Page 68 of The Night Shift
Violet was impressed with how she’d managed to retain her composure during the conversation with Gus. Some of Barney’s comments prior to his arrival had actually helped in an odd sort of way. They’d made her angry at least. Angry that she’d been played, even if Gus hadn’t had the wherewithal to know he’d been the player. Having spoken to him she certainly didn’t think that he’d deliberately duped her. Gus hadn’t known Amelia would come back, in fact, it would have been a safe assumption to say that her return was highly unlikely from a statistical point of view. But hehadlied, and she had rules about liars.
The trouble was, despite being angry she was also desperately sad. And despite saying never trust a charmer, shehadtrusted him. Because he was a good man and because she wanted to believe him. In a way it made the betrayal even worse. He had not only lied to her but he’d lied to himself– which made the dishonesty sound all the more plausible.
By the time she arrived on the surgical ward she’d already been for a quick cry in the toilets and knew her face was still a mess. Marvin covered his surprise at her appearance like a consummate professional, but then presumably that came with the territory; performing as a drag queen required more façade than almost any other role Violet could think of.
‘Darling Violet!’ he said. ‘Just in time for dinner.’ He lifted the plastic lid from his tray with a flourish. ‘What delights await…? Aha, peas, mash and… what the fuck isthat?’ He grimaced, pointing to a greying lump of some unidentifiable protein covered with a thick gelatinous gravy.
Violet laughed in spite of herself. Marvin always knew when a bit of performance was required. She bet his maths students loved having such a theatrical teacher, although imagined he toned it down a bit in the classroom.
‘Are you not thinking that’s likely to aid your recovery?’ she asked.
‘Indeed. Luckily I am the very epitome of youthful vigour and resilience. This paltry offering of’—he poked the grey lump with his fork—'chicken? Shall not impede my return to full strength. Just a little sad that my penultimate meal in this delightful establishment is so lacklustre. My fond memories of the place may be adversely affected and the TripAdvisor rating has definitely gone done a star.’ He looked up from his plate with a smile. ‘Anyway, my gorgeous girl,’ he said. ‘How goes it out on the mean streets of Bristol?’
Violet looked down at her shoes as a tear rolled off her nose. ‘Pretty mean,’ she said, her voice wobbling slightly.
Marvin patted the bed next to his leg. ‘Sit down, lovely,’ he said. ‘You look a little forlorn. Would you like a cuddle?’
She nodded and sat as close to Marvin as she could without getting in the way of his supper or his broken ribs. He put an arm around her and then winced. ‘On second thoughts, I think you might have to cuddle me.’
They rearranged their limbs into a more sensible position but it was clear that this was not a particularly comforting arrangement for either of them. Violet pulled away. ‘I’ll just sit on the chair,’ she said. ‘But thanks for the offer.’
‘So, what ails thee?’ he said. ‘I can’t possibly eat my dinner, appetising as it is, with you looking so sad, so you’d better tell me, if only for my own health.’
Violet related the events of the preceding hour and Marvin listened in silence, nodding occasionally, a worldly-wise expression on his face.
‘So, she’s returned to the apartment,’ he said when Violet had finished. ‘For good? Is the engagement back on?’
She shrugged. ‘I wasn’t sure when I saw her. I had my suspicions, just from the way she was– proprietorial, you know.’ Marvin nodded. ‘But I mean she didn’t say categorically, “I am reunited with my estranged fiancée so why don’t you take your little pot plant and fuck off”, but then, she wouldn’t say that, would she?’
‘Probably not,’ conceded Marvin. ‘But have you spoken to Gus?’
‘To start off he sent me atext message,’ Violet spat out the words, ‘saying something had “come up”.’
Marvin grimaced. ‘Yes. Texting that sort of info is not a good look.’
‘But then he called a while ago, said he wanted to talk. In fact we’ve just finished, you know,talking.’
‘And?’
Violet screwed up her face, realising she was building up for another ugly cry. ‘And– and– I think they probablyaregetting back together,’ she said eventually. ‘I don’t know for certain; he didn’t seem to know for certain– and that was part of the problem. I don’t want to hang around while he decides. I mean, I told him off for acting as though he had no agency in the decisions being made by Amelia– it would be stupid of me not to follow my own advice on decisions being made by him. Oh, Marv! What am I going to do?’
He held her awkwardly as she spoke between sobs. ‘He said everyone deserved a second chance and that they had this shared history and he couldn’t just turn his back on her and… You know… He’s a good guy. Apart from being a liar.’
There was a pause before Marvin’s voice broke through her quietening sobs. ‘Is he a liar though?’ he said. ‘Did he actually lie? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d like to shake the man for his abject stupidity choosing anyone over you– but did he lie outright?’
‘As good as,’ said Violet. ‘I asked him directly whether he still had feelings for her a couple of nights ago. And he said no.’ She sighed. ‘If he’d just been honest with me– if he’d said, “I’m not over Amelia, it’s going to take me a while to get over her, and chances are, if she wanted me back I’d welcome her with open arms”, then I could have lived with that.’
Marv gave her a sceptical look.
‘I could, Marv! I can cope with knowing I’m second best. I would have just accepted that this was a temporary situation, like that time I was with Daniel and we knew he was going off to Australia and that was okay– I could have enjoyed being with him for a few months and kept my heart safe.’
‘Really? Are you sure you wouldn’t have just left him for dust?’
She looked thoughtful. ‘Well, yes,’ she conceded. ‘I might have. But then that would have been my choice, wouldn’t it? I’d have been making an informed decision, just like I always bang on about with my patients. It’s all about having the facts, basing your decision on probabilities and known information.’
‘But feelings aren’t really like that Violet,’ Marvin said gently.
Violet frowned. ‘He could have been clearer though,’ she said eventually. ‘I asked him a direct question. I didn’t expect cast-iron guarantees, I’m not stupid, but I gave him the opportunity to remove any ambiguity from the situation, to tell me straight. Jesus, it was only two nights ago. He knew how important honesty is to me. He should have told me the truth.’
