Page 97 of True Sight
IfI’ll see him again.
I sigh in my chair and push back from my desk at the thought, gnawing on my bottom lip. A sense of disappointment and lack takes root in my gut as I think about never seeing him again. Iwantto see him again. I just don’t know if he wants to see me. After he ran off on Sunday I figured I’d hurt his feelings enough to the point of no return. It doesn’t help that he didn’t send me any kind of cheeky message yesterday morning after getting done with class like he normally does or to confirm our weekly meeting that is supposed to be this morning. I didn’t reach out to himeither; I just hope that he’ll show up at my door at our usual meeting time.You should have just said it back you fuckwad.I scrub my eyes with my palms as if to push the menacing voice out of my head. Not that it ever works, the voice just gets louder.
You’ve managed to ruin the one solid relationship outside of your friends in years. You’ve really done it this time. He’s a patient guy, especially with you. But not saying ‘I love you’ back? Nail in the coffin. Say goodbye to any idea of a future you may have had with him because it’s long gone now. Just like your parents and just like your grandma. Gone, forever. You’re going to be alone,forever.
My skin starts to itch and my throat begins to tighten. Suddenly, I shoot up from my chair like I’ve been poked with a cattle prod as the need to escape hits me again.
“Let’s go, Annie,” I call to her, and she comes running, ready and eager for her third walk of the day. I’ve hardly gotten work done because of my sheer lack of focus and constant need to walk off the anxiety that’s burrowed its hooks into me, refusing to let go. I huff out a heavy sigh as I open the door and walk down the hallway with her. Once we hit the open air, my heart seems to relax as it feels the cool December breeze across my face. Christmas is next week and the gift I’d gotten Henry is sitting in the back of my closet waiting to be wrapped and gifted. A new pair of workout shoes for his first day in the studio once it officially opens. At this point, I hope I’ll still be able to give them to him.
As I walk down the block I replay the scene in my head again.
‘Did you hear what I said? I said I love you…’
‘Yeah, I heard you.’
‘Do you have anything you want to say?’
‘No, I don’t think so.’
‘No, I don’t think so?’ Was I fucking serious?I grimace to myself as Annie and I round the corner. I’m not sure if I love him or not because I’ve never loved anyone in the way he’s asking. Sure, I love my friends but they’re my friends. And yeah, I love Annie but she’s a dog. But Henry is Henry and he means something completely different to me than anyone else in my life does. He means having a consistent person to share a meal with. He means getting to sit in a coffee shop with another person instead of by myself. He means having someone to wake up to in the middle of the night after I’ve had a nightmare. He means having someone who looks at me with admiration and care instead of someone who’s difficult to be around.
But does that mean I love him?
I’m not sure. Not to mention, I’ve only known him since September, and from then to now isn’t a whole lot of time to fall in love with another person. I don’t know anyone who has fallen in love with another person in such a short time, so how would it be possible for someone like me to?
My feet stop short on the sidewalk and Annie tugs on her leash, not noticing my sudden halt.But you do know someone who fell in love that quickly.I pull out my phone to send a text.
Hey Hank, sorry to bother you during the work day. You gotta minute?
Sure man, what’s going on?
I was wondering if you wanted to workout tonight.
I send it off quickly before I can change my mind. I know me asking to workout with him will sound some alarm bellsbut I’ll deal. The plan is to get him alone and ask him questions about how he knew he was in love with Bailey. A little bit of recon to help me figure out my own head and heart.
You…wanna workout? With me?
Yeah if you have time. And you don’t mind.
Of course I have time. Everything okay? I can just come over if you want me too.
No, the gym is fine. Just text me the name and I’ll meet you there.
He sends me the address of his gym and a photo of a guest pass that I assume I’ll use to get in.
I’ll see you at 7.
Hank?
Yeah dude?
Just you and me tonight, if you don’t mind.
Bailey has plans with the girls tonight anyway. Just me and you.
Seven o’clock rollsaround before I’m ready and I quickly find myself walking into an overlit gym that reeks of body odor and disinfectant spray. Stepping inside, I look around and sigh a breath of relief when I see Hank loitering around, seemingly waiting to see if I would show up.
“Hey, you came,” he calls out, walking up to me and pulling me into a quintessential bro hug. His brown curlyhair is longer than normal and he’s wearing a cut-off shirt and athletic shorts. He looks like a professional athlete compared to me.
