Page 95 of A Sword of Ice
Iona hated those words.She wished she could freeze them and drop them from a high building and watch them shatter against the ground. They spoke of dreadful things to come, and the burning look of betrayal in his eyes let her know this talk wasn’t going to be pleasant at all.
She hated herself for putting that look on his face. Julius had been nothing but kind to her. He had accepted her without knowing the full truth. She couldn’t imagine what he was feeling, and she didn’t even know how to begin to tell him.
She sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Julius didn’t pull away but ran a comforting thumb down her pulse. His woodsy scent filled her nostrils and calmed her, took away her relentless need to tap.
“I just want the truth, Iona,” he said tightly. “Was all of it a lie? Arewea lie?”
She jerked in his hold and pulled away only to grasp at the lapels of his jacket and yank him close. “Never,” she said with anguish. “We aren’t a lie, and I would never use you for my own gain.”
“But you did.” He sounded so broken that for a moment Iona’s heart broke, too. “You used me—us—for something selfish.”
“For my sister,” she corrected. “Yes, perhaps it was selfish of me, but you have to understand. She’s all I have left.”
His eyes flared with injury. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her off of him, letting her go and taking a step back. That rejection hurt too much, too.
“Believe it or not, I understand what it is to fight for things in your life. I know starvation and humiliation as intimately as a lover.” He shook his head and tugged at the end of his ginger beard. “I just wish you would have been honest with me from the start. It would have changed everything. Our strategy, Valerio’s reaction… He willnevertrust you again.”
She hated that she cared about that after everything he’d said, but she did. She revered the prince and was afraid she’d broken whatever relationship they could have built together because of her selfishness. She’d been blind by her own mission, and had treated everyone poorly. Especially the prince. Now, he probably wouldn’t even want to be her friend at all.
“I was afraid,” Iona confessed on a whisper.
“Of what?”
“I was afraid that if I told you about my sister, you wouldn’t believe me and you wouldn’t want to help. Or worse, that you saddled yourself with a mate who is mad.” That would have crippled her, she thought.
Julius stepped forward again. “Why would I think you mad?”
She scoffed. “You saw how the others looked at me. Like I’m delusional because I had a feeling, given from Mana, that she was alive even after all this time. I couldn’t bear for you to look at me like that, too.”
Julius shrugged. “Crazier things have happened.” He cupped her cheek. “And let it be known, I do believe you. I just do not like being lied to.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, not sure if she said it enough. He might not really forgive her, but she needed him to. He was her mate and she’d turned everyone else against her within a few hours. She needed him. Selfishly, perhaps, to not feel so alone in the world.
Julius smiled, soft and a little sad. “I forgive you. I know we jumped into being mates all too quickly and we will have to learn each other, but you can always be honest with me and I will always support you. I will always be here to help you. I don’t give a flying fuck if we’re new, or if I don’t know much about you. I want to know everything, and I want to help with anything I can.”
The tears she spilled were caught in the palm still cupping her cheek. “I was selfish,” she whispered.
“It’s okay to be selfish,” he said, pulling her closer by the waist. “And it’s okay to hope for the best, too. That’s one thing living with the people of the wood taught me. But we are a group now, and we have to work as a team.”
She groaned. “I have to apologize to Prince Valerio, don’t I? And Ryker and Shula.”
“Afraid so, mate.”
She groaned and tugged him closer by the hem of his jacket. “Will you help me?” She wasn’t usually nervous when talking to others, but just the thought of the confrontations ahead made her want to break her fingers against her thighs.
A deep, rumbling chuckle sounded from Julius’ chest. “I think this is something you have to do on your own.”
As much as she hated it, she knew he was right. She’d never relied on anyone to hold her hand in difficult situations before and she wouldn’t start now, no matter how comforting Julius was or how much his presence helped.
Thiswassomething she had to do on her own. She had to own up to her mistakes and recognize when she was in the wrong. And she’d been wrong. She’d put her companions’—her friends’—lives in jeopardy over a rumor given to her by George. A rumor she’d held onto for years because she believed Mana was telling her it was true.
She still believed it was true, but she knew now the chances of finding her sister were slim. Because the Fae wouldn’t trust her again, and there was no chance now that they’d go to another one of those places even if she fell to her knees and groveled.
Which, she suspected she would be doing.
Whether she liked it or not.
