Page 24 of Finding Love at Roseford Blooms
‘Anyway…’ Lizzie swallowed before continuing. ‘We both came down to stay with Aunt Bee, and Georgina was in a complete state all that day. She was so excited to be invited to the party. She knew that all of the popular girls had asked all of the boys they thought were fit from the local boys’ school, and there was one in particular she really fancied. She was even considering… well, you know.’ She paused, and blushed slightly. ‘There are a lot of bedrooms at Roseford Hall, after all.’
Simon gave a brief grin. ‘I do have a vague memory of being the nightwatchman that evening, and turfing out a few couples from places they shouldn’t have been.’
‘I guess you must have thought it was all a bit pathetic, really,’ Lizzie said. ‘I mean, you were, what, nineteen at the time? We must have seemed exactly what we were, stupid school kids who thought they knew everything.’
Simon shook his head. ‘Well, I wouldn’t quite put it that way. At least it gave me an excuse to ditchKing Learfor a night. Shakespeare is pretty heavy going when there’s music pumping round the house.’
Lizzie, despite herself, gave a laugh. ‘I’d have far preferred to have hidden out in a room with a book, if it’s any consolation.’
‘I wish I’d known,’ Simon said, softly, his eyes shining brightly in the moonlight. ‘I’d have whisked you off and we could have discussed the Bard together!’
‘You did enough,’ Lizzie said, her voice suddenly trembling again. ‘Do you really not remember?’
Simon paused, and the silence between them stretched tantalisingly for a few moments. He moved a little closer to her, still, obviously mindful of her fragile state. ‘Why don’t you try to remind me?’
Lizzie felt reassured by his presence, and squeezed his hand. ‘I was bored at the party,’ she said haltingly. ‘I didn’t know many of the girls, and I wasn’t really sure about the boys. I was always the ugly duckling to Georgina’s perfect swan, and while she could talk, and make people feel good by turning her attention on them, I just didn’t know what to say, to anyone.’ She gave a slight bark of laughter, and covered her mouth self-consciously. ‘I even tried to escape and find the library, to get a bit of peace and quiet until it was time to leave. Parties weren’t my thing. I felt stupid in what I was wearing, and, if I’m being honest, I was just fed up. I told Georgina I was going to go back to Aunt Bee’s, but she persuaded me to give it another half an hour, at least. I could never refuse her anything back then, so I agreed.’
A shiver ran down her spine, and a sick feeling rose in her stomach when she remembered what had happened next. Clearly sensing her discomfort, Simon squeezed Lizzie’s hand a little tighter, tacitly encouraging her to go on.
‘I should have just gone back to Aunt Bee’s,’ Lizzie whispered. ‘But I didn’t want to leave her alone. She was chatting up this guy from St Jude’s, and I knew he had a bit of a reputation as a player. I figured, if I hung around, at least if it went wrong, I could help her.’ She gave a short, bitter laugh. ‘I had no idea what I was letting myself in for.’
‘What happened, Lizzie?’
Lizzie shook her head, trying to form those awful memories into some kind of coherent whole.
‘I was sitting in the corner of the library. I’d got fed up of the music and I didn’t want to drink any more, so I found a spot in there and decided to wait it out until Georgina and I could leave. Anyway, then this girl, Nina, came into the room and started talking to me. She was one of Georgina’s friends, but I’d always been a bit suspicious of her. She was one of those girls who seemed to just fit in with everyone, but she liked to make life difficult for those who didn’t. She told me that one of the boys who’d come to the party really liked me, that he wanted to talk to me but he was too shy to ask me himself, so he’d asked her to see if I wanted to go out with him.’ Lizzie paused. She needed a moment to ground herself in the present, away from the mortifying sensations that talking about those long-buried memories was evoking.
‘What happened?’ Simon prompted gently.
‘Well, even though I was fed up, I felt, oh, I don’t know… flattered. I hadn’t had much experience with boys at that point, and I felt lonely enough at the party that a bit of me just wanted to try to fit in. For a stupid moment, I wanted to be part of the “In Crowd”. Georgina had disappeared, and I thought it might be nice to be included in something. When Nina said she’d give me a makeover before we went to talk to the boy, I thought it would be a great idea.’
