Page 59 of Tyton: The Spider and the Dragonfly
Sesi shook her head.“No, for once he didn’t say anything.He’s always kept you pretty close to his chest.”
Callie breathed a sigh of relief.Given how tired she felt after last night’s horrible sleep, she was glad Sparx cherished their friendship so much.If only he didn’t constantly blab to her mother.
“No,” Sesi continued, “It’s all over your face.”
Callie felt a sinking sensation, but she tried to smooth out her expression.
Sesi held out her hand as Callie approached.“It happens to everyone.For a species that has an aversion to killing each other, we’re still pretty good at it.”
“How do you feel?”Callie took Sesi’s hand.She was grateful for it because she was about to bite her fingernails again.
“About killing?I would rather not.
“It doesn’t feel good?”
Sesi narrowed her eyes.Then her expression relaxed.“That’s what this is about.”
Callie lowered her gaze.
“I might be reaching here,” Sesi started, “because I know exercise isn’t really a thing people do anymore since the widespread adoption of strength amplifiers, but have you ever run?”
Callie frowned.“Of course I’ve run.It’s not like we don’t doanything”
“Okay, sorry, I still feel like an outsider sometimes,” Sesi laughed, chastised.“Have you ever run so hard that even though your body is in pain, your brain suddenly starts to feelgood?”
“Are you trying to tell me thatmurderis the same as arunner’s high?” Callie frowned, indignant.
“No.I mean, yes, but I swear, I’m not trying to tell you murder is on the same level as running.”Sesi raised her hand defensively but she could tell Callie was still sceptical.“The chemicals are the same, no matter what you’re doing.They keep you focused.Alive,” Sesi emphasised.
“But I don’twantto feel good about murder!”Callie started hyperventilating, panic setting in.
Sesi took Callie’s bicep and placed the other hand on her chest.“Okay.”
Callie didn’t understand the gesture, where it was going, but feeling the warmth of Sesi’s hand against her breathing, her grip anchoring her, took some of the edge off.
“You don’t want to murder.”
“No!”Her breathing picked up again.How did Sesi not understand this?
“It’s okay, I’m not going to try to convince you of anything, I just want to make sure I understand, okay?”Sesi’s deep brown eyes never left Callie’s.For a colour so dark, they were surprisingly rich and warm.
Callie nodded, her heartbeat still pounding.
“You don’twantto, but you did it anyway.Something took over.”
Callie nodded vigorously, but didn’t break eye contact.
“And that something gave you a rush.”
She nodded again.
“And that rush felt good.”Sesi felt her pulse quicken, so she added “but you don’t want that.It makes you feel guilty.”
“Yes.”Callie felt calm enough to enunciate that much at least without yelling.
“Okay.”
“That’s it?”Callie’s face contorted painfully.Why would Sesi waste her time like this?
