Page 62 of Could It Be Magic?
‘My sixteen-year-old self.’ She looked up at Nick, who looked back down at her in surprise. ‘She told me to stop being so stubborn and just go for it. So that’s what I’m trying to do.’
Nick’s expression of bemusement made Thea smile. ‘It’s all right,’ she said gently. ‘I can explain later. But for now, can we get out of this bloody snow?’
‘Definitely!’ Nick released her from his arms, and they both scrambled up into the Land Rover.
As she opened her mouth to speak, Nick held up his phone. ‘Hang on a minute.’ He dialled, and the phone was answered immediately. ‘Hi Cora. Yes, she’s here. No, she’s fine. The car broke down. Yup, hang on.’
Nick passed the phone to Thea. ‘You should probably talk to her.’
Thea quirked an eyebrow. She quickly reassured Cora that she was fine, and the car would be, too, before letting her know she’d be home soon. Then, she handed the phone back to Nick.
‘Now I really do feel like a teenager, with you and Cora being the ones to keep tabs on me!’
Nick’s expression grew serious. ‘She answered your phone when I tried to ring earlier, said you’d come to see me, but got worried when you weren’t with me. I said I’d let her know the moment I found you.’
‘I’m so glad you did,’ Thea gave a nervous laugh. ‘I was freezing my arse off, out there.’
Nick gave an equally nervous chuckle, but then his face grew serious again. ‘Look, Thea, before you say anything else, do you mind if I do?’
Thea nodded. ‘You rescued me from the road – I think you’ve earned it!’ She looked at him, and she could see he was already finding a way to formulate the words. Patiently, snuggled into his jacket, she waited.
57
The relief Nick felt when he’d seen Thea trudging up the road had rapidly given way to a mixture of exasperation. He was frustrated with himself, for not communicating well enough with her earlier in the evening and cross with Thea, for being so damned stubborn. And the nerves were rising because he had the very distinct impression that if he cocked this next couple of minutes up, that really would be the end of whatever they’d started.
‘Thea,’ he began. ‘I want you to know something. Something I should have told you a long time ago. Something I should have told you after the Midwinter’s Eve Ball. Something, if I’m being totally honest, I should have told you more than once since we started seeing each other.’ His hands started to tremble, and since he’d given Thea his jacket, he had nowhere to put them, so he willed them to stop.
‘What’s that, then?’ Thea’s voice, gentle but with an undercurrent of her own nerves, prompted.
‘Whatever happens next, whatever you decide about us, I want you to know that I love you.’ He shook his head, willing himself to stay put, even though every instinct he had was urging him to fling open the door of the Land Rover and run away. ‘I’ve loved you for a long time. Getting to know you better this Christmas made me realise that I can’t just walk away from what I feel about you. You’re important to me, Thea, and I want to be there for you, to be in your life, if that’s what you want, too. If it isn’t, then I can live with that. But if there’s any chance that you feel the same, then I promise you that I will try my best to make you and Cora and Dylan happy.’
Thea was just staring at him, as if she couldn’t work out how best to let him down and allow him to keep his dignity. Despite the cold, the flames of embarrassment that he’d managed to damp down while he’d been talking were now licking up his neck, his face, making the sweat on his brow feel like a cascade, and it was no good pretending that his hands weren’t shaking, as well as pretty much the rest of him, too. Everything they’d done this December, every smile, every laugh, every kiss, every moment together, seemed to have propelled them to this point, and now he felt as though he couldn’t proceed into the new year without knowing exactly where he stood.
‘I’m sorry,’ he stammered. ‘I’ve no right to put you on the spot like this. Forget I said anything. I’ll take you home.’ Feeling the hot lava of mortification beginning to run down his spine, he went to turn the ignition key.
‘Just shush a minute, will you?’ Her hand had covered his and he paused, the engine remaining still. ‘Honestly, Nick, you’re as big an idiot as I am, sometimes.’
Nick shook his head. ‘Have I messed up again?’
Thea’s smile, tentative at first, broadened. ‘I said shush. It’s my turn.’
Shaking his head, he put his hand in his lap. ‘That depends,’ he said quietly. ‘Am I going to want to hear it?’
‘Why don’t you just wait and see?’
Fight was out of the question. Flight seemed impossible while the snow kept falling, so the only thing left for Nick to do was freeze. Barely managing to breathe, he waited.
58
Thea didn’t think she’d seen anyone look as nervous as Nick now did. She realised what a lot it had cost him to tell her how much he loved her, and immediately she knew she’d have to choose her next words very carefully. Nick, once he was in, was all in, and she felt the responsibility of that. She knew what she had to say to him, but it still scared her. If things didn’t work out between them, it would break both of their hearts. Perhaps his, even more than hers. Was she ready to finally make that jump?
‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘You don’t just get to drop a bombshell like that. You need to hear what I have to say.’ She squeezed his forearm gently. ‘Nick. Look at me. Look at me.’
It seemed an eternity before Nick raised his gaze to meet hers. She was taken aback at the look in his eyes, as if he’d just told her something far worse than that he loved her. She realised now, just how true it was; how he’d struggled with that fact over the past few weeks, with the pain and ecstasy of beginning a relationship with her. She also now knew that she’d have to tread carefully. There was so much to say, but if she got it wrong, things would get far worse.
‘I’m sorry, Thea?—’
Thea’s other hand found its way to Nick’s mouth, and she hushed him firmly. ‘No. You don’t get to say anything now. And you certainly don’t get to apologise again. It’s my turn to speak, and you’d better bloody well listen.’ She was amused as his eyes widened, but she willed her face to remain serious.
