Page 74 of The Breaking Pointe
I start to say something, but I hold it in, watching his mom set down a beautifully golden apple pie in front of me.
“He feels a lot, all at once. I wouldn’t worry. I just often wonder if his mind is starting to get to him,” Janice says, sitting beside me where he once sat.
I turn to face her.
“Steven seems to take after him in that way, where they have a lot to say, but have no idea where to start,” she adds, delving a knife into the pie.
“It sounds like a heavy burden.Were they always like that?”
“Colton has always been secretive about his feelings.He’s good at hiding, but Steven?Well, it’s a new feature for him,” she says, plating the pie.
“Do you know why?” I ask, curious if I can get any kind of explanation.
“In Colton’s defense, he used to be a very vocal child. Until things happened with his father.After that, he mastered shutting people out, so I put him through therapy. He still sees her to this day, so I tell myself it was the right thing to do,” she says, evidently trying to convince herself.
“Did it work?” I ask, quieter. “Has he opened up?” “Sometimes he’ll start.Except it always ends in the same
way.Once he starts to get to the root of it all, he chokes up and claims that he’s oversharing.” She shakes her head, sliding a plate of pie to me. “Between you and me, I blame his ex-girlfriend. She practically retrained him into thinking that being himself was a sin, all on its own. The man scurries at commitment, and I know it’s because he fears being turned away,” she says, sounding pissed at the very thought of this woman.
Sounds a lot like Daniel and his judgmental personality.Maybe they should get together.
“I think I know that feeling all too well, Mrs. Kennedy,” I admit.
“Janice.Just call me Janice.”She smiles.
“Well, Janice, I think I know where Colton gets his hospi- tality from.” I give a small smile, appreciating her.
She hums sweetly, smiling back at me as she scoots closer. “Noelle, I don’t know what he’s told you—and I don’t know how close the both of you are, but I know for a fact that I’m sick to the bone.I won’t recover from this, and maybe this is personal, but I pray that both of my boys find a sense of relief before it’s too late for them to enjoy this life. I don’t think I’ve seen Colton enjoy anything in this life, genuinely.I don’t want him to feel empty forever,” she confesses to me, somehow giving me butterflies in the process.
“Don’t worry.I’ll make sure he won’t be alone,” I say, giving her the best answer that I can.
If I wasn’t solidified in his good intention before, I am now. He’s just as tortured as I am, and that must be why I feel like he gets me.Even if he doesn’t say it.Everyone deserves a sense of relief in this life, especially when they feel there’s no hope.
I can’t begin to imagine a life without my parents, let alone be forced to find peace within that idea.If he needs someone, I can be that someone.We don’t have to be alone in our struggles forever. Maybe his ex ruined his self-esteem, but she hasn’t ruined my opportunity to reignite it, to help him find his way back to sanity.
Hewillfindhisway,especiallyifit’suptome.
18
maybe you’re right
COLTON
I dust my leg off with one hand as my knee keeps a steady, rhythmic bounce.After all these years of therapy in this office with Dr. Lydia, I’m still uncomfortable, I still hate the silence, and I still pray for it to end.
“Do you think you’re rejecting your feelings because you’re afraid of vulnerability with another woman?”
“What do you mean? I’m not rejecting, I’m making sure I protect myself. I still think she’s a sweet girl. I wanna be around her, obviously.”I use a few fingers to scratch my beard. “That’s why I can’t stop seeing her, you know…the other day, for example?” I continue. “We went antiquing.” I huff out a brief chuckle. “I can’t believe I allowed Hannah to convince me that it was a bad thing…” I shrug, confused with the thought of my past words that were used against me.
EverythingIlovedsheusedagainstme,nowthatIthink
about it.
“If you like her, then what’s scaring you, Colton?”she asks, tilting her head a tad.
“Well…everything.It’s all scary.The what ifs—I don’t like those.” I shake my head, now clasping my hands together, rubbing them. “I can accept defeat when it’s due, Dr. Lydia, but being totally rejected as a person and being used for your abilities is just bewildering to the soul.To my soul.I let another woman catch me slipping and I’m cooked—I’m telling you.”
She softly smiles, then adds a few notes to her small notebook. “I understand your fears. I just think it sounds like this woman has good intentions.I also think you’re doing a fine job at allowing her into your space. Taking her to your mother’s was a great idea.”
