Page 17 of Terrez and Shalene
“How are you the one acting like this when it’s your fault we divorced?”
“My fault? Brevin, how many times do you want me to apologize? I don’t even knowwhyI’m apologizing. My mother is gone! How the hell did you expect me to take that?”
“I understood that! I stuck around for months and did everything I could to help you through it and it was all for nothing. Now, here we are divorced and you wanna go back to the old you. You walkin’ around here with your hair done and I know you been going to the gym. Where the hell was all this at when I needed it?”
“It all happened with time, Brevin. Had you not broken our family up, you’d be able to experience me coming out of depression. Instead, you found comfort in the next woman.”
Not giving him a chance to respond, I opened the front door and Terrez had just so happened to be walking up. Brevin looked at me with a scowl, but didn’t say another word before leaving.
“What the fuck is his problem?” Terrez asked as he stepped into my apartment.
“Apparently, I don’t deserve to be happy.”
“Why is that? He’s the one that divorced you.”
“He’s feeling some type of way because I moved out and I’m getting back to the old me. He brought up me going to the gym and getting my hair done. He’s mad I’m not out here still stuck in depression.”
“I swear, if you didn’t have a child by that nigga I would be questioning if his ass was a real man.”
“What you mean?”
“It means I would’ve assumed y’all were bumpin’ coochies or some shit. Ain’t no way a grown ass man is mad because his ex-wife is holding her own. Especially when you have his child. But off that shit, what you got goin’ on today?”
“I was about to get ready and hit the gym for a couple of hours. I’m surprised to be seeing you today. I thought you changed your mind or something.”
“Nah, baby. I been busy. I been checkin’ on you though.”
“Yeah, through text messages you were barely responding to. You were probably out with ol’ girl.”
“Bring yo’ ass here.”
Terrez’s command had my juices racing to the middle of my panties. His tone wasn’t threatening or filled with anger, but I knew he was serious. Like an obedient child, I walked to where he was seated on the couch. Once I was standing directly in front of him, he spread his legs, signaling for me to step between them. Wrapping his arms around my waist, Terrez buried his head in my abdomen before pulling away and speaking.
“I wanted to blow yo’ shit up while I was away from you. The only reason I didn’t was because I was trying not to do too much. You already on the fence about fuckin’ with a nigga. Not only that, but I know you got your own shit goin’ on with that lame ass nigga. I’m not trying to crowd you, but I want you to be sure about me. Hell, I need you to be sure about us.”
“If you were serious about leaving that life behind, I’ll give you a fair chance. I don’t know if it’s the smartest thing for me to jump into another relationship right now, but we can take things slow and see where it goes,” I stated honestly.
With Brevin being my only ex, I didn’t know how moving on was supposed to go. Just because Brevin was running around with another woman didn’t mean I wanted to be on that same type of time. I wouldn’t lie and say that didn’t make it easier for me to move on, but I wanted to move on the right way. I wanted to be healed and not take baggage from my failed marriage into a new relationship.
“I was serious, baby. One thing you gon’ learn about me is that I don’t talk just to hear myself speak. Anything I tell you is the truth. I got a few loose ends to wrap up, but after that I’m done. This street shit isn’t somethin’ you do for a lifetime. I made my money and earned my respect. I have nothing else to prove. And let that be the last time you say somethin’ about another woman. I keep tellin’ yo’ ass I only wanna fuck with you. If it were anything different, I’d be real about it.”
Terrez and I spoke for a little longer before it was decided that he’d be going to the gym with me. He said this didn’t count as our first date, but I was just happy to be spending time with him. For an hour and a half, the two of us worked out together. Honestly, this was the first workout I’d done that made me feel productive. Terrez didn’t make me feel awkward but pushed me to finish my reps and more. I left the gym feeling good, like I could conquer the world.
“When does the little one come back home?” Terrez asked as he pulled the salmon from the oven.
“Sunday. I know it’s only a few days but that feels like forever away.”
“I’m sure it does. Especially when you’re used to seeing your child every day. I feel like you should take the time to reset and relax. You’ve been on the go since the day you moved. Hell, maybe even before then. It’s good that you’re trying to get back to the old you, but don’t put too much on yourself at once. Take some time to kick your feet up and reflect. The gym isn’t going anywhere and neither is your job.”
During one of our many conversations, I shared with Terrez that I’d been working overtime to make sure my ends met. I was cool, but my anxiety had me on edge about all the money I had to come out of to make this move. Once I replaced it, I’d feel better and go back down to a forty-hour work week. Thankfully, Brevin hadn’t slacked up on his fatherly duties and was still payingAmayah’s daycare bill every week. Even with that being the case, I wanted to be secure enough to pay the bill myself if needed.
“I know. It’s crazy that I went from not getting out of bed for days at a time to barely seeing my bed until it was time to sleep for the night.”
“Is it too much for me to ask what happened to your mom? I’m not trying to be rude, just trying to understand the situation a little better,” Terrez quizzed.
“It’s cool. She had a heart attack. No preexisting health issues and she was very active. Not overweight and ate as clean as she could. Just goes to show that anything can happen to anyone,” I said as I thought about my mother.
“Damn. I’m sorry to hear that. Does it bother you to talk about her?”
