Page 80 of True Sight
I roll my eyes at her and lean back on the couch. When I don’t respond, she decides to fill the empty room with more questions.
“Have you told your friends yet?”
“No, hell no. I mean, Margaret knows but not because I told her. She kind of walked in on us one night,” I grumble.
“You haven’t told the guys?” By the tone of her voice I know she is in full therapist mode now.
“Why would I tell them?”
“Why would you not?” Her counter question strikes me right in the chest. My lips wrap around my teeth as I think about it.
“Because I don’t want things to change.” I shrug, feeling embarrassed.
“What’s going to change?” The softness of her voice irritates me more than it should.
“Everything. Everything will change if they know,” I nearly shout. “If they find out about him then things will be weird. They won’t look at me the same anymore, things will just be different. I’m not ready for things to be different. I’m not ready for them to know that I’m…that I’m…” my voice trails off again, failing again to say the word aloud.
Hanna looks at me with so much kindness in her eyes and smiles. “Conrad, your friends love you. And they don’t love you because of who you love, they love you because you’reyou.” She pauses to see if I have anything to say but I don’t.
“And something I think you’re failing to realize is that things have already changed. Your friend group has already changed in a lot of different ways which is part of the reason you started seeing me in the first place. Two of you are married now, and the other two of you are in committed relationships. You don’t need to fear change happening because it’salreadyhappened.”
“But if I tell them, things won’t be the same anymore.”
“Change isn’t always a bad thing. And things shouldn’t always be the same. Sometimes the best things happen when theyaren’tthe same as they’ve always been.” Her words are reminiscent of the ones Henry once told me. That the best things happen when we least expect them to, when we stop trying to control everything all the time. The flash of his face in my mind warms me a few degrees, the way his dark hair highlights his skin tone and how his eyes like to glance at me while he cooks.
“You sound like Henry,” I groan and realize just how similar their sentiments are.
“So his name is Henry? That’s a good name. It’s always in the name.” She nods and takes more notes.
“What about Miles, is Miles a good name?” I jest and raise a brow at her again.
“We aren’t going there.” She points her pen at me with a scowl. “When you’re ready, I hope you tell your friends about this side of you. I think you’ll find that they’re fully accepting of who you are, regardless of who you’re with.”
I study her for a beat and chew on my cheek.
“And Conrad?”
“Yeah?”
“Saying it for the first time is the hardest part. The word isn’t as scary as you might think. You don’t have to rush, but I’m proud of you for working to step into this version of yourself. And the way I view you changes in no way shape or form. Do you understand?”
She looks at me over the bridge of her nose and I can’t help but smile the littlest bit. She might be my therapist but the more I come to see her the more I start to see her as a friend too. I may not have been overly enthused during our first session together but I’m glad I’ve forced myself to come each week anyway.
“Yeah, Hanna, I understand. Thank you.”
She reaches over and pats my knee, giving it a little shake. “Good. Now tell me all about this Henry fellow. I hope Annie likes him or he will have to go.”
31
HENRY
With each passing day, the temperatures outside drop a little bit more and we get a little bit closer to the grand opening of the studio. Hardie and his men have been working diligently to make sure that it will be ready to go for our January 5th opening day. Like a dancer getting ready for their call time, every detail matters so the show will go off without a hitch. And with the passing time, my feelings for Conrad only seem to deepen. I know myself and the way my emotions like to run away with themselves. There’s been plenty of times in the past where I fell hard and fast only to be burnt in the end. I’ve tried to keep my heart in check, tried to not let it run away with the ideas of what we can be, but I’m failing miserably. And anytime he smiles at me, sends me a text to let me know he’s thinking about me, or I see how he loves Annie, I fall even further.
Lord help me.
“Okay, so I’m gonna need you and Alex to vacate the upstairs for the next three weeks as the boys and I will be up there demoing that space. You can hold your dance partiesdownstairs in the main studio room and we will be sure to not schedule any loud noises during your classes.” Hardie nods his head at me as he explains the next phase of renovations.
“It’ll take us about three weeks to gut the room and make it match the plans you have for it. From there, we’ll finish the lobby last so it’s nice and pretty for your grand opening.” I smile widely at the burly man staring back at me, swinging the etching pencil in his hand around like his own version of a twirler’s baton.
