Page 58 of Power Play
She nods before I feel her body relax, inch by inch, breath by breath.
"I know it's just pregnancy hormones, but shit. What purpose does scaring the shit out of the mother serve?"
I shake my head, my cheek resting on her.
But then, something occurs to me. "Why did you come for me? You had Ben and Scott right there." They've been sleeping in various arrangements, but lately Ben and Lacey have been sharing Scott's California King, Lacey tucked safely in the middle. I just haven't figured out what that means for me. I don't want to accidentally spoon Ben or God forbid Coach in the middle of the night. I shudder at the thought.
She gives a tiny shrug, but I need to hear the answer. I grip her chin gently with my thumb and lift her face so I can see her.
She looks away. "They'd try to fix it. They'd make me tea or rub my feet or hire a therapist or a sleep guru or something silly. With you I know...I can just be."
I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. She's absolutely right. They would try to sweep in like white knights and fix the problem.
I don't.
Because she doesn't need fixing or saving. She's the strongest person I know.
"Don't get me wrong, I love Ben and Scott for that, but sometimes I'd rather just be."
My eyes widen. "You love them?"
She nods gently against my chest. "I do."
"And me?" I ask, hating how vulnerable I sound.
"No. Not like that."
Dread sinks in my stomach and I want to push her away. Fuck, that hurt worse than I thought it would have. I was vulnerable for a second, hopeful for a second and she punched her fist through my chest, ripping my heart out. I want to leave. I want out of this whole stupid arrangement. Why the fuck was I even here if she was in love with the other two and not me?
She shakes her head and holds me closer. "No, not like that. I love Garrett. I don't love Jonesy. Not that there isn't a single part of you that doesn't deserve love, but I hate what's happened in your life that you felt you had to put on this persona andbesomeone else. I don't hate Jonesy; I hate that you felt like you had to put up walls and distance yourself at all." She tilts her head up to look in my eyes. The softness and affection I see there floors me. "But I do love Garrett."
My shoulders relax. I may not fully understand her reasoning, but I can see the open honesty on her face. She's not placating me, or sugar coating anything. Not like Sherry/Sally did. She's telling me she sees me, Garrett. And loves him. But hates that I'm still carrying around Jonesy. I think?
"But why?" I whisper, afraid if I speak too loudly, I'll break the spell we're under and she'll tell me it was all a joke.
"Because Garrett deserves love. When he's Garrett, he's sweet, vulnerable, caring, considerate, and a really great man. He may not always know what he's doing, but he tries. And that's a man I'm proud of."
I nod, swallowing thickly. I don't tell her I love her, too, even if I'm starting to feel it.
I haven't told her I love her, because my mental hang-ups aren't her burdens to bear. But I've been feeling like the odd man out. Scott and Ben fell into their roles effortlessly. I'm not really sure what I bring to the table except insecurities, drama, and a bad attitude.
But Lacey sees something in me that I don't think anyone else has ever seen. She sees someone worth redemption. She sees someone worth the effort - worth her time. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I'm going to hold on tight and never let go.
I lay on my back and pull her to me. Her belly pokes into my side as she wraps herself around me.
"Are you comfortable?" I whisper against her hair.
"Mhm," she purrs. I'll never get over how incredible it feels to hold her in my arms. I've held women before, hundreds of them. But none of them felt like Lacey. Holding her feels...special. It feels like an honor. A gift. She's not trying to seduce me, she has no ulterior motive, I'm not using her for a quick and easy release. She wasn't an easy conquest. She was the ultimate treasure. One that I had to work hard to earn. And one that I worked every day to earn the right to be by her side.
She actually means something to me.
"May I?" I say, hovering my hand over her belly.
"They’re yours if you want them.We're...yours...if you want us."
The ball of emotions lodged painfully behind my Adam's apple threatens to rise and push hot tears out of my eyes.
I've never been deserving. My entire life, I've never deserved or earned the good things that happened to me. But her? She gives mehope. Hope that I am deserving of her. Hope that, through her belief in me, I can become a man deserving.
