Page 54 of Dance With Me
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Joe
Joe left work earlier than usual, anxious to be home and finally be able to have it out with Clare. He didn’t bother preparing a meal. It would probably go uneaten anyway. He sat in the kitchen, a stiff drink in his hand instead as he nervously waited for Clare to show.
Just after five, he heard her car pull up outside. The front door opened, and she made her way into the kitchen. She looked tired, but he knew it was now or never. He knocked his drink back, ready for another.
“You’re home early. Did you miss me this weekend?” she asked as she ran her hand down his arm.
He moved away from her, needing to put some distance between them. This was going to be harder than he’d thought.
“Let me get you a drink; we need to talk.” Joe poured two glasses of whiskey and passed one to Clare.
“Wow, that doesn’t sound good. What’s this about, Joe?” She took it from him and drank deeply.
“There’s no easy way to say this, Clare.” His heart was beating out of his chest. “Things haven’t been good between us for a while now. I’m sure you’ve noticed.”
Clare tried to interrupt him, but he needed to say this now. He couldn’t let this charade continue any longer. It was unfair to both of them.
“Let me finish. If I don’t carry on with this now…” He turned away from her, looking out into the garden, and remembered his time with Seb over the weekend.
“I think the engagement was a mistake. I was feeling the pressure from our families and you, thinking this was the next logical step, the right thing for us to do. I realise now that I was wrong.” He glanced over at Clare; she did not look happy.
“I want to call off the wedding.” He waited for the onslaught and wasn’t disappointed.
“What the fuck, Joe. It’s just over four weeks away! I went on my hen weekend. Jesus Christ, you certainly pick your moments.” She looked away from him. “You’d better fucking explain what’s going on.”
He wasn’t sure where to start. All the preparation he’d done today to get his thoughts straight had all flown out the window.
“Can we just sit? Talk this through like civilised people? Please, Clare.” He opened the doors and moved to sit outside; Clare followed but didn’t sit.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, Joe, but you’d better start talking now. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.” Clare began to cry, tears running down her face. “I knew we were having some issues, but I thought it was just nerves, wedding jitters.”
“I thought so, too, at first. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I just can’t go through with it. I thought I could, but the closer to the wedding we get, the more I realise that this isn’t what I want anymore. We’ve grown apart, Clare. You can’t say you haven’t noticed.”
He tried to hold on to Clare’s hand, but she pulled it away, wrapping her arms around herself instead.
Joe carried on. He couldn’t stop now or else he’d never finish what he needed to say.
“You can’t deny it, Clare. When you’re at home, I’m not, and when I’m here, you’re either working or out with your friends. How much time have we actually spent together over the past few months? Other than the dance lessons we’ve had, I think we can both agree that it hasn’t been a lot.” He paused and was surprised to see her nod.
“Even after the lessons, you’ve been going out with your friends, not coming home until late, and then sleeping in the guest room. This isn’t what people in love do, Clare.” He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated that it was all coming out wrong.
He looked at her and saw the pain in her eyes. He continued, though. It was important she knew how he was feeling.
“Things were going well until we got engaged. After that, it just felt off, like we just weren’t getting along. It became all about the wedding and not about us anymore. I started to feel there was something wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on why, and, if I’m honest, I still can’t. It just feels wrong deep down, right here.” He gestured to his heart. Clare continued to cry, bringing her hand to her mouth to muffle her sobs.
“We’ve been arguing more, and I wondered if itwasjust down to wedding nerves, but it’s not.” Joe stopped to look at her.
He reached for her again. “I love you, Clare, but I’m not in love with you anymore, and I need more than that. If I’m feeling like this, it wouldn’t be fair to you.” He spoke quietly now; he was tired with the emotion of it all.
“Fair? You think this is fucking fair, Joe? Calling it off a month before! What will people say when they find out?” Clare was shouting now, her anger replacing the tears. She picked up her glass and threw it at Joe, missing him by a mere inch. It shattered against the wall.
“What the fuck, Clare?” He looked at the wall and back at her. “I couldn’t care less what anyone has to say about it.” He shouted now. That glass had been too fucking close. “This is about you and me, not every other fucker we know.” He knew he should stay calm, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.
Joe breathed deeply, lowered his voice, and attempted to bring his anger under control. “I just can’t go through with it. I’m sorry that I haven’t been more honest with you, but I don’t think you’ve been totally honest with me either, have you?” He eyed her to see if there was any reaction.
She flinched but then glared at him. “How can you say that? What the hell are you accusing me of, Joe?” Her eyes flashed with anger.
