Page 54 of The Night Shift
‘And does that worry you?’ Violet asked. ‘When you can’t get hold of him.’
Gus shook his head. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Not anymore. I’ve spent a lot of my life worrying about him, worrying about my mum and my sister. That was one of the reasons I didn’t want to tell them about the break-up– they’ve always looked to me as the one whose life is sorted. I didn’t want to shatter their illusions. Hence not going home for Christmas, like you. I didn’t think I could maintain the pretence for a sustained period.’
She nodded as he continued.
‘But I’ve finally come around to the idea that they’re all grown-ups now. And like I say, telling them about Amelia was easier than I thought. Makes you realise that honesty is usually the best policy.’
She smiled and raised her eyebrows. ‘Indeed,’ she said, spearing a piece of potato with her fork. ‘Interesting, isn’t it, the different reactions we’ve each had to the example our parents provided.’
‘In what way?’
‘Like, my parents have a great relationship– blissfully happy in each other’s company since the day they met. And yet for some reason, their perfect marriage has always made me suspicious of romance. I felt I was never going to be able to reach that unattainable goal, I’m not like them, I’m not aslikeableas either of them, so there was little point in trying to find someone who would love me in the way they loved each other.’ Her tone was matter of fact. ‘Whereasyourexperience with your parents splitting up has actually made youmorekeen on the idea of marriage, so much so that you were prepared to get hitched before thirty, which is pretty unusual nowadays.’
‘It’s a bit more complicated than that.’ Gus chewed thoughtfully on a green bean.
‘Yes, of course. I’m oversimplifying. I told you before, I don’t do nuance.’ She gave him a curious look. ‘But I do wonder whether maybe you actively seek out security and stability, because of what happened with your parents? It would make sense.’
‘Alright, you,’ Gus said, cutting her short. ‘Enough psychoanalysis for one evening.’ He gestured to the casserole dish. ‘Do you want any more to eat?’
His tone was light, but Violet wondered whether she’d hit a nerve. She wasn’t usually aware or particularly interested in people’s motivations, subconscious or otherwise, and this realisation about Gus, and the way he operated, had come to her quite suddenly. Certainly, too fast for her to have kept her mouth shut or to have considered that there may be more delicate ways of telling someone they were emotionally insecure. She could have kicked herself. Gus was the master of tact and diplomacy. He’d never have blurted out something so personal. He was going to think she was a verbally incontinent idiot.
‘Uhm, yes, I would. Like some more, I mean.’ She sighed. ‘I’m sorry. What I said before. It came out badly.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘Honestly, I think you may have a point. I just feel like we should eat up and, you know,make the mostof the time we’ve got this evening.’
She laughed and raised her eyebrows. ‘You wanna make out?’ she said, adopting a terrible American accent.
He smiled. ‘Yeah. Sorry. Your bluntness is wearing off on me. I’m going to start just saying exactly what I think. And yes, I do want to finish the food and get on with—’ But he didn’t complete his sentence because Violet had leaned across the table to kiss him.
‘I quite like the new, blunt, Gus Jovic,’ she said, smiling against his mouth. ‘How about we finish supper a bit later?’
They both stood, still kissing each other over the table until Gus broke away, skirting around the chairs until he reached her side and their bodies met. She brought her palms either side of his face as they kissed deeply, the spice from the paprikash making her lips and tongue tingle. Her head began to swim with that familiar feeling and she felt her legs go weak as the heat coursed through her. Gus seemed to sense that she was about to buckle at the knees. He nudged her back towards the kitchen island as they kissed, scooped his hands under her bottom and lifted her onto the countertop, pulling away to look at her.
‘You know how when we were in bed yesterday?’ he said, his mouth curling into a hopeful smile.
‘First time or second time?’
‘Second time.’
‘Ye-es.’ Her voice was wary.
He kissed her again. ‘Don’t go all worried on me,’ he said. ‘It was just that, you didn’t let me do much. To you I mean.’
‘Well– I did let you put your penis into my vagina,’ she said. ‘And I don’t let just any old penis in there.’
He paused, closing his eyes for a moment. ‘I should hope not. God, I love your insistence on the correct anatomical nomenclature.’
‘And I might let you again if you ask nicely.’ She smiled sweetly as she wrapped her legs around him from her seated position, pulling his body closer.
‘But before that,’ he said, kissing her again, ‘how about you just let me play around for a bit? Purely for my own entertainment.’
She pulled her face back an inch and looked him in the eye seeing her own dilated pupils reflected in his. ‘And what does that mean exactly?’ she said with a little tremble of anticipation in her voice. ‘Are we back ontothatconversation?’
He smiled– a combination of reassurance and naughtiness. ‘How about wedon’thave a formal discussion about this, Violet? There’s no need to overthink it. We could just see what happens– I’m not planning on anything really outlandish.’
‘I– uhm– I’m not…’ The thought of simply letting him have his wicked way with her was both appealing and terrifying in equal measure.
‘We’ll take it slowly,’ he said, kissing the dip at the base of her neck. ‘You can ask me to stop whenever you want.’
