Page 95 of True Sight
“What can I say, wearing you out is my favorite thing to do.” He’s speaking with his eyes closed but smiles up at the ceiling.
“How about you? Sleep well? No nightmares?”
“No nightmares,” he repeats. “They seem to stay away when you’re around. My personal ray of sunshine lighting up my life, even while I sleep.” I feel my cheeks flush. This isn’t the first time he’s called me ‘his sunshine.’ Every time he does, I feel my heart do a flip and fall even more in love with him. Wrapping my lips around my teeth, I study him for a moment and push myself up on my elbow.
“Conrad?” My voice is shaky as the three words I’ve wanted to say for weeks now sit on the tip of my tongue.
“Yeah, sweets?”
I take a breath and jump. “I love you.”
His eyes finally open and he stares at the ceiling for a beat before looking at me. He studies me intensely through furrowed brows and his mouth hangs slightly ajar. My heart is pounding so loudly in my chest I swear he can hear it.
“Conrad,” I start, making sure he can hear me.
“Yeah?”
“Did you hear what I said? I said I love you…” My voice trails off as the wonderful fantasy I created in my head about how this moment would go quickly starts to fade.
“Yeah, I heard you,” he replies, bringing his eyes back to the ceiling of the room. My own eyebrows push together, confused by his reaction. I sit up in bed and face him.
“And?” I ask, apprehensively.
“And what?” He’s blinking feverishly and his eyes dart around in every direction other than me.
“And…” I keep my voice soft. “Do you have anything you want to say?”
“Uhh–uhm,” he stammers. “No, I don’t think so.” He swallows hard and licks his lips. The air around us is thick and uncomfortable as I sit next to him like a dejected puppy. My head falls and I stare at my hands in my lap.
“Oh…okay then,” I manage to get out. I can’t believe it; he doesn’t love me back. I thought when I told him he would say it too but I guess I’d been wrong. We sit in an awkward silence as I wait for him to say something, anything. Sadness and disappointment grows in my chest the longer I sit and before long, it’s too much to handle.
“I’m gonna go,” I whisper, quickly crawling out of bed and collecting my clothes. The need to escape, to be anywhere else, is burning through my body. Needing to escape the mortifying feeling of shame and embarrassment has me moving faster than I do in almost any of my classes.
“Henry, wait,” he calls after me, scrambling out of bed and following me through his apartment.
“No, it’s okay. I have to go, I’ll talk to you later.” My throat is tight as I choke out the words, trying to sound optimistic and cheerful. I quickly get dressed and step into my trainers. My shirt is inside out but I don’t take the time to fix it because the tears in my eyes are threatening to spill down my cheeks with every passing second.
“Please, Henry, don’t leave.” He sounds desperate but I can’t bring myself to look at him. If I do, I know he’ll pity me even more. The sad pathetic sap who’s stupidly fallen in love with him and is now trying not to cry at his rejection.
“I have to go, I’m sorry. Bye, Annie girl.” I lean down to give her a quick kiss and hurry out the front door.
“Henry, wait,” I hear him say but I don’t stop to hear him finish the sentence before slamming the front door behind me. Once it’s shut, I wait outside to see if he’ll pull it open and come after me. But after a minute of waiting, I know he isn’t coming and I let the tears fall down my cheeks my entire walk home.
“Nice job,everyone. You all crushed that one,” I pant into my headset the next morning, using a towel to wipe the sweat from my brow. Alex sighs dramatically behind me before laughing, turning in circles to cool down and slow her heart rate. I rattle off my standard closing of class, reminding everyone of the opening date of the studio and how their membership will change once it does. Before closing, I give as heartfelt of a sign-off that I can muster up and then close our virtual studio room. Shutting my laptop, I plop down on my butt and lay flat against the cool studioroom floor. My eyes flutter shut as I work to catch my breath. Between the final cardio push of class and the crushing realization I had yesterday, I feel like I can’t take in a full breath.
“You wanna talk about it?” Alex asks, lying down on the floor and resting her head on my stomach. Together, we form a capital T while lying on the floor with our eyes closed.
“Talk about what?” I sigh without opening my eyes but cry out when she reaches up and pinches my thigh.
“You know what. You don’t seriously think you are hiding it that well, do you?”
“I don’t know what you’re–ow! Stop that,” I scold and slap her hand that had pinched me for a second time.
“Well, stop being an idiot and talk to me. You haven’t mentioned Conrad’s name once and normally by now I’m almost sick of hearing it. What’s going on with you two?”
I pause for a beat before forcing myself to say the words. The last twenty-four hours since I left his place have sucked and I want nothing more than to curl up in my bed and never leave. But with the studio being so close to opening and classes fully booked, I know that isn’t an option. So I did my best to reset, put on a brave face, and get the work done.
“I told him I loved him.” My voice is somber as I start to explain. Normally, telling someone you love them is an exciting, happy experience, but mine has just left me confused and deeply hurt. I thought he would say it back but instead he said…nothing. I can’t believe it.
