Page 148 of White Raven
“Yes…The Queen…and the Savior of our kind.” He slowly stood from his chair, shrugging off his jacket, and stepping backinto the moonlight at the window. “A rare…and radiant maiden, who the angels named Lenore.”
“Sarah…Lenore…St. James,” Sarah whispered, staring down at his shadow on the floor. “Sarah saved your life. Gave you immortality. Lenore…was lost to you. You mourned…me?”
There was a stagnant silence for a few heartbeats, and then he spoke again. “Portland is a lovely place. Lovely, but…oftentimes a bore. Years ago, I decided to spend a bit of time with the coven in Seattle. They were having rank issues and needed to be reminded of who wore the crown. I remained there for over a year. One evening, there was a jazz event downtown…I grew to really enjoy the music. A lighthearted holiday from the darkness I dwelled in. And so, I went. I dressed myself to blend in. I kept to myself. But…I’ve always had such a weakness for beautiful women.”
“Mama…” Sarah whispered. His back was turned, but he nodded softly as he continued to stare out the window.
“She was so kind. Sospirited. She had such a stunning voice. Her eyes…you have them. They’re captivating. Enchanting, even.”
Athan stared at her, and it felt like Poe was speaking forthem. Like he couldn’t find a single thing he said to disagree with. Her heart raced.
“She thieved my heart that night. Made incredible use of my body—my broken soul. It was all I could do to leave her in that hotel room before dawn came for me. The bird stirred me from sleep in just enough time. I took from him a feather…his most handsome. I left it beneath her hand as she slept like one of Heaven’s messengers. I told myself I’d not seek her again, andfor a long while…I did not. The bird was my eyes. He kept watch over Katherine, and…I longed for her. So much so that I refused to leave Seattle, although my business within the city was long past finished.”
“You only slept with heronce?” Sarah asked.
“Yes. Once was all it had taken for my heart to belong to her. Many times, did I consider tasting her blood. Feeding her my own. Having her for myself forever. But…Katherine St. James was too precious a soul for the existence of demons. She was an angel. A beacon of joy, and laughter. She didn’t belong in our world.” His shoulders sagged, and he hung his head, pressing it against the glass. “Months later, I realized the impossible…that I had failed her. As I’d failed every other woman in my life. The bird revealed her swelling belly. Something I helped create, that I wasn’t certain would not take her life.”
Sarah’s muscles went tight. Her breathing hitched, and Athan reached over, pulling her into his lap. His arms were home. Her solace, and peace. She practically melted into him. Tony sat silent in his chair, a haunted expression on his face.
“She was rife with joy. With tenderness for you…even when she knew she’d raise you alone. I couldn’t keep the truth from her. She deserved to know that the impossibility of what grew inside her body, might very well be the death of her. And so, I revealed myself again. This time at her home. At first, she was grateful. She was glad to know that my knowledge of your existence wasn’t a burden. That I’d be glad to be in your lives, and even if we never became more…we would raise you together.” He turned toward her, and the pain on his face was almost heartbreaking. “My darling…I truly wished for…nothing more.”
Nothing more…
But he couldn’t. Because he was what he was. Athan’s body stiffened against her back, and Sarah’s heart broke. For her mother.Andfor her father. Poe returned his hands to his lower back, taking a long breath.
“It was such a cruel price to pay. Crushing that beautiful spirit to give her the truth. But there was no way to be there for the two of you without it. I was at her mercy. At first, she didn’t believe me. But I drew my own blood—let her see me for what I truly was, and then…she was terrified. Not of me…but of what it would mean foryou. She told me she would birth you, even if it killed her. And she did. I was not to be near. Katherine gave birth to you…on January 29th. Only minutes after midnight. On one of the coldest, and rainiest nights Seattle had ever seen. The day that so many years prior—I published the poem that brought me fame. LikeThe Raven, you…you were my legacy, Sarah.”
Once upon a midnight dreary…while I pondered, weak and weary…
“Sarah…” Athan breathed, almost to himself…
“It was as if my haunted mind had foretold you. I wanted so desperately to see you. To be near you. The bird revealed your good health. Katherine’s. Your hair, the color of the feather I’d left on her pillow that morning. Your eyes as wide and entrancing as hers. I spent nearly a week distracting my mind with books. With writing. With anything that would keep me from breaking my promise to your mother and letting you both live in peace. I thought that knowing a part of me lived…would be enough. But it wasn’t.”
Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
Nameless here for evermore.
“In my mind…I had named you. I didn’t yet know what she called you, or if she’d even cared. She did not seek me. She was just as spelled by your very existence, and so in love with you, that I, like every other time in my life…was forgotten. And so, again…I came to her door. I brought with me a piece of my childhood. A piece of myself to leave with you. I told myself that I would hold you once…leave you with the secret reminder of your blood—your heritage—and be grateful that you were alive and loved by someone as pure as Katherine St. James. You would grow and thrive. She gave me that dignity. And the moment I wrapped you in that coverlet…the moment you looked at me withhereyes…my heart belonged to another. To mydaughter…to my little bird.”
A tear rolled down Sarah’s cheek, cooling as it reached her chin. She met her father’s eyes. “The blanket…it was yours.”
“Created by my mother’s own hands when I was a small child. One of the only things I had left of her when I parted ways with my sisters, and went to live with John Allan. It followed me everywhere I went. As it also seems to do with you.”
“It—It gives me so much warmth…comfort…I’ve always loved that ratty-ass blanket.”
Poe smiled. A genuine smile. One filled not with insanity—but adoration.
“I named you that night. If Katherine had chosen another for you, she never said so. She was happy. As was I. There are only a very few times in my life that I’ve been able to shed tears…and that night, they flowed like rivers of spring. Like the rain on the night you were born. I agreed to leave you, and never return, keeping watch on you both with the bird’s help. I marked myself with the ink I continued to use, and the very quill I scribbled my notes with—the true nature of a writer—the significance of you in my flesh…forever.”
“So, you left us. Because she wanted to protect me from the truth?” Sarah asked, hoarsely. He nodded.
“It was the agreement we made. You would live without knowledge of me. Without the knowledge of this coven, and all the darkness that came with it. You’d live among angels, fighting that darkness with the light she gave to you. But then…” He smirked, and his mustache twitched as he started to pace the floor. All of them followed his figure with their stares, slack-jawed, and consumed by his story. “I was in Portland, drowning my mind with research for the wolves, and their protection. A project that distracted me for a long while. A member of the coven informed me that Katherine was attempting to reach out to me…about your well-being. Your body was growing, and your blood—it was different.Youwere different. So, I traveled back to Seattle. I saw you from a distance…riding a bicycle and cursing when your mother wasn’t near enough to hear you every time it toppled over.” He smiled, recalling the memory, and turned to pace in the direction of the window.
“I was careful that day to hide within the shadows of the sunset. She called you inside for dinner, and you threw that small contraption with strength that no child that age should have had. Your temper was amusing, but…I could see what was different about you. The fear any mother would have for her child. The uncertainty of what you might become.” He paused, and stared out the window, the deep navy of dawn creeping across the skies. “I spoke with Katherine as you slept that night. Begged her to nullify our agreement. To let me study you, and make sure that you’d be safe. She refused.”
