Page 49 of Dance With Me
Joe turned Seb around to face him, and Seb looked up into his eyes, the blue as bright as ever. A small smile played on Joe’s lips.
“It’s you, Seb. You’re the one.”
Seb was lost for words. He laughed awkwardly and moved away towards the window. “You’re kidding, right? What do you mean it’s me?”
Joe motioned to the sofa. “Can we sit, please? I can explain.” He sat and waited for Seb to do the same.
Seb took a seat at the other end but turned to look at Joe, one knee bent on the sofa. Joe had to be joking, and the more he thought about it, the more annoyed he became.
“You better start talking, Joe. This is fucking ridiculous. You’re straight. How can I be the reason you’re calling off the wedding? I won’t take the blame for this.” He was fuming now and ready to walk if Joe didn’t start talking soon.
“Hey, no one’s blaming you. Let me start from the beginning. I probably need to explain a few things first.” He looked at Seb. “I’m not straight, I’m bi. Always have been, and before you say anything, Clare knows and has from the beginning. When we got engaged about five months ago, I’d been feeling the pressure from both of our parents. I did it more from obligation than anything else; it was expected of me.
“I realise now it was the wrong thing to do. Since the engagement, I’ve been feeling off, as if something’s not right, but I wasn’t sure why. I went through the motions with Clare, arranging the wedding, agreeing to the suit fittings, the cake tastings, the wedding fayres, but my heart just wasn’t in it. And then I met you.” Joe’s eyes met Seb’s, and he could see the desire in them.
Seb didn’t know what to say to that but nodded encouragingly for Joe to continue. Was this what he’d been waiting to hear? He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but he sat there expectantly, wishing with all his heart it was.
“When I walked into your studio for the first time, I thought you were the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, Seb. I couldn’t take my fucking eyes off you.” Joe smiled and looked away as if embarrassed to admit it. “That Saturday, the day your car was vandalised, I’d been driving past in the hopes of seeing you, if just for a minute. I couldn’t believe my luck when you were just standing there. There was no way I was driving away without speaking to you.
“Asking you for extra lessons was a bit of a bluff on my part; it meant I could spend more time with you, alone. It gave me a chance to get to know you and to be closer to you.” Joe laughed. “I sound worse than your stalker.” He looked horror-struck for a beat. “Shit, it’s not me. Let me just say that.”
Seb snorted. “Pretty sure I know that Joe, but please, carry on.”
“Anyway, each moment I’ve spent with you has made me realise thatyouwere what I was missing. Your smile, your laughter. Fuck, just your company, Seb. You make me feel more at ease with myself, like I don’t have to pretend to be the perfect partner, the perfect fiancé. I can just be me. And if this isn’t what you want—if you can’t be with me for whatever reason—know that you made me believe in myself more and be true to myself in a way I haven’t been for a long time. For that, I thank you.” Joe finished what he was saying, and Seb could see the relief on his face. He reached forward to touch his cheek.
“Wow, Joe. That’s a lot to take in. I had no idea you felt that way about me.” Seb didn’t know what to say. Should he admit his feelings too? Should he admit to Joe that this was what he’d wanted for so long, a chance for them to be together? But he needed to be truthful with Joe.
“I’m a little upset, if I’m honest. I don’t want to be held responsible for this… you calling off the wedding. I don’t want to be labelled as the other man. I mean, we’ve never even kissed, for fuck’s sake.”
“Mmm, I’d like to rectify that as soon as possible.” Joe chuckled. “But please, don’t think you’re responsible, Seb. I’d been having misgivings about the wedding before I even met you. You are not to blame for my decision, but meeting you and realising that I could feel this for someone else made me see that the marriage would never work.”
Seb was shocked—to say the least—by this revelation, but secretly he’d been hoping this would go his way. He sat looking at Joe, at the man who could change his world, make him believe that he could be enough, then Joe continued.
“One other thing that I’m not one hundred percent sure about.” Joe looked conflicted, like he didn’t want to say what was on his mind. “I think Clare might be having an affair.”
“Whoa, that one I was not expecting. Since when? Whatever has put that in your head?” This was getting to be too much. Like a soap opera, but he listened anyway.
“I have nothing concrete, just a suspicion. Lots of little things that might add up to something or nothing. I’m going to need to speak to Clare about it, though, when I tell her about the wedding. I realise this has been a lot to take in, and I’m sorry if this has been a shock. Have I ruined everything between us, even if you can only give me friendship?”
Seb didn’t know what to say. Should he ask for some time, or should he just say what was in his heart?
He made his decision and moved closer to Joe, taking his hand.
“I admit that this has been a shock, but, if I’m honest, not an unwelcome declaration. I’ve felt the same for a while now. It’s been eating me up inside thinking that you were straight and that I’d never had a chance with you. But now I do, I don’t know what to do about it. I’m not prepared to take this any further, though, until you’ve told Clare. I won’t be the person that breaks you up.” Seb was adamant on this.
“I understand and I would never ask or expect that of you yet. I do hope we can see whether this could work, though, as soon as I’ve told Clare. Will you give us a chance to see where this could go? I haven’t been able to think about anything else but you for weeks now. You’ve consumed all my thoughts. Wednesday night, when we were at the beach, I imagined it was our first date.” Joe laughed. “Stupid, I know. And this weekend has been perfect.
“I admit that wanting to look at your accounts was an excuse to get you here so I could speak to you in person, to tell you how I was feeling. Underhanded I know, but I couldn’t think of another way.”
Seb stroked the back of Joe’s hand with his thumb. The skin was so soft, silky smooth, and he wondered what the rest of him would feel like.
“Wednesday was wonderful and would have been a fantastic first date. Coming here this weekend was my way of cutting ties with you,” Seb admitted. “I was going to get you to finish my accounts so I wouldn’t have to see you again after the wedding. Dom said I needed to go cold turkey. I couldn’t face meeting up again after you’d married Clare. It would have been too much.”
Joe pulled him close, and Seb slipped his arms around Joe’s neck. This right here was what he’d wanted, what he’d been waiting for, the feeling of Joe’s strong arms around him. He wanted to always be here. He had to admit he was shocked to hear all this but hoped they could make it work after Joe’d told Clare.
Seb reluctantly pulled back from his embrace but still held onto his hands, turning them over and holding them between his.
“When are you going to tell Clare, and why didn’t you tell her before she went away this weekend?” Seb needed to know why Joe was holding back with Clare.
