Page 171 of The Breaking Pointe
“Whataboutyou?”Icuriouslyponder.
“A cream dress. Like Audrey Hepburn inFunny Face. Just a little bit longer so I can feel like Cinderella.”She sighs, slightly smiling, her eyes still closed.
Trailing my fingers down her back and in mini circles, I imagine her explanation, waiting for more of her ideas.I want nothing more than to see her in a cream wedding dress. Any wedding dress, as long as it’s for me.
“What else?”I ask.
“Baby’s breath. I love that flower. I want it in my bouquet,” she adds.
I kiss her arm once more, then rest my chin on the edge of the tub.
“Thatsoundsbeautiful,sweetness.”
“You know,” she says, batting her eyes open, “you could be like Marlon Brando?He’s tall, dark, and handsome, too. Put a suit on, and you’re his twin.”
Chuckling under my breath, I raise my head. “You think?” “Yeah.Iknowit.Itwouldbeadream.”Shesighswith
relief,noddingandsmilingfully.
“Hm.Well, I think so, too,” I say, kissing her head as I get her soap together.
43
begin again
NOELLE
This part of my life is what I want to assume is freedom.I don’t feel this extreme cloud over my head, and the dark shadow that was following me around finally decided to leave me alone. Instead of the dark shadow and the heavy cloud, I have this longing thought instead. The thought that I can’t let go of having the studio. I miss it. I miss the girls, I miss putting together routines, I miss snack times, I miss recitals. I miss every single part.
I wonder what the girls are doing.Did they find a new studio or sense of fulfillment elsewhere? Without me?
Colton doesn’t know it, but all the times that I’m quiet, I’m secretly thinking about it. I’ve been feeling better for a few days, but I pretended not to, just to sulk a little bit longer. I can’t pretend forever, but how is he supposed to fix that? It’s just something I have to get over.
Idon’tknowhowI’lldothat,butIneedto.Goingback
to big production dancing is something to get started, buta piece of me is gone, and even though I’m having trouble, I’m slowly beginning to accept that.
I shouldn’t have to limit myself.If I leave the academy, I’ll feel guilty, and I’ve already left the coffee shop.I only have the academy. It would be stupid to not take advantage of it and use what I have. I don’t make much, but it means I can lean into the idea of possibly making something of myself.I could audition for a larger production, or even a movie.I don’t doubt one bit that I could do anything big. The problem is at the back of my head, I know I only want one thing.
I couldn’t even focus at rehearsal today. I’ve never been so frustrated with myself in my life. Now I’m coming home and the frustration and anger is following me.
Dropping my things on the floor by the dining room table, I walk to the sink and grab a cup from the dish rack, then turn on the faucet to fill it up. When it gets to a reasonable amount, I turn off the water and take a healthy sip, drinking until it’s empty before letting out a long sigh.
Bonnie follows the sound of my voice, click clacking her way into the kitchen to sit behind me.
“Hi,baby,”Isaysomberly,lookingdownather.
She has no worries in this world.No thoughts or cares. Just happy. Just doggy. To be her right now would be kind of nice.
The front door swings open, turning both of our heads to look down out of the kitchen, to the living room. Colton comes in with his usual, calm and collected mannerisms, hanging his keys on the wall hook.
“Hey,sweetheart?Didyoubeatmehere?”heasksout
loud, pulling his hoodie over his head and stretching his body the minute it comes off.
“I’m in the kitchen,” I respond, setting the glass down and turning around to lean against the counter, watching Bonnie run to greet him.
His clothes are dusty and a mess, like they have been a lot lately.I wasn’t questioning it before, but as the days have gone on, I can’t imagine what art work he’s been doing not in his own studio.It’s becoming ridiculous that he’s even finding time to do whatever it is and still get in his training, on top of waking up at five in the morning, every day, without fail. He pets Bonnie, laughing and doing a gentle voice with her as he cups her face and kisses her head on his trail toward to me.