Lizzie took a sip of her wine to fortify herself against what was coming next. She could feel the hot flames of mortification running over her at the memory, and she felt embarrassed about recounting it all to Simon.
‘Nina took me off to the room where she was staying. She insisted that I got out of the dress I was wearing and she gave me an extra one she’d packed. I remember being so embarrassed when I put it on because it was really tight, and short. I remember thinking at the time that there was no way it would have properly fitted Nina, or George, let alone me, but I went along with it.’ Despite herself, she gave a brief laugh. ‘Teenagers can be stupid sometimes, can’t they? I definitely preferred covering myself up. I was always so much taller and broader than Georgina, I felt self-conscious if I wore anything low cut, or too far above my knees.’
‘So what happened next?’
‘Nina did my make-up, but she didn’t want me to see what I looked like. She kept telling me it would be like one of those makeover shows on the TV that we all watched in the common room at school in the evenings, and that I could see when she was done.’ Lizzie paused. ‘If I’d had any idea what she was doing, I’d have stopped her. But, stupidly, I trusted her.’
Seeing the look on Simon’s face, which veered between empathy and incredulity, perhaps that Lizzie could be taken in so easily, Lizzie tried to explain. ‘These were girls who’d alienated me since I’d started school, but they were my sister’s friends. I just wanted a little bit of what she had.’
‘I can understand that,’ Simon said quietly. ‘Wanting to belong, and be part of the herd, can be something that consumes you.’
Lizzie nodded. ‘Well, I went along with it. And when she told me to give her my glasses, that I’d look so much better without them, I agreed to that, too.’
Lizzie, needing to move from the cast-iron bistro chair, stood up and looked over the stone wall that bordered the verandah. ‘How stupid can you get?’ She gave a quiet laugh. ‘But, you know, I thought at last I was going to be part of the gang.’
Simon stood as well, and moved so that he was next to her. ‘I’m guessing this doesn’t end well,’ he said gently.
‘You’d be right.’ Bracing herself against the cool stone of the verandah wall, she turned to face Simon. ‘Nina led me down to what I think used to be your old family living room. The lights were off in there, and at that point I think I knew that something wasn’t right. I’d been telling myself all the way through that because Nina was George’s friend she wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.’ She shuddered at the memory. ‘Nina brought me in, holding my hand, and I knew that there were people in there, but without my glasses, and with the lights out, I couldn’t see. I tried to ask her what she was doing, but the second she’d put me in the room, she’d let go of my hand. She told me to call out to find Theo: that he was there, in the room waiting for me. Stupidly, I did. Then, before I really knew what was going on, all the lights came on.’ She turned back to Simon, who’d taken her hand again.
‘Nina shouted something as she turned on the lights, about me having a gorgeous makeover, and didn’t I look fabulous, but I knew, at that moment, that I’d been set up. That I looked awful, and the worst part was, I couldn’t even see their faces properly.’ She stifled a sob. ‘But even though they were all so fuzzy without my glasses, I knew they were all there. All of Sarah’s friends, and the boys from St Jude’s. And they were laughing at me. I’d become even more of a joke than I was already.’ Lizzie covered her face with her hands, the shame of what had happened washing over her. Twenty years might have passed, but this was the first time she’d spoken about what had happened, and it felt, for that moment, as raw as it had back then.
Simon moved closer, and enfolded his arms around Lizzie. He felt solid, and reassuring, and she leaned against him, drawing strength from his closeness. It had been so draining, recounting all of it, but she realised with some surprise that she was feeling a little lighter because of it.
‘I’m so sorry, Lizzie.’ Simon’s tone was as appalled as his expression. ‘If I’d known any of this, I’d have stopped the party there and then.’
‘They were stupid, vicious kids,’ Lizzie said. ‘And that was what it was like back then. I was fair game, they thought.’
