Page 85 of Of Fate and Phantoms
"Nor am I," I said on a sigh. "In hindsight, perhaps I shouldn't have. For one thing, I'm worried I've landed her in further trouble with her husband, and for another, she didn't seem too happy when Gawler ran off."
"She wanted more," Alice told them. "She wanted to meet the others. Meeting him wasn't enough."
"You weren't to know that," Lincoln said. He gave me a small smile, and I smiled back. It seemed quite impossible, but we'd reached the end of the discussion unscathed with neither of us storming out or shouting. That conversation would have tested our relationship in the past.
I told Lincoln as much after the others retired for the night. "Once upon a time you would have been cross with me for going out without you," I said, coming to sit on the arm of his chair.
He rested his hand on my hip and looked up at me. "And you would have disagreed with me when I said you were unwise for taking Harriet, even though you knew I was right."
"I was never that stubborn."
He arched a brow.
"Fine, I was, but so were you." I stroked his loose hair and admired the way his eyelids drooped in pleasure. "We've come a long way," I added quietly.
He took my hand and pressed the wrist to his lips. My blood pulsed. "We've both matured," he murmured.
"Goodness, any more mature and you'll be an old man."
He tilted his head to look at me. He wasn't laughing. "Do you mind that I'm so much older than you?"
"Ten years is not that much, Lincoln. Look at Lord and Lady Gillingham. There must be twenty years between them, at least."
"That's not the same.They'renot the same as us."
"True." I cupped his face in my hands and stroked my thumbs over the rough stubble on his jawline. I locked my gaze onto his. "No, Lincoln, it doesn't concern me, and before you say that it might one day, let me assure you that it won't. It never will."
He went very still. "Does that mean…" He swallowed. "You've decided?"
I drew my hands away. He caught them, then had second thoughts and let go.
"Charlie?" he asked, huskily.
"I need a little more time." I'd been prepared to tell him yes, but thinking about Harriet locked away in her room at her husband's command had given me pause. Not even the servants would help her, since he was their lord and master and paid their wages.
I couldn't tell Lincoln any of that. He would only try to reassure me that he would never do such a thing. And I believed him. I truly did—now. But what if he changed again? What if he thought he was doing the right thing and keeping me safe? He might have acted calm and agreeable earlier when Seth and Gus had been cross, but I couldn't be sure if he believed his own words. It was entirely possible he was merely saying what he knew I wanted to hear. After our history together, Lincoln knew the thing I hated and feared the most, aside from losing my home, was losing my freedom.
"Anyway," I said. "It's nice like this, isn't it?" If he heard the longing in my voice, he didn't say.
He merely nodded. Then he leaned forward, circled his arms around my waist, and rested his cheek against my chest. I cradled his head and kissed it. We stayed like that until he pulled away with a sigh and announced he had to go out.
"To find King's house?" I asked.
He nodded. "You're not surprised?"
"I knew you'd go tonight since I mentioned Bloomsbury and how Gawler had reacted when I asked him if King could shift into other shapes."
"King's the man we need. I'm sure of it now, thanks to you."
"But you don't know precisely where he lives."
"Bloomsbury's not large and I have contacts there. If he's ever drunk at an inn, bought tobacco, or been to a whore, I'll find him."
"You're going to speak to a whore?"
"You have nothing to worry about." He kissed my cheek as he rose. "She's not a patch on you. You have all your teeth."
I caught his hand as he walked off. "Be careful, Lincoln."
