Page 140 of All I Want for Christmas… Is You
"This is ridiculous!" Lady Mary exclaimed the next morning when Jocelyn arrived at her room before the breakfast tray. "You cannot hide here. All the guests are arriving today, and my ball is tonight!"
"I'm not hiding. I'm keeping you company until your fiancé arrives."
"You are hiding. You hid in here last evening, and I understood, after what you told me of Charles's and Tarkington's behavior. But this is not the answer, Jocelyn. Nor is it like you."
Jocelyn nodded. "That's the problem," she said sadly. She sank into a chair by the window and looked out over the Bayneville park. "I don't know what is like me anymore. Every day I've been here, I've grown more and more confused. How ironic, for I saw coming to Bayneville as an opportunity to sort things in my mind. I never expected to get them more jumbled."
"That's because you never expected to find love," Lady Mary said softly.
Jocelyn laughed weakly. "I didn't even know what that emotion was beyond what I'd read. And I'd always thought those descriptions to be exaggerations. I was wrong. They pale by comparison."
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"Do?" Jocelyn asked, turning her head to look at Lady Mary.
"Yes. What are you going to do?"
"Nothing. What is there to do? I have received a great gift in discovering what love is, my Christmas gift, and I shall treasure it."
Lady Mary made a rude, exasperated noise. "Jocelyn, you have barely discovered anything about love and nothing about Christmas gifts! A solitary love is no true love. It needs its mirror reflection, or it shrivels and dies, leaving bitter emptiness behind—"
"The memory is a treasure."
"Worse, you forget what the special magic of Christmas gifts is. Their magic lies in the giving, not in the receiving. Give, Jocelyn. Don't be the lonely dragon guarding its hoard, for it shall turn to dust long before you will."
Their magic lies in the giving.
Jocelyn returned to her room to think about Lady Mary's words once again. The phrase spun in her mind, echoing. How could she take her heart in her hands and give it to Tarkington? How could she let him know?
Then she remembered the gift line. One practical gift, one fanciful. Could she do it?
She had a practical gift. A token, really, meant to be a simple thank-you for the visit: monogrammed handkerchiefs. And for her fanciful gift . . . .
Smiling, she went to the nursery to borrow paper, paints, and glue.
* * *
"Lawks, miss, you're already half-dressed!"exclaimed Miss Barnes when she came later that afternoon to get Jocelyn ready for the Christmas ball.
"I don't want to miss the gift line before the ball."
"But, miss, that's an affair for the family and their people. And belowstairs, they're all looking forward to it."
"I know. Now hush and help me."
With Miss Barnes's help, she was ready quickly, and for once, without complaint from her abigail. Her gown was made of layers upon layers of white muslin gauze delicately embroidered with red, green, and gold thread. Through her dark hair, Miss Barnes wove a gold cord knotted with red and green ribbons. Finally, she draped a gold-spangled shawl over Jocelyn's arms and declared her finished.
To the woman's surprise, Jocelyn kissed her cheek in thanks. She'd scarce recovered when her mistress pressed two packages into her hands.
"One practical, one fanciful. It is up to you to decide which is which," Jocelyn said, smiling warmly.
"Oh, miss!" exclaimed her astonished maid. Quickly, as if she were afraid they would disappear, Miss Barnes opened her first gift. It was a new reticule, a most practical gift. The second proved to be one of Jocelyn's best Chinese silk fans painted with exotic Far-Eastern flowers.
"Oh, but, miss, I couldn't!" Miss Barnes said, her eyes shining, her expression half fearful that Jocelyn would agree and take it away.
"Hush. Yes, you can. And I want you to use it to good advantage at the servants' ball tomorrow night."
"Oh, miss!"
