Page 75 of The Healing Dragon
Realistically, I can approach her any other day, but I will be gone in two days and the idea I will carry this with me for much longer is excruciating.
“Janelle.” I reach for her hand and she lets me.
Her hand is warm in mine. I don’t remember the last time I did this, but I remember how much I miss it.
“This is not how things were supposed to be between us.” I shake my head.
We have never called what we have anything other than friendship. As much as we both knew, it was so much more. We never said it. We never admitted to it out loud. Doing so now feels so fragile and raw. There’s so much I’m not ready to say, but I think I have put it away for far too long.
“The night of the attack changed it and there is no going back,” she says and her eyes don’t meet mine.
There is a truth there. The remainder of what is here cannot fit in the mold we used to have. We would have outgrown it, anyway. At one point or another this feels unavoidable.
“Perhaps not back, but forward. A new version of what we were once supposed to be.” My eyes plead, but her gaze is firmly downward.
“What do you want from me?” She fidgets with her hands.
“Everything.”
The palms of her hands bear the marks of her time in the nursery, but they’ve become significantly more capable than they were a year ago.
“I have nothing to offer. Even then, in all my riches and glory behind a golden cage, I could’ve offered you nothing, nothing but a death sentence at the very least.”
I take mock offense. “You wound me for thinking me so vulnerable to your father.” I sober my expression. “I would’ve saved you.”
If only I knew the extent.
“I’m not the damsel in distress guys like you come to save.” A tear trails down her cheek, and I catch it with my thumb. “Ididn’t love myself enough to stand up for me, Jesse. How could I have ever been able to love you right?”
The one tear turns into many. They trail a path down her face. I know objectively Janelle is an ugly crier, but I find her the most beautiful when she’s open and vulnerable like this.
“Is that your only objection?” I ask, my heart leaping.
“I don’t get a happy ending. Don’t you get that?” She hiccups.
“Who says that?” I search her face and this time her eyes meet mine.
She shrugs. Her expression is defeated, and I see the fight leaving her.
“Janelle,” I whisper, taking a step into her space.
“Yes,” she says, out of breath.
“Shut up.”
I seal my lips to hers and let the worries of the world fade away. This is the closest I’ve been to heaven. Who would’ve imagined I would find it strictly in the proximity of the fire spitting angel in my arms?
I pull away long enough for us to catch our breaths.
“I have always loved you, Janelle. I have loved you longer than I have done anything else in my life. My choice has always been and will always be you.”
There is no other way for me to live. Brandon was right. There are many other choices that would be easier, but they wouldn’t be her, and therefore wouldn’t be for me.
The gleam in her eyes is full of something I missed seeing. I’ve taken it for granted for years. I never noticed it until the day it was gone.
“We will talk tomorrow.” I kiss her forehead and force myself to walk out of that room.
Leaving her with her thoughts is the first step. Janelle has always been one to do better in her own thoughts.
