Page 49 of The Healing Dragon
The thought of going there alone and crossing paths with people who wish me gone isn’t something I wish to do twice in one day. I’m not afraid of the stares, but I’m not mentally ready to face them. Isabel has lunch with Brandon in his suite and joining her was out of the question. It’s not like I was offered an invitation.
“You could use some food.”
I shoot him an unamused look.
“Sorry, well, while we are stuck here, we might as well talk.” He shrugs.
I grunt.
“How was the trip back?” he asks.
“Are you seriously making small talk?” I give him a side eye.
He scratches his head and shoots his friend a look to help him, but the soldier remains out of it. “Yeah, you’re right. Thank you for bringing Matias home. Some might not be happy that you chose him over the Red Book, but some of us wouldn’t have done it any differently.”
Does Matias know how much these people want him to be a part of them?
“I’m sure that is not the real reason everyone here hates me.” Choosing Matias is the only right thing I’ve done in a while.
“Not all of us hate you, Janelle.”
I meet his eyes. “It doesn't make a difference. I am here now and I have work to do.”
“I can acknowledge the role you played was forced on you.” He clears his throat completely ignoring my attempts to end the conversation.
I think back on every time I tried to speak up to my father. How I lower my head and move out of his sight. I could’ve done so much more if I had tried harder. If I wasn’t such a coward. Shame washes over me.
Coward.
I sigh, already growing tired of this conversation. “I am living with the consequences of my actions, Roman. That includes all the rightful hate directed my way.”
There is much more I wish I could say but the words get stuck in my throat.
Roman’s eyes look at me as if he finally sees something he was looking for. His eyes don’t see me, but through me. The slow smile on his lips hints at getting something I don’t, a secret of some sort.
“Well, that explains why my brother is so in love with you. You two are just as critical of yourselves.”
At the mention of Jesse, I straighten. Roman crosses his arms and looks at me expectantly.
“Is he still on that?” I try to sound casual. “He needs to get over that silly crush.”
Roman laughs lightly. “I almost believed you.” I give him my back to pick up another plant to repot. “If it wasn’t because I’ve been watching you like a hawk. I would’ve missed the longing looks you give him when you think no one is watching.”
“That is all very creepy. If you are crushing on me too, I will have to break your heart.”
He pretends I didn’t speak. “That was just recently. Iwatched it before too. Every time you had the opportunity, the two of you would share giggles and small remarks. I never bought the best friend title.” Roman’s grin drops. “That was a placeholder for you two to grow up first. Then your father became a very obvious road block.”
“I need to get back to work,” I say.
“You two are adults and your father isn’t around to tell you what to do.” His words land in the space between us like heavy stones.
He clears his throat as Isabel returns with a small basket of herbs. He kisses her cheek, then shares goodbyes before departing with his friend.
I continue to work in silence. My mind can’t help but think about the memories of a past full of hope for a future. As I sit here in the future I once imagined, there is no trace of hope left within me.
I close my eyes and remember the smiles. The stolen moments. The childlike crush I had on Jesse and how that grew as we did. Stolen smiles became stolen kisses. He was my first everything, including my first secret. The first time I dared disobey my father’s orders. Then from there on, only more and more questions rose out of me. Even when I was told to stay away from Jesse, like magnets, we always gravitated toward each other.
I appreciate the silent nature of Isabel today more than ever. I never got to interact with her before, but, as a fly on the wall, she was always around in one capacity or another. Her younger sister is someone else I always watched around the Oscuro boys. When Isabel became Brandon’s assistant, I wasn’t surprised. She knows far more than she says and there is something amazing about that.
