Page 22 of The Promises We Broke
But watching Trace hold his son for the first time, seeing the pure joy and wonder on his face, I felt something shift inside me. Something fundamental and irreversible.
I'd been part of this. Not the destruction this time, but the creation. The beginning of Barrett's story instead of the ending of someone else's happiness.
It was late evening by the time they were settled in the hospital room, the chaos of birth and medical procedures giving way to the quiet intimacy of new family life. Blake had picked Cade up from school and brought him to the hospital. I'd disappeared before they got there, not ready to face meeting the nephew whose life I'd irreversibly damaged on the same day that his brother had come into the world.
Xander came to get me when Blake had taken Cade home. He didn't say anything about why I'd sat alone in the cafeteria instead of with my family in this joyous moment. It gave me timeto think. It gave me time to really look at all the choices I made and every reason behind them. Being self-aware of all your own bullshit really wasn't a fun place to be but there was something enlightening about it, freeing even.
We walked back through the hospital in silence. Xander's hand clapped on my shoulder as we reached the elevator. A silent signal that he was there if I needed him.
When we arrived back in Delaney's hospital room, Trace and Xander disappeared to get coffee, leaving me alone with Delaney and the sleeping baby who'd already managed to change everything.
"You're thinking about leaving again, aren't you?" Delaney said quietly, not looking up from Barrett's face.
The question hit me like a physical blow. "I... what makes you say that?"
"Because I know you. And I know that look."
I stared at her, wondering how she could read me so easily when I wasn't even sure what I was thinking myself.
"It's not that simple," I said finally.
"It's exactly that simple." She looked up at me then, her expression gentle but firm. "Gage, we won't survive you leaving again. I won't survive it."
The words cut deep because I could see the truth in her eyes. This wasn't emotional manipulation or guilt-tripping. This was honest fear from someone who'd already lost too much.
"Delaney, you don't understand. I don't belong here. I want to. But I'm not good enough to be around you, around Barrett, around any of you."
"Says who? You?" Her voice was stronger now, the protective mother already emerging. "Because last time I checked, you just delivered my son safely when no one else was around to help."
"That was just... anyone would have..."
"No," she interrupted. "Anyone wouldn't have. Anyone would have panicked, called 911, and waited for help. You stepped up. You put aside your own limitations and fear and you took care of us when we needed you most."
I shook my head, unable to accept the praise. "That doesn't erase what I did before. What I helped Regina..."
"If the thing keeping you away is what you did to me, your involvement in me leaving Willowbrook, then it should be my decision. And I want you to stay."
"How can you want that? How can you forgive me for what I cost you?"
"Because holding onto anger doesn't bring back lost time. Because you were seventeen and being manipulated. Because you're family." She shifted in the hospital bed, her expression softening. "And because that boy who helped Regina isn't the man who just delivered my baby. That boy was scared and desperate and trying to protect his family the only way he knew how. This man... this man stepped up when it mattered."
I felt tears threatening and looked away, focusing on Barrett's sleeping face instead of the emotion in Delaney's voice.
"I'm struggling to accept that I'm good enough to be around any of you," I admitted.
"Then make amends by being an incredible uncle to my sons. Be the brother your brothers miss and want home. Stop punishing yourself and start living."
"What about you? Can you really forgive me?"
Her eyes filled with tears, but her smile was genuine. "I miss my friend, Gage. I miss the boy who used to make me laugh, who protected all of us kids when adults failed us. I want him back."
She reached for me then, and I found myself wrapping my good arm around her, both of us crying for everything we'd lost and everything we might still save. For the first time ineleven years, someone was choosing me. Not forgiving me out of obligation, but actively wanting me in their life.
"Barrett's going to need his Uncle Gage around," she whispered against my shoulder. "To teach him how to build things and fix them when they break. To show him what it means to fight for the people you love."
As I held Delaney and felt the weight of Barrett sleeping nearby, I felt something I hadn't experienced in eleven years. The possibility that I might actually deserve to stay. That I might be worthy of the love being offered.
I wasn't ready to believe I deserved happiness. I wasn't ready to think about futures or dreams or any of the things I'd given up the right to want. But maybe... maybe I was ready to consider the possibility.
