Page 78 of The Breaking Pointe
The chances of Trey and Lauren being here is just another example of me magically being the lucky one. Though our city is huge, it’s still small enough for them to find me in a time of need. That’s what makes me believe that everything happens for a reason. I may not have been able to have such a breakdown in the comfort of my home, but at least I have the comfort of two people I know.
Especially Lauren.Not that I don’t think she’s nice, but she isn’t particularly the sweetest person off the bat, either. She’s permanently in serious mode or something. Which I guess I should be grateful for.
I wonder if it’s selfish to say that I would’ve been fine with not being as lucky today.
Lauren’s grand solution is to take me right back to Noelle’s studio.Apparently,shewasonlyintheareabecauseshe
was waiting for her to finish paperwork.The coincidence is completely in my favor.Every other time that I’ve been in this predicament, it’s been in the worst places possible. It’s happened in grocery stores, on vacations, and even in malls, just to name a few settings. It’s just that every time it happens, I seem to forget all the details almost immediately, and it feels more and more intense.As if no amount of medication I take is handling the problems at hand.
I know the real reason, but I’m aching just thinking about it. I can’t rid myself of the sheer panic, though, when I feel like I’m under pressure.It’s more than pressure.It’s like two walls smashing my body in on both sides.
That’s what it feels like when I think of Paul Kennedy. My father. I’m closer to being him than I am anybody else, and nobody has to live with that thought but me. Unless I can let go of the giant weight that’s holding me back from telling people how I truly feel. If I can’t do that, I’m going to turn myself inside out trying to explain anything to Noelle.
I’m seemingly a lot more tired by this time than any other that I can remember. If someone had told me I ran a marathon, I would fully believe them. No questions asked.
“Here, you need this.” Trey tosses a bottle of water at my side as I sit against a mirrored wall, staring blankly at the floor.
I have barely regained any sort of strength, so everything is trembling.Down to the edges of my fingertips.Picking up the bottle, I grip the cap, twisting it open. My breathing has returned to normal, and I can feel the heat of blood flow returning to my face.
Seeing that the panic attack has passed, Trey kneels before me. “I gotta go. I’m supposed to be meeting someone. You
guysgood?”HelooksatLauren.
She drops down in the space next to me. “We’ll be fine. I got it.”
“You’re amazing.”He looks at me now.“I’ll call you, dude. You better pick up. Don’t make me worry!” he says before hurrying out the front door.
Now leaving the studio quiet, Noelle storms in the room with wet towels, dropping beside me to wrap them around the back of my neck to try and cool me off.
Closing my eyes, I lay my head back, sighing.“Lauren, you didn’t have to help. Thank you. I’m sorry, I—” Noelle cuts me off.
“Why didn’t you just come inside? I could’ve helped a lot sooner,” Noelle says, holding my arm with both her hands. Her tone of voice holds worry.
“I wasn’t thinking at all.Before I knew it, Trey and Lauren were there, and I was on the ground.” I look at her.
“Yeah. I know. And Noelle would’ve killed me if I didn’t try to help.Plus, I couldn’t just walk by,” Lauren responds, softly smiling.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Noelle says, pressing her lips against my cheek as she grabs my jaw.
She looks at me, and we both stare for a moment. Her lips purse.
“Yes?”I raise my brows.
“I don’t want you to be alone tonight.What if I…come over?” she asks.
“I think it’s fine now, Elle. Just a state-of-the-art panic attack.”I sigh, looking down again.“Besides, I have to jump into this research for my mother. Hospice shit. Nothing you want to be around, trust me.”
“That was not just a panic attack.You lost all color— are you always this dismissive?” She grabs my chin again, making me look at the devoted seriousness in her face. She was telling me, not asking me.
I’m not always this dismissive, but I don’t want to think about how everything in my life is going to shit, tanking my mental health as a result. I don’t want her watching me lose my mind, and I don’t want to suffocate her in my depressing life activities. It seems a bit too late for that, though.
I take another deep inhale and lay my head back again. “Not dismissive. Just terribly burned out.”
“So, let me help you.I care,” she says, then subtly looks at Lauren.“Go without me?I wanna make sure he gets home.”
“Areyousure?”Laurenasks.
“Positive. I’ll just text you.” She nods, scooting closer to me as I feel Lauren’s presence leave my other side and exit the studio.
