Page 26 of The Promises We Broke
For the first time in eleven years, staying felt like a choice I might actually be strong enough to make.
As the evening wound down and the family began gathering their things, Barrett started to fuss. Delaney was in the middle of helping Blake with something, so without thinking, I reached for him.
"Come here, little man," I murmured, settling him against my chest the way I had during those first moments after his birth. "Uncle Gage's got you."
He settled immediately, his tiny body relaxing against me with complete trust. The simple faith of it, the way this innocent child felt safe in my arms, was humbling and terrifying and absolutely perfect.
"He really does know you," Trace said quietly, settling beside me on the couch.
"How is that possible?" I asked. "He's three days old."
"Because you were there when it mattered," Trace said simply. "When Delaney needed help, when Barrett needed someone to bring him safely into the world, you were there. That kind of thing bonds people."
I stared down at Barrett's sleeping face, at the nephew who'd already claimed a piece of my heart I didn't know I still had to give.
"I'm scared," I admitted quietly.
"Of what?"
"Of wanting this too much. Of staying and screwing it up. Of being selfish enough to think I deserve another chance when I wasted the first one so badly."
Trace was quiet for a moment. "What if you didn't waste it?" he asked finally. "What if you were just seventeen and scared and trying to survive in a situation that was designed to destroy you?"
"Trace..."
"What if the real waste would be throwing away the chance to be part of this family? Part of Barrett's life, part of Cade's childhood memories?"
I looked around the room. At Cade showing Blake something on his phone with animated enthusiasm. At Booker and Reecequietly cleaning up dinner dishes. At Xander holding Amelia while she giggled at something only babies found funny.
At the life they were offering me if I was brave enough to accept it.
"I don't know how to do this," I said quietly. "How to be someone's uncle. How to be part of a family when I've been alone for so long."
"You show up," Trace said simply. "You make an effort, and you let people love you even when you don't think you deserve it."
The same advice Delaney had given me in the hospital. Simple words that felt impossible to follow.
"And if I mess it up?" I asked.
"Then we'll figure it out together," Trace said. "That's what family does."
As if it could be that simple. As if eleven years of running and self-punishment could be healed by choosing to show up, to be present, to accept love I wasn't sure I'd earned.
But holding Barrett, watching Cade's easy acceptance, seeing the way this family had made space for me despite everything... maybe it could be that simple. Maybe healing didn't require grand gestures or perfect understanding. It just required the willingness to try.
Barrett stirred against my chest, making the soft sounds that babies made when they were dreaming. Safe, secure, completely trusting that the arms holding him would keep him safe.
For the first time in eleven years, I wanted to be worthy of that trust.
For the first time in eleven years, I thought I might actually have a chance.
Chapter 8
Billie
The weekend following the birth drama meant two days without seeing Gage, and I told myself the restless energy humming through my system was just professional concern. Patients recovering from traumatic injuries needed consistent care, especially patients who had a tendency to minimize their pain levels and push beyond reasonable limitations.
It had nothing to do with the way my chest had tightened when I'd heard about Barrett's birth through the Willowbrook gossip network. Nothing to do with the pride that had surged through me when Marie at the bakery had described Gage's heroic delivery with dramatic flair.
