Page 56 of Could It Be Magic?
‘Hi,’ he said, and she could tell from his tone how nervous he was. ‘Thank you for coming.’
Thea nodded. ‘Hello, Ed.’ She took a seat as he gestured to the one across from him. The silence felt loaded, uncomfortable. Thea waited while he closed an app on his phone and put it flat down on the table.
‘I was just texting Ciara, my wife, to let her know I’d got here OK. She was, er, a little worried about all this, as you can imagine.’
‘You got married?’ Thea could hear the incredulity in her own voice. ‘When?’
Ed looked sheepish. ‘Shortly after Ben was born. Ciara comes from quite a religious family. They, er, weren’t too happy about our situation, so it seemed the right thing to do.’
‘Ah yes, Ben. The reason we’re having to do this.’ Thea’s tone was sharper than she’d intended, and Ed’s shock registered on his face. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘This has all come as a bit of a shock. I’ve not really had time to process it all since Cora told me she’d been in touch with your son.’
Ed laughed nervously. ‘Well, it’s not exactly been a walk in the park for me, either.’
‘Which part? Leaving me and the children homeless, getting married and having kids again or not bothering to let me know any of this before your son got in touch with our daughter?’
‘Thea…’ Ed began. ‘This isn’t really the time or the place for a wider discussion, is it?’
Thea’s irritation began to rise. ‘Oh, isn’t it? Well, all right then, what would you like to discuss? The last contact I had with you, a month after you left, you were broke and sofa surfing, and then, nothing. Not a phone call, not a birthday card to your children… and now this? What am I supposed to think?’
‘There’s a lot of ground to cover, I get that,’ Ed replied. ‘And we’ll get there, I promise. But there are some things you need to know. And the most important thing is that I’m sorry. I know now that I was in the grip of something bigger than me, and that you and the kids became collateral damage. It took me a long time to come to terms with that, and even longer to get the help I needed. But I’ve done the work, Thea, and if Ben hadn’t jumped the gun and contacted Cora, I was going to reach out myself soon. Ciara gave me an ultimatum when Ben was a toddler: go into rehab or she wouldn’t let me be a part of her and Ben’s life. I didn’t want to make the same mistake with them as I did with you, so I did it. And I’ve been in recovery for eight years now. I haven’t placed a bet in all of that time, and I never want to.’
All this talk of reaching out and doing the work made Thea want to vomit with rage, but she swallowed hard and tried to force her emotions back down to a manageable level. Ed had always been able to push her buttons, and, much as she hated to admit it, he was right, there were more important things at stake now than what their own past relationship had been.
‘So what now?’ she asked. ‘Have you given any thought to that?’
Ed nodded. ‘Well, since Cora and Ben have made contact, I think it would be a reasonable next step to allow them to meet, if you think that’s a sensible idea. Ciara wants to be present, too, if you’re happy to have her there. She feels… insecure about the, uh, unresolved nature of our relationship.’
‘It’s unresolved because you cut off contact with your own kids!’ Thea snapped. ‘You haven’t been there for them at all since you walked out. And now you want to come back into their lives? Give me one good reason why I should agree to any of this?’
Ed looked pained. ‘Because, you know as well as I do that it’s better we manage this as adults. If we don’t let the kids get to know each other now, while we still have some control over it, they’ll do it anyway when they’re older. At least this way we’ve both got some say in the matter.’
It wasn’t lost on Thea that this was exactly the line of argument that Lorelai had pursued when she’d talked this through with her grandmother before Christmas. She just hated that Ed was right, as Lorelai had been. She let out a long sigh. ‘All right,’ she said. ‘But we do this slowly. And I’m warning you, Ed, if you’re just going to disappear again, then we can forget this right now. It took me a long time to get back on my feet when you left, and the kids can’t cope with you swanning back into their lives if you’re just going to leave again.’
For the first time, Ed looked genuinely remorseful. ‘I can’t forgive myself for what I did to you and the kids, Thea,’ he began, ‘but I can tell you now that I was in the grip of an addiction so strong that it overwhelmed everything else. I couldn’t help myself back then, and I was no use to you, or Cora and Dylan. If I hadn’t got away, when I hit rock bottom I’d have dragged you down with me, and I’d never have forgiven myself for that.’ He looked down at his hands. ‘I know it was the coward’s way out, just to run, but believe me when I say I’ve pulled myself up through hell, and it’s only now that I feel as though I won’t just be a burden of shame around your neck. I treated you appallingly, and I will always carry that with me. But I want to be a part of my children’s lives, and if Ben hadn’t reached out to Cora when he did, I’d have done the same thing anyway.’
It wasn’t often that Thea was stunned into silence, but it seemed that, if nothing else, Ed could still have that effect on her. She swallowed hard. ‘I appreciate what you’ve said,’ she began. ‘I suppose having a shared history counts for something.’ The irony wasn’t lost on her that she’d been saying much the same to Nick, in a different context. ‘In a way, it’s good to see the shorthand between us still works.’
Ed looked relieved. ‘I’m not expecting miracles, but I am serious. I think we can make this work. I have a lot to make up for, and I really want to prove that to you.’ He reached out and touched one of her hands where it rested on the table.
Thea pulled away. ‘Don’t. I’m prepared for the kids to meet, and I’m even prepared to be polite to you in their company, but don’t push your luck, Ed.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said humbly. His gaze was distracted by something over Thea’s left shoulder. ‘Tristan’s still not my biggest fan, I see.’
Thea glanced behind her and saw her brother nursing a pint at the bar and staring daggers in Ed’s direction. ‘He doesn’t think I should have come,’ she said. ‘He had to pick up the pieces, along with Gran, when you left.’
‘Can’t say I blame him, then.’ Ed gave a rueful smile. He paused, and then added, ‘Let me know when it’s convenient for the kids to meet. I’m based in Wiltshire, just outside Salisbury, these days, so it won’t take long for me to get over to you. That’s where I met Ciara, in fact.’
‘Things must have happened pretty quickly between you two, if Ben’s ten years old,’ Thea observed. ‘You gave it a whole three months before finding someone else?’
‘It wasn’t my intention,’ Ed replied. ‘I was lucky that she stood by me, but there was never any question she wouldn’t have the baby. It was the wake up call I needed.’ He looked genuinely remorseful. ‘I’m so sorry, Thea. This must be a lot to take on board all at once.’
It was. Not least that Ed could be living relatively close by and still not have made contact, but she swallowed the emotion. There would be plenty of time later to mull it all over. For now, it was essential that the lines were kept clear: it was the best thing for all of the children involved.
‘Do you, er, have any more children?’ she asked as silence fell between them again.
‘A little girl – Maisie,’ Ed replied. His face softened as he mentioned the name. ‘She’s the spitting image of Cora at that age. She’s another reason why it felt important to make contact with you and the kids.’ He paused, and then added. ‘My plan had been to write a letter and send it to your gran’s place.’
‘What makes you think she’d have passed it on to me?’ Thea asked. ‘She’s not exactly fond of you, either.’
