Page 69 of From the Ashes
"You'll need a new coat and gloves," he said.
"I have another."
"Even so."
We both sipped again.
"I expected the committee to come this afternoon," I said.
"As did I."
"Did you have a chance to look through the paperwork Mannering stole from Bell?"
He nodded. "It wasn't particularly helpful. There's nothing in it that we don't already know." He set his cup down and came to sit on the sofa beside me. "I want to talk to you. About us," he added, as if I were thinking of something else.
"I'd rather not." I went to stand, but he caught my hand. I snatched it away.
"I suspect you have some things you need to get off your chest."
"You wantmeto do the talking?"
"I want you to say everything you want to say to me now. Everything that's upsetting you. Don't hold back."
I straightened my spine and strode to the fireplace to gather my wits. "Very well, but be warned, you're not going to like it."
"I don't expect to."
I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. There was so much to say to him. The only problem was, where to begin?
Chapter 14
Itwistedmy fingers together behind my back and looked Lincoln in the eye. As always, it was an unnerving experience, and I wished I could look away again, but it was too late. I felt myself being sucked in by those pitch black orbs, unable to escape.
I cleared my throat. "The thing is, Lincoln, I think you know everything that I'm going to tell you already."
"I want to hear it from you."
"You are a glutton for punishment."
His gaze lowered, severing the connection and releasing me.
I gasped in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I could do this. I could tell him levelly what I thought without letting my emotions rule me. "You must know by now, from my reaction and that of the others, that what you did devastated me."
His only response was to look up again and swallow heavily. He didn't speak and it would seem he was prepared to sit quietly without interrupting.
"You broke my heart when you sent me away, and almost broke my spirit." My voice cracked, much to my horror. I'd wanted to present a strong front. I wanted to show him that he couldn't break me altogether. So far, I wasn't making a very good case.
He rose but I put my hand out to stop him coming closer. He sat again, and passed a hand over his chin and jaw.
"Tell me honestly, Lincoln. Why did you send me away? I know it wasn't just to keep me safe."
He cleared his throat. "That was one reason. But mostly it was because you distracted me from my work. When I'm distracted, I don't work efficiently, and if I'm not efficient, dangerous things happen. People die. Killers slip through cracks. I forget to do important things."
Well. There it was. Now I knew, although I'd suspected. It was a relief, in a way, to hear him say it. It explained why he still cared about my wellbeing, although it didn't make the pain hurt any less.
"I should have told you," he said heavily. "But I thought it best that you believed I'd had a change of heart. I truly wanted you to make a fresh start away from here, with other people. Normal people. I wanted you to forget me and you couldn't do that if you had hope that I…that I still cared."
I looked down at my slippered feet and twisted my fingers tightly behind me. My heart hammered against its cage, yet my mind felt clear. I looked up again and met his steady gaze. "You need to stop treating me like a child."
