Page 82 of White Raven
How old did one have to be for retirement?
It was difficult for him to hide that his mouth kept filling up with water, and he was constantly having to swallow it down along with his nerves. All the shit he thought he’d been irritated about the past two days was a pebble in size compared to a shore of outright boulders. Brandon stared at his girl—a girl he loved deeply and was possibly pregnant…and maybe not even with his own child. He’d be the lowest asshole to judge her for something that happened before they’d been together. It wasn’t like he didn’t know that she was sleeping with Kane off and on for years. Aside from that, the possibility of it being Kane’s baby was low. No one was even sure it was a possibility.
“If this is a deal-breaker, I understand,” Rhaena sniffled, wiping her nose on her fifth tissue. “I hope it isn’t, but I get it.”
He raised his knees and spread his legs, resting his elbows on top as he adjusted on the floor next to her chair. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Rhaena.”
She was so pretty when she cried. That seemed like such a weird thing to think about her, but something about seeing Rhaena Northwood vulnerable showed commitment that she often didn’t portray to other people. It made her twice as beautiful. He was in balls-deep, and there was no way he could ever walk away from her without ripping out a vital piece of himself. He had it bad.Reallybad. While this situation was ashock, if she really was pregnant with his child, then a bigger part of him was happy about it. The only family he still had alive was his father, and he lived in Michigan with his second wife, Amy. He thought of Amy as more of a mother to him than his own, and if they’d heard this news, they’d both be ecstatic. Rhaena didn’t have family at all, and she still thought that this was a death sentence. Maybe it was to her career, and he understood how scary this notion was, but did it really not mean what it did to him?
“I’d pay top dollar for your thoughts, Brandon.”
“Have you never wanted kids?” he asked, looking over at her. Her lips pressed together, and her chin lowered, but she kept her eyes fixed on him.
“I’ve never really stopped to consider it. If I was ready for them, I wouldn’t have been on the pill. I can’t say I’ve been careful since I ran out, but it wasn’t because I was jumping at an opportunity to have a baby.”
“Why did you never tell me you were off?”
It was a valid question. If this was going to be a possibility, then she should have at least been honest about that. He would have gladly protected himself if she wasn’t ready.
“It just…I dunno. It slipped my mind. I’ve been so invested in everything else. I didn’t really think about it.”
He looked away, staring at the front door. “That’s a selfish answer, Rhaena.” She started crying again, and he felt about ten times worse. Was it harsh? Yeah…but it was the truth.
“You’re right,” she said, sniffling again. “And it isn’t a good excuse, either…but it’s true.”
“Would you marry me if you were?” he asked, turning his body towards her chair. Her head perked up, and she looked shocked. “Even if it wasn’t mine?”
“I—I don’t know,” she stuttered.
“Would you marry me if you weren’t?”
The bagel he’d had on the way here was stirring his stomach and the anticipation of her answer made him want to blow chunks. Her breathing picked up, and she stared at him like he’d grown five heads. He’d been contemplating this question for weeks but hadn’t been prepared for the blow he got when he’d knocked on that door. His asking her was going to be determined on how their conversation went, but this wasn’t the conversation that he’d expected to have. It didn’t change much. He still wanted her just as much as he had when he’d walked into that damn door.
“I would.” Her nod was shaky and confused. He didn’t blame her.
Brandon adjusted himself onto one knee and moved her legs off of the arm of the chair to settle between his knees. She panicked as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a small black box.
“I’m good at my job, Rhaena. I chase leads, and I consider myself a tech genius. I’m a smart man, and a big enough one to admit that I can’t see an oncoming apocalypse ready to blow all our plans to shit. I busted my ass in school, and at the academy. I hit the books harder than I think I’ve ever hit a person in my life. I trained for just about everything. What I expected out of my life after all of that…didn’t include being struck absolutely stupid by something like love. I don’t think any amount of training or studying could have prepared me for you, Northwood. I’m blissfully ignorant. Being unprepared for whatever the future holds suddenly feels a lot more fun, than spending my life knowing all the answers. As long as you’re the reason.”
She pressed that soggy tissue to her nose and held it there, tears spilling over her cheeks as he opened the box.
“I don’t care how bumpy the road is, or how many curves are hidden up ahead. I’d love to spend the rest of my life ridingthat blue line with you, Rhaena Northwood. You’ve been the most unexpected thing, and the one person that makes all the mystery in my life a thrill that’ll never cease to amaze me. I love you. No matter what happens, I need you to know that I’ll never give you up. You wanna have babies? Let’s do it. You wanna stay in our bubble forever? I’m down. I just need to know…will you be my wife?”
“Yes,” she wept, nodding and running a palm down the side of his face. “Absolutely.”
He leaned in, smiling as he pressed a rough kiss to her mouth, and slid a small diamond over her finger. “This wasn’t really how I planned it, but I—”
“It’s perfect.”
“I need you to understand I’ll be here, Rhaena. No matter what you decide. I’ll always be here. I may not be your partner, but…”
“Youare,” she sniffed, tilting his chin up. “You are my partner, Brandon. You’re my everything.”
She’d never understand how much that meant to him. Something that seemed so insignificant but spoke more volumes than anything else. He could deal with her choosing not to have the baby if they found out she was, in fact, pregnant. He could deal with rearing a child that wasn’t his if it came to that. What he couldn’t deal with was being without her. And whatever history she had with Athan Kane…he was pretty sure just became something else.
Something finished.
CHAPTER 16
