Page 44 of Worth the Heat
As soon as the tears stop falling, I head to the bathroom to clean myself up, before making a series of phone calls.
I have a bunch of apologies to make, and a man to save.
SEBASTIAN
One step forward, a billion steps back. And I just can’t do it anymore. I’m done waiting for Isabella. Praying for her. Wishing she’d let me in. I have to let go and force myself to move on.
I’ve told her so many times that I was patiently waiting. But I think today I reached my breaking point.
I don’t remember the walk from Isabella’s apartment to my truck. For one fleeting moment, I thought she’d come after me, but I should have known better. She’s fought me tooth and nail from the beginning, and it’s my own damn fault for thinking I could change her. Make her fall in love with me. I was so fucking far gone for her that I convinced myself I could persuade her that I was the one.
Shaking my head in both disbelief and bitterness, I pull up Trace’s contact and call him.
“You got her?” he asks, and I can hear the smile in his voice. When I peeled out of my driveway, he gave me a thumbs up. I know he assumed I got to Isabella’s and probably turned her over my lap for her behavior, then fucked her six ways to Sunday.
“No, man. It’s over. I’m done.”
“What?”
“She’s never gonna see … never gonna feel the same … and I justcan’t anymore. I’m done trying to convince her to want me,” I admit, and a sob forces me to cover my mouth. Trace can’t hear me cry. I can’t even remember the last time I cried.
“No fucking way. There’s no way, Seb. I’ve seen how she looks at you. She’s right there! You can’t give up when you’re this close to the finish line!” he yells.
“It isn’t a race or a competition. She doesn’t fucking trust me, and she never has. It’s never going to change, and I can’t live like that. I need my woman to know I’ll never do anything to disrespect her. That every decision I make will be for her safety, security, and happiness. But Isabella doesn’t want to believe that.” I sniff hard, wiping my face with the bottom seam of my shirt, before putting my seatbelt on. Putting the truck into drive, I pull away from Isabella’s apartment, refusing to look back. “Send someone to her place for the night, please. And round-the-clock surveillance until we catch the fuckers who came after her. And please get someone to clear out all of her things right now, at least from my room. I can’t look at them. You and a few of the guys can take everything back to her apartment tomorrow.”
“Are you sure? Maybe sleep on it and make decisions in the morning,” Trace says quietly.
“No. It needs to be done now. I’m the dumbass who thought I could make her fall in love with me, and she made it clear from the beginning that she wasn’t interested. It’s my fault. I’m taking the long way home, so you’ve got an hour to make it seem like she was never there.”
“Alright, but if you want my opinion —”
I interrupt him. “I don’t.”
“Well you’re getting it anyway. You’re going to regret this. You had an argument, and you gave up. Bullshit if you ask me. You’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to doubt you for even a second, so you could cut ties. Because you, my friend, have more to lose than she does.”
“How do you figure?” I ask angrily.
“You’re already in love with her, so any ending involves your heart being broken. She isn’t there yet, and you got impatient.”
“It’s not about being impatient!” I shout, my anger and sadness and frustration just exploding out of me. “She doesn’t fucking trust me! She tells me she does, but obviously that isn’t the case. She thinks I’d risk her safety, and that I haven’t had her best interests at heart. She ran back to her apartment because she was mad, and turned off her phone so I couldn’t even contact her. It was a fucking temper tantrum and I couldn’t find her! What kind of person does that?”
“A scared woman, Seb. That’s the person who did that,” Trace states quietly. “A woman who has no control over her fate, who has to live in someone else’s home because an unknown assailant is after her, and she knows you want her. I bet you told her tonight that you’re in love with her, didn’t you?”
When I don’t answer, he continues. “She’s scared and alone. She probably hasn’t told her parents anything, and her brothers undoubtedly squashed any rumors about things. All she has is that damn cat and the bakery. And she had you, but you just yanked that out from under her.”
“Her parents know,” I state offhandedly. “Her dad came to talk to me. He wanted her to move into the hotel, and I said no.”
“Why?”
“Because our men could do a better job of keeping her safe.”
“Yet now you’re just dropping her back off at her apartment without a thought. Fucked up, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t ask you,” I say irritably.
“What if Isabella follows you home tonight and asks for forgiveness? What will you say?” Trace asks.
“That’s moot, because it’ll never happen.”
