Page 62 of I Would Stay Forever
“I figured,” he said quietly, “since you were all the way out here. Not many other reasons to drive to the highway.”
“I wasn’t going to stop,” I admitted. “I didn’t know where I was going, but I was leaving.”
He nodded slowly, eyes searching mine. “And now?”
“I don’t know.” I swallowed, feeling the sharp pinch of it in my throat. “I just knew I needed you.”
“You have me.” He said it so easily. So simply. Like it was a fact that had never been in question. “And you made me a promise, remember?”
It took a second for me to follow, but then I remembered the morning that he ran after me. I’d pinky promised him.Don’t run unless you have something you’re running to.
The reminder was like a jagged knife in the chest. I’d thought of all the same reasons for why I didn’t want to go like this, but hearing the words from him made me feel like I’d been punched in the stomach. What had my plan been? Was I going to call my friends and family, or would I just leave without a trace, leaving them all wondering what could have happened to me? Would I ever come home?
“I saw my dad,” I said, the words slipping out before I even consciously thought about wanting to tell him. Dean ran his thumb over my cheek again, but he didn’t press me for more details. I offered them on my own instead. “He was by the plaza with…her.” I still didn’t know the mistress’s name, and right now I had no desire to find out. “And all I can think is that I’m never going to be able to escape him. Every time I turn around, he’ll be there. As if he has any right to be in my life. And how can I escape unless I’m gone?”
I took a deep and shaky breath. It didn’t seem fair to me that this town wasn’t big enough for me to be able to avoid him, promise to Dean or not. It was Dad’s fault for coming back to the areas that he knew we frequented. He could have stayed away, but he chose not to. And it made me want to kill him. Wasn’t hurting us once enough? Why continue to make his return again and again? The tears returned, hot and fast.
“Running won’t save you, you know,” Dean said after a moment. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate. He sighed. “I mean… your dad is always going to be in your life in some way or another.”
“Why would you say that?” I asked in a soft and broken voice. The words seemed so needlessly cruel after the way he saw me struggling. Why would he even speak the thought into existence?
He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, looking like he was thinking through his response carefully.
“I mean… You’ve seen him twice since he left, and the first time was at urgent care, right?” I nodded in confirmation. “So, that wasn’t exactly a coincidence. You were only there because Imogen was hurt—and if you knew that he was going to show up, would you have chosen not to go?”
My eyes widened. “That’s a horrible thing to say.”
“But that’s my point,” he said earnestly. “It doesn’t matter if you’re here or across the country—if Imogen called you from the hospital, you would show up. But… so will he.”
With none of us talking to Dad for the first month, it hadn’t occurred to me that I would ever run into a problem like this. I hadn’t even entertained the thought that he might get called in an emergency because none of us talked to him. We didn’t even have a phone number to call. I still didn’t know how Imogen had gotten in contact with him again, but I knew she must have gone out of her way to do it.
“But today was a coincidence,” I said. My voice sounded scratchier and less certain than before. “He was just there. That wouldn’t happen anywhere else.”
“But what are the chances of it happening again?” Dean asked. “In nearly two months, you’ve accidentally run into him once. You think running away and leaving your whole life behind is worth it to avoid maybe six confrontations with your dad a year?”
I dropped my head back against the headrest, exhausted in a way that had nothing to do with sleep. He was right, of course. This was why I needed him. He was the voice of reason that I couldn’t be when I was so clouded by my own pain and misery. I still wasn’t sure if I was going to stay for good. I wasn’t sure what would happen once that diploma was in my hands and freedom in my grasp. But could I make it an entire year?
“We could go together,” I said. “We could run away from all of this and leave our families behind. You said yourself that theperfection your parents want from you is suffocating. Don’t you want to see what it could be like to be away from it all?”
“Not like this.”
“Not with me, you mean.”
Dean looked at me like I’d punched him and I had no idea why. His face was so pained that it made me want to take back my words, even though I wasn’t sure what about them caused him to look like that. He took my chin in his hand and swiped away a stray tear so gently that it almost made me begin crying again.
“No—I mean, not like this. I’m not going to run off in the middle of the night as if I have something to be ashamed of. But I need you to know that I would follow you to the ends of the earth, Lavender. I would have since the moment I met you.”
I let out a soft sigh and turned away from him. “You lying to me doesn’t make this better, Dean.”
“What on earth makes you think I’m lying?”
He sounded offended, although I couldn’t understand why. It was obvious that he hadn’t had feelings for me until recently and the fact that he wouldn’t follow me now meant they couldn’t be nearly as strong as he believed them to be—or as strong as mine were for him. The truth of it hurt me more than I would care to admit, but I would not let myself break down over that right now when I had so many other things to be worrying about already.
Dean pulled out his phone and turned it in my direction. I stared at him, bemused.
“What’s my passcode?” he asked me seriously.
I did my best not to roll my eyes but I wasn’t sure I was successful. “Dean…”
