Page 58 of Star-Crossed
Cy set the plates on the table and took a seat across from her. “I was thinking, after we pick up the kittens from Kiki’s, I’ll drive you over to Star-Crossed so they can get settled in. Then maybe we can go for a hike, have a picnic by the river?”
His enthusiasm made her chest clench. This was exactly what she didn’t want—expectations and entanglements and the possibility of real feelings. She needed to nip this in the bud before things got messy.
“Cy, listen.” Lyra set down her fork, meeting his gaze head-on. “I had a really nice time last night, but I want to be honest. I want to be clear…that this is just casual. Yeah?”
A flinty emotion flickered in his eyes, but he hid it quickly behind a mask of indifference. “Yeah. Of course. No strings attached.”
“Exactly.” She gave a brisk nod, ignoring the guilt twisting her insides. “After the number Harrison did on me, the last thing I want is to jump into another relationship with all the…complications that can bring.”
“I get it,” he said, sliding a pancake on a plate.
She wasn’t sure he did. “One of the things my past relationships—specifically Harrison—has taught me is that, as much as I like to believe different, I don’t always know what I’m doing. Especially when it comes to men.” She shifted, trying to figure out how to say big, scary things with small, tepid words. “I don’t correctly analyze the effect the person will have on my future plans. Or on the other people in my life. Or… Well, I’ve always picked men based on what I’m now realizing are flimsy and arbitrary metrics of optics over function. Or maybe it’s better to say contacts and convenience over real connection. I need to figure out what that means. Why I’m this way…”
“So we’ll take it slow,” Cy said with a lackadaisical shrug. “I have no problem with that.”
“I was with Harrison so long that what we had is kind of all I knew. And I just feel like maybe committing myself to one person exclusively again isn’t the best way to go about healing from it, if that makes sense.”
His lush mouth lifted in a sly sort of half-smile. “I’m not trying to cuff you, Lyra. We’re just having some fun. I get it.”
Did he, though?
“I’m saying you won’t be the only man I’m—uh—sleeping with,” she blurted.
God, she was such a huge asshole.
“You don’t owe me an explanation.” His jaw tightened, betraying the nonchalance in his tone. “We’re on the same page. No commitments. No exclusivity.”
Lyra frowned, disliking how callous she sounded but unable to stop. The only way out of this with her heart intact was to build an impenetrable wall between them.
Even if it meant being cruel to be kind.
“I’m glad we understand each other.” Picking up her fork again, she plastered on a smile. “This pancake is delicious, by the way. You’ll have to give me the recipe.”
Casual and carefree.
“Yeah. Sure.” Cy stared at his plate, pushing bits of pancake around with his fork. An uncomfortable silence stretched between them, fraught with something unspoken.
Lyra cleared her throat, scrambling for something to fill the void. “So, um…did you still want to hang out?” She grimaced, regretting her clumsy attempts to distance herself. The day he had planned sounded lovely, an idyllic escape in the company of a man who understood her in a way few others did.
Still, she couldn’t take back her words now. She had made her position clear, and the only thing left to do was stick to it. Even if it made the moment between them strained and awkward.
“A hike sounds nice.” Her voice came out brittle. “Fresh air and exercise. Just what I need.”
He snorted, the sound devoid of humor. “Whatever you need.”
The sarcasm in his tone made her flinch. She searched for something to salvage the mood but came up short. In the end, she settled for shoveling another bite of pancake into her mouth to avoid speaking at all.
The tension in the room thickened until she thought she might choke on it. She had gotten what she wanted—distance from Cy and his dangerous ability to make her feel.
Now all that was left was to live with the consequences.
Cy sighed and ran a hand through his hair, mussing the dark strands. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a dick.” His apology did little to ease the knot in her stomach. “It’s just… I care about you, Lyra. More than I expected to, and I know I’m probably not supposed to say that yet. But last night didn’tfeelcasual to me. In fact, every time we’re thrust together somehow doesn’t feel casual at all. It feels…” He trailed off, burying his gaze in the pool of syrup drowning his bacon. “It feels like the beginning of something…something that should have happened a long time ago if life didn’t derail us.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a hand. “Don’t. In the interest of not repressing, I need to say this, whatever you decide to do about it. Every single time fate shoves us together, the connection I feel is real.And good. It’s more than sex, and I think we both know it.”
His words struck a chord deep within her, resonating with a truth she didn’t want to face. She stared down at her plate, a flush creeping into her cheeks. “You’re not wrong,” she acquiesced. “But that doesn’t change what I said. I can’t make any decisions right now. I can’t, like…plananything here. Now. With the first guy I touched since breaking it off with my fiancé.”
“I know you’ve been hurt.” His voice softened as he came to stand behind her chair. Warm hands settled on her shoulders, kneading away the tension. “I’m not anything like Harrison. I’m not going to create those problems in your life.”
