Page 42 of Which Witch Is Wicked?
The three giggled, but pulled straight faces when Tierra wandered back over. “Oh dammit,” she grunted as she set her plate in her spot. “I forgot my prenatal vitamins. They’re in my room. I’ll be right back. Start without me, and when I come back down we’ll talk more about flying on brooms.”
The moment she disappeared up the stairs all three plates disappeared beneath the table.
“Looks like Cheeto is the only one having lunch,” Claire muttered. “Think we have enough time to make something else?”
"Not before she comes back and catches us." Casting a longing look at the fridge, Aerin wondered why she even considered it. There was nothing edible in there. Fermented things that didn't get you drunk, so why bother? Cheeses without milk or the other proper components. Bread with no gluten or yeast. Meats with no animal parts. She'd thought Tierra was bad back before she'd gotten knocked up. This was approaching the surreal.
She'd bring about the Apocalypse if she could grill a decent filet mignon in hellfire. Tommy had eaten the last red meat left in the fridge last night.
"Zombies." Aerin blew out a heavy sigh of disgust. "How do you kill them?"
"Seems to me we oughta saw off a few shotguns and load them with ammo strong enough to blow their heads clean off their bodies." Moira suggested with apparent relish.
"Might not have to go that far. Maybe we could use more... magical means?" Claire's discomfort with the subject was written all over her face. "We're still not sure that killing is the best way to deal with them."
"You catch the news this morning?" Moira asked. "They're getting more and more violent. On TV, zombies are usually killed by chopping their heads off, or a crossbow bolt or bullet through the brain."
“We could try that.” Aerin shrugged. “But the zombies on TV are made so by a virus. This is magic we’re dealing with. There’s no virus that could bring the dead back to life.”
“How do you know that?” Claire asked alertly.
"Uh.” She couldn’t tell them she’d contacted Julian to get information. That they owed him a favor. And even though she trusted that his word was the truth, she knew they wouldn’t. “If you kill something that's already dead, is it still murder?" Aerin redirected.
"I vote yes." Tommy sauntered into the kitchen, his fists punched into the front pocket of his jeans. For a dead guy, he looked pretty great in a tight white Tee and jeans. He leaned down and planted a kiss on Claire's upturned lips before tossing a smile full of careless charm at Moira and Aerin.
"Gross." Tierra grimaced at the couple as she reappeared at the bottom of the steps, the bangles at her wrists and ankles tinkling at her approach. "You just kissed a corpse."
Tommy looked sheepish, but unperturbed.
"Says the woman who got knocked up by Death," Claire volleyed back.
Moira snorted with laughter.
"At least he smelled good," Tierra muttered. "Oh, hey! You guys sure finished lunch fast."
Claire didn't bat an eye. "My plate was licked clean."
"Yeah," Aerin jumped in. "My wrap was devoured."
"Scarfed, even," Moira supplied.
"Aw... I was afraid you wouldn't like them." Tierra smiled, looking utterly pleased.
An awkward silence burped into the kitchen. And was followed by the unapologetic rip of a fart and a smell so rank it evoked the sulphurous depths of hell.
Aerin clapped her hand over her nose. "Who in the several fucks is responsible for that?"
They all turned to look at Tommy, whose blue eyes widened in defense. "That wasn't me."
"I think I'm going to be sick." Tierra's chair scraped along the wood as she leapt up and fled the room, leaving her wrap untouched.
A mustard-colored puff of smoke filtered up from beneath the table, intensifying the nauseating aroma.
"Oh Goddess! It's Cheeto!" Claire cried, holding the collar of her black tank over nose and mouth.
"That's it," Aerin threatened. "I'm making bacon."
"No!" Moira reached beneath the table, but Cheeto shot out from beneath the cloth, his little hooves slipping and skidding on the polished wood floor. "He's laid some carpet bombs in his day, but never nothin' like that."
