Page 55 of Dance With Me
Joe could feel his temper rising again, and he fought to maintain his cool. “The nights out, the weekends away, the constant messaging on your phone. What about the last night we went out? You were all over Neil. Don’t tell me there’s nothing going on between you.”
“How dare you accuse me of cheating? I would never do that, and I’m insulted to think that you thought I would. Neil has been having some problems with his wife. We were talking about it and just trying to take his mind off the whole thing. There’s nothing going on.”
“Didn’t look like just talking.” Joe knew it was petty, and he still had his doubts, but he wasn’t going to continue to voice them, so he shut up. Deep down, he knew that this wasn’t the real issue. That was down to him and his feelings towards her.
“It still doesn’t change things, Clare. I can’t marry you, I just can’t. I think it’s time we face that it’s over.”
“Please, Joe. Don’t do this. I love you.” Clare tried to hold on to his arm, but he shrugged out of her grasp. Her anger had morphed into desperation.
“It’s over, Clare. It’s time we faced the truth about us. It’s just not going to work.”
She sat down at the table with a sigh. “I can’t believe you’re doing this, Joe. Maybe we just need to take some time away from each other to think about it.”
“I won’t change my mind, Clare. It’s over.” He needed to stay strong. Heknewthis was the right thing.
“I think you’re making a mistake. I know we’ve had our differences lately, but calling off the wedding?” She stood up and looked at him, her tears having dried. “I’m going to go and stay with a friend tonight. We should talk again tomorrow. Maybe you’ll have come to your senses by then.”
Joe just nodded and they both went inside the house, Joe to the kitchen and Clare upstairs.
His heart was beating so fast he thought he was going to have a heart attack, but he stood in the kitchen and waited for her to come back down.
After about ten minutes, she appeared with her overnight bag, her eyes red-rimmed, her cheeks flushed. “I’ll be staying with Sam, just so you know. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Maybe we’ll have both calmed down by then and will be able to discuss this more rationally.”
“I’m sorry, Clare.” He didn’t know what else to say. He heard the front door close and went to sit on the sofa, relieved it was over for the moment.
He rubbed his hand over his face and finally breathed. That was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and he felt like a dick. It couldn’t have been avoided, though, and now it was finally over.
He needed to call his sister and Hazel. He supposed he should also call Seb to let him know and to cancel their lesson for tomorrow. They definitely wouldn’t need those again.
His stomach growled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten since lunch. He wasn’t hungry and couldn’t face much, but he made himself an omelette and sat down to eat. Alone.
He knew this loneliness was of his own making, and he was sad that he’d upset Clare. He truly did love her, but he didn’t think he could give her what she wanted or needed anymore. She deserved more from a relationship, someone who could love her unconditionally. Joe just knew that person was no longer him.
He went through his usual routine and cleaned the kitchen, then sat down to make his phone calls.
His first one was to his sister. He filled Jayne in on what had happened and how Clare had gone to stay with a friend. They both agreed it was for the best. She offered to come round or to send Aidan, but he declined. A phone call he could do, but he didn’t want to see anyone right now. His next call was to Hazel. She said she understood if he didn’t want to come into work tomorrow, but he said he’d rather keep himself busy and agreed to see her in the morning.
Finally, he made his call to Seb, who answered after the second ring.
“Hi, Joe.” At the sound of his voice, all seemed right in his world. His soft voice settled his racing heart and mind.
“Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve told Clare. It’s done.” He sighed and lay down on the sofa. He felt exhausted and wrung out. He would have loved to have seen him tonight.
“Wow. How did she take it? How do you feel?” Seb sounded genuinely concerned.
“She took it about as well as expected. She cried, she shouted, cried some more, threw a glass at me.” Joe sighed.
“Shit, Joe. Are you OK? Is she still with you?”
“I’m fine. She missed, thankfully. And no, she’s gone to stay with a friend tonight. She wants to talk again tomorrow, but there’s no point. I won’t change my mind, and I’ve told her that. I think she’s hoping I’ll give us another go, but that’s not going to happen. It just doesn’t feel right between us anymore. Anyway, I wanted to let you know and to tell you we won’t be coming by tomorrow evening.”
Joe paused for a moment, but Seb didn’t speak. “I missed you today,” Joe’s voice was soft. “I caught myself thinking about you, your smile, your eyes. How I wished we could have kissed, for real. I really want to do that, Seb. You’ve no idea how much.”
“I missed you too after spending so much time with you this weekend. I thought about you all day too. Whether or not you’d managed to tell Clare.” Seb sighed. “And I want to kiss you as well, so badly.” Seb laughed a little but Joe couldn’t help but think there was something wrong. He sounded off, not like his usual self.
“Did something happen, Seb? Is everything alright?”
“Yes. No. Sorry, that’s confusing. Something’s happened and I need to speak to you, preferably face-to-face if possible. Can I come and see you tomorrow? At the office or you could come to the studio. I just really need to see you.”
