Page 58 of Don't Leave
“Everything happened really fast between us. Maybe I pushed you too far. I don’t know anymore.”
“No, that’s not it.” My voice is so thick with unspent emotion that it feels as if I’m choking on it.
He beelines for the door before saying, “I need to take a step back and clear my head. I think we both do.”
My shoulders collapse until the weight of the realization that there is nothing I can say that will change his mind. In a way, his actions don’t surprise me. Cole is just being honest and he’s doing what he thinks is best, not only for himself, but for me as well.
“That’s it then? We’re…” No matter how hard I try, I can’t wrap my lips around the wordsbreaking up.
I’m trying so hard to keep it together and if I force out those two words, the tears stinging the back of my eyes will fall. I don’t think I can bear to hear him say them either. I don’t want him to tell me that it’s over and he’s moving on with his life.
That I need to do the same.
I can’t help but think about the empty shell of a person I was before meeting him. Just going through the motions. Scared to get close to anyone. Afraid of opening up and allowing someone to know the real me. The one who fucked up and made a mess out of her life.
I’m terrified of reverting back to that again.
“If you have feelings for Luke, you need to explore them,” he says, cutting into my thoughts. You owe it to yourself to be in a relationship with the person you truly want.”
I swallow thickly as he reaches his hand out toward me, toward my cheek, before retracting it before he can actually make contact.
“We both need to take some time to figure out what we want.”
I bite down almost savagely on my lower lip so I won’t break down and beg him not to do this. Unable to speak, I jerk my head into a tight nod. Even though it’s a small movement, it takes a herculean effort.
Just as I do, his arm snakes out and he hauls me to him so that I’m flush with his hard body. His golden eyes scour mine before his lips crash down onto mine, dragging me under with him. For one blissful moment, I’m consumed with him.
He’s all I can taste and feel.
Just as I sink into his caress, he wrenches himself away.
With one last soulful look aimed in my direction he yanks open my door and leaves the room.
Leaves me.
It’s only after the lock clicks into place that my knees buckle and I collapse onto the bed, knowing that I’ve just let the best thing that ever happened to me walk out of my life.
CHAPTER 18
CASSIDY
“Cass, I know you’re hurting, but you have to snap out of it.” Brooklyn shoots me a concerned glance as we walk across campus before adding, “You’re beginning to scare me.”
Snap out of it.
If only I could.
If only it were that easy.
It feels like I’ve been sleepwalking through a dense fog for the past ten days. Other than breaking up with Cole, I don’t think I could tell you what else happened. And everything in my life has suffered because of it.
I keep telling myself that I need to pull it together. There is no way I can fail out of school for a second time. Especially when I’m starting to make progress with my parents. Meeting with both of them last week and having everything go smoothly was the only bright spot in an otherwise crappy week.
If I’d held out a tiny scrap of hope that this breakup with Cole would blow over, that hope has been fully extinguished. I’ve barely seen him. There hasn’t been one single text or call exchanged between us. He’s pretty much disappeared from mylife as if he were never a part of it. Even though we have Psychology 201 together every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he now slides last minute into the back of the lecture hall next to his cousin, Sammy.
“I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
That’s my new mantra.
