Page 49 of Prince Charmless
Because of my home office, I never see the clients’ live reactions to my work.
Is it normal to feel this horny?
16
Taylor
Ever since Melina gave me her lingerie, I can’t help but imagine what’s underneath those pesky clothes. I wonder if I asked nicely, she’d make me an omelet wearing nothing but the gift she gave me and a microscopic apron. Friends do each other favors, right? I stab my fork on an empty plate. At some point in my fantasy, I must’ve eaten all the omelet. She’s beaten me at my own game.
“Taylor, holy shit, you’re never going to believe this.”
Melina’s accomplice storms into the kitchen. His presence doesn’t surprise me. Where else would he be if not in my kitchen?
“Oh, Melina’s still here,” Tom says. “I’ll leave you two alone.” He wiggles his eyebrows between us.
“What do you want, Tom?”
“Giana got arrested. Public intoxication. The mugshot is all over Twitter.”
“Giana,” I sound out slowly. That sounds like a name I’m supposed to know.
“Jesus Christ, Taylor, the girl you’re taking to the fundraiser. Have you not even talked to her yet?”
Oh yeah. “I thought if I called her too early, she would want to meet me beforehand.” I hate dates, and I’m not going ontwoof them.
“You were going to take someone you hadn’t met? The party is this weekend! What if she had plans!”
“I would tell her to cancel them.”
A tiny snicker is heard from the woman washing my dishes. Tom looks at me, then at Melina, then back at me. I know exactly what he’s thinking.
“No,” I respond before he asks.
“I just thought you’d want to take the girl who asked me to leave her underwear on your desk.”
Melina pivots to point at Tom with a soapy knife. “You looked in the package. I told you not to do that.”
It’s nice to know that at least one thing in her little plan failed. A box he was toldnotto open? He probably looked inside the second he received it. I could’ve told her that wouldn’t have worked.
“I had to!” my brother argues. “What if you were some secret crazy stalker and the package had rice or something in it!”
Melina squints.
“He means ricin,” I translate.
“Do I look like a terrorist?” she asks while waving a large knife in the air. “Opening up other people’s mail is a felony.”
Tom ignores her. “Taylor, I’m still going to Vegas, and this thing isn’t the setting for a blind date. You have a perfectly beautiful and distracting woman in your kitchen, you seem to not hate. This sounds like a no-brainer to me.”
“Uh, thank you, Thomas,” Melina mumbles.
She’s disgustingly cute.
“Problem solved then,” Tom declares with his arms wide. “God, it’s exhausting being the smart one in the family.”
“Problem not solved,” I say, almost laughing. “I don’t want Melina being the solution to your mess.”
“Um, excuse me,” she interrupts. “I don’t mean to intrude on the family conversation, but have you thought about asking for my input on this?”
