Page 68 of The Journal of a Thousand Years
He sighed. “I know I should encourage you to stay, but I know that real love makes you want to put their well-being above your own, even when they don’t agree that it’s for their own good.” His gaze slid to Daisy seated at the table. She suddenly looked away, pretending she hadn’t been watching us. “It bloody well hurts when you can’t be together,” he went on in a murmur, “but sometimes one of us has to be strong enough for both and make the difficult decisions. Gabe would do the same for you, Sylvia, if your positions were reversed.”
He seemed to be waiting for me to tell him that Daisy would end their relationship ifshewas the reason for an estrangement fromhisfamily. But I couldn’t give him that assurance. Alex’s family made that scenario an impossible one to fathom. There was no comparison, as there would never be a situation in which his parents would deny him the woman he loved because they didn’t like the way she looked or what level of society she came from.
I handed him the serving fork and joined the others at the dining table. I sat beside Professor Nash, knowing he would have something to say to me. I got in first, however.
“I wanted to say goodbye in person, but the timing… I had to hurry.”
He pushed his glasses up his nose, but they immediately slipped down again because he didn’t look up from his plate.
“I would have written as soon as possible and enclosed my library key.”
“The key is unimportant. I don’t want to lose you, Sylvia.”
“You don’t need my help, Professor. There isn’t a great deal of work to do at the library, but if you feel as though you need an assistant, there will be many who would enjoy the job. There’s a shortage of employment opportunities now that all the men have come home, and it truly is a wonderfully peaceful place.”
“That isn’t the point, Sylvia.” The genial, even-tempered professor had never sounded so angry. Although his anger was mild when compared to Willie’s ferocious temper, it startled me more.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, dropping my hands to my lap. I was no longer hungry.
The professor used a knife and fork to cut his buttered toast into small squares, but he didn’t eat any of them. He didn’t apologize for his outburst. I’d hurt his feelings deeply, and that hurt mine.
The only way to fix things between us was to admit the real reason I didn’t make the effort to go to the library after packing my belongings. “I couldn’t face you,” I said.
He hesitated. “What do you mean?”
“I couldn’t be in the library, surrounded by all those wonderful books with a close connection to Gabe’s family, and have to say goodbye to someone who’s been like a father to me these last few months. It was too hard, and I’m a coward.”
He set the knife and fork down and placed his hand over mine. “You’re not a coward, Sylvia. I think the word you’re looking for is afraid. You’re very brave, but you’re not fearless. Few people are. Not even Willie, for all her swagger. In fact, I’d say the only people who are not afraid are those without feelings for others, because to care for someone is to fear for them, and to love them, sometimes without having that love reciprocated. Love and fear are inextricably bound together, and we mere humans can’t accept one without the other.” He shook my hand to draw my attention. I sat so still that he must have wondered if he’d got through to me.
My throat was tight, making my voice reedy. “You know that I’m still planning to leave to protect Gabe, don’t you?”
He gave me a grim smile. “Before you came downstairs, they told me you were kidnapped to lure him. Your kidnappers haven’t been caught, which means he’s still in danger. But there is no guarantee running away will stop them altogether. The only thing it guarantees is the unhappiness of two people.”
“He’ll move on.”
“Will he? To the outside world, he might appear as though he has, but he won’t. Not truly. Not in here.” He tapped his chest. “One day, perhaps years later, after thinking he has locked all thoughts of you away in a corner of his heart, a crack will develop. The memories will be released, a mere trickle at first, then they’ll come flooding out.” He gave my hand a firm patand shifted closer to me in his urgency to get his point across. “You’re fortunate that you have not only found a grand love, but you have the opportunity to hold on to it. Take it, Sylvia. It’s not going away.”
He spoke from the heart, with an earnestness that I felt through our linked hands. I couldn’t dismiss such a passionate plea lightly, so I chose my next words with great care. “Gabe and I will both be deeply hurt, and perhaps that hurt will always be with us. But at least he’ll be safe.”
He sat back with a heavy sigh.
“Don’t tell him I still plan to go,” I said. “Or anyone else. Not yet.”
“You mean not until after you’ve left?”
“He’ll be all right. He’ll have his friends with him, and his parents will return from America soon. Hopefully they’ll help him find Thurlow and the Hobson women, and Stanley Greville, too.”
“Will you return once they’re arrested?”
I stared into my coffee cup. “There’ll always be people who want to study him and find a way to replicate his magic. And yes, I know there are others in his life that he cares about who could be used to lure him, but I will be seen as the easier target, the one he cares about most.” I shook my head emphatically. “I can’t be the weak link that makes him vulnerable. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him because of me.”
The professor picked up his fork and stabbed a square of toast. “I see you’ve made up your mind,” he said stiffly.
This was going to be harder than I expected.
“Prof, you strike me as a romantic.” Huon’s voice held a hint of humor, something we all badly needed at that moment. “We need your opinion.”
The professor blinked back at him through his spectacles. “A romantic? Oh no, no, no. I’ve not been… I don’t have…” He tugged on his cuff. “That is to say, women are a mystery to me.”
