Page 5 of Terrez and Shalene
The memory of my late mother made my cry audible. I needed her to hold me and tell me everything would be okay. I needed her strength. Losing her made me realize that you never stopped being a parent. Being a mother was a job I’d be clocked into for as long as I was breathing. The thought of going to my childhood home crossed my mind, but I didn’t linger on it. Going to that house and not seeing my mother would only make things worse. Plus, my dad wasn’t a fan of what was happening between Brevin and me. He understood the marriage had run its course, but he somewhat knew Brevin was being an asshole and wasn’t having that.
When I made it to Pat’s house, I parked beside her truck and just sat for a minute. The rain was starting to let up and the sun was now playing peekaboo. When I reached for my door handle, I looked up and saw Pat walking toward me.
“Everything okay, boo? Why are you crying?” she asked angrily.
“I’m just tired, Pat. I-I just can’t anymore,” I admitted through sniffles.
“Go inside, Shalene. I’ll get Amayah. My mom is here and she cooked. I’ll have her make you a plate.”
Nodding, I left her to grab Amayah and headed in the house. I was so tired of feeling defeated that it wasn’t even funny anymore. Having the victim mentality wasn’t me, but I felt like life wouldn’t give me a break. Everything in my life seemed to be happening one after another and I felt like I was drowning. My main source of strength was coming from having a child depending on me. Allowing myself to wallow in self-pity was easier when I was married. Now that I was a single parent, that wouldn’t work. I was left with no choice but to push through.
As soon as Miss Lena laid eyes on me, she stood from the couch and brought me into a hug that I desperately needed. She hadn’t said a word, but she was giving me everything I needed by simply being here. Our embrace lasted until I heard the front door close and Pat walked in. Amayah wasn’t asleep, but her head laid on Pat’s chest.
“Have the two of you eaten dinner yet? I just made baked chicken and mashed potatoes,” Miss Lena said as she walked toward the kitchen.
“No we haven’t eaten yet, but I can make our plates.”
“Girl, sit down and collect yourself. I can make the plates.”
Like Amayah did whenever we were around Miss Lena, she reached out to go with her. Once they were out of earshot, Pattook a seat next to me and waited a few seconds before she started with her questions.
“What the fuck did he do? Did his punk ass put his hands on you?”
“No. He was just disrespectful and I couldn’t take it anymore. He came in the house, scared my baby with all the noise he was making, and I just went off. Words were exchanged and now I’m here,” I explained, giving her theCliffsNotesversion.
“I can’t stand that nigga. You had less than twenty-four hours to be there. Fuck him though. I’m just glad you have your own place now. I’ve been scared for your safety lately, but I’m glad you’re gone. Do you need me to go over there with you tomorrow to help the movers?”
“No, I’m good. My dad will be there, so everything should go smoothly. I don’t have much, so they should be able to get all of my things in one trip.”
“Good. Amayah can stay here though. I’m off tomorrow, so I can keep her until you get everything settled.”
This was why I needed Pat. She was so selfless and moved as if Amayah and I were a part of her. I’d come across a few women I thought were my friends, but Pat always showed up without me having to ask. When Miss Lena and Amayah came from the kitchen, Pat changed the subject. As far as I was concerned, we could be done discussing him for good. By the time I finished eating, Miss Lena was preparing to head to bed. She insisted on taking Amayah, who followed her after giving me a kiss goodnight.
“I need a damn drink. This week at work has been long and life is giving me a run for my money,” I said aloud.
“You wanna go to the bar? We can go right down the street to the corner bar and have a couple of drinks,” Pat suggested.
“Pat, I’m in no shape to be going out tonight. I don’t even have anything to wear.”
“That’s a lie. Remember a few months back you came over here and had to change because you wasted wine on yourself? Welp, that outfit is still in my laundry room. Your hair is already done and you can wear the sandals you have on now.”
A small smile broke through and I couldn’t help but laugh. My mood was starting to lighten and I was happy I decided to come here instead of going to my empty apartment. I had no intention of going out to have drinks, but I was tired of sitting around being depressed. Brevin had shown me multiple times that he’d moved on and no longer valued me as a woman. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to jump into a relationship anytime soon, but it was time to start living. Standing from the couch, I headed toward Pat’s laundry room. Whenever I happened to wash anything over here, she’d fold it and place it on the rack that rested above the dryer.
“Shit. Let me go jump in the shower and get ready before you change your damn mind.”
“You think Miss Lena will mind keeping Amayah?”
“Girl. I just peeked in the room. Both of them are already asleep,” Pat informed me.
“You sure? I don’t wanna just leave her here without asking.”
It was true. I appreciated Miss Lena too much to take advantage of her. It didn’t matter how long I’d known her; I’d never take her kindness for granted.
“Shalene, if you go in there and wake that lady from her sleep to ask her that, I’m gon’ laugh when she tells you off. Now, get ready so we can go. It’s almost ten-thirty and this is when the crowd really starts coming in.”
Doing as she asked, I went into her guest bathroom and got myself together. Since I’d already showered, I was dressed and ready a few minutes before Pat. When I stood back to look in the mirror, I told myself that once I was settled into my new place, I’d be prioritizing my health. I knew I was beautiful, but I wasn’tcomfortable in my own skin. My face was naturally round, so this added weight only made my cheeks look even bigger. If I stuck to a routine for a few months, I was sure I’d be back to myself by next summer. I was only thirty-one and owed it to my daughter to be the healthiest version of myself.
Less than ten minutes later, Pat and I were leaving the house and settling into her car. Once we were in, she pulled a small joint from her purse and lit it. Back in our college days, the two of us would smoke more than chimneys. I slowed down when Brevin and I got together since he didn’t care for it.
