Page 156 of The Breaking Pointe
Hecloseshispartlyopenedmouth,pressinghislips together as he contemplates.
“Do you trust me?”He retracts his confidence as hespeaks.
Just.Be.Honest.Hewon’thurtyouforbeinghonest.
“I do.Then, a lot of times, my mind tells me not to.It tells me that you’re playing tricks on me, and that none of this means anything.It’s harder than I thought to fight the ideas I have of being in love, and being loved.” I twist my body as much as I can to get a better view of him, continuing, “By you, specifically, because you’re a kind, gentle person.I know that, yet every day I wait for you to turn into a monster…” I breathe, “but then you remind me that you aren’t a monster at all.”
He lingers in his mute state. His unmoving expression is both scary and unpredictable—the way his eyes never look away from mine.
“Words don’t do the same justice as actions do. I can see how showing you who I am would be more effective than me only saying it…” he begins, reaching for his hand towel and bringingitovermyhands,rubbingtheclayoffashelooks
at me again. “So, I’m just going to keep showing you. Until you’re sure that I’m not here to harm you in any way.”
Watching his hands give each of my fingers a massage, I think of a challenge. I real one—a test.
“Go with me. My first meeting is on Monday. First of the year, too,” I casually inform him.
His hands slow down and come to a stop.
“Noelle, I want to, but I can’t bail out of my training,” he nearly whispers.
The regret is there, and so is the sheer aura of culpability. But they don’t need to be, because nothing is his fault. Rather, my hopes are always too high, and assuming he’d be available for me with his new team around was ridiculous to begin with.He’s about to be a star.A commercial success, and I’m about to be watching through a window, with nothing to show for myself but good attendance at a domestic violence support group, where I’m too shy to speak, and a failed dance company that I’ll drag behind me until I accept that I’ll never find a place for it to thrive.
I can’t help but feel puny. I pull my hands away from his, becoming numb again. I want to melt into the floor like the aged paint stains that had become one with it already.I raise from his lap, searching for a way to stop myself from being more of a handful.
He hurries to clean his hands off, and uses only a few of his fingers to stop me by taking my hand.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he says, spinning around in his seat, almost leaning out of it.
“It’s okay, it was a dumb question, Cole,” I say, trying to mediate the conversation.
“It’s not okay.You’re upset, and that leaves the possibility
that you’re gonna leave the house upset with me, and I don’t like that,” he says, slowly pulling me between his legs.
All I can do is look at his face.His hair, his eyes, his mustache, his beard.There’s not one word that I can say when I know that none of it will change the outcome.
“I don’t want you worrying, or doubting my love for you.I won’t allow it.We’re gonna have a beautiful night, alright? I’m gonna make it special.It’s gonna be worth your while.If there’s a way to make anything easier for you, you’re gonna tell me, right? I promise I’ll listen, if you do,” he explains, now holding onto both of my hands and squeezing them with a soft rub from both of his thumbs.
Giving him a clueless gaze, I wait for the punchline, licking my lips to activate words.
I still can’t think of anything to say. Now, all I’m thinking is that I’m in a strange time warp, and none of this is really happening.
“Doyou…stillwannacelebratetogether?”heasks.
I muster up a different topic, disregarding everything as my brain now overloads with questions.
“DidyouandHannahargue?Ever?”Iappeal.
His head bobs back a bit, and his brows become scrunched, but he still answers.“Yeah.We argued a lot.Why do you ask?”
“Didyougetmadather?Yell?”Iprymore.
Shaking his head, his brows hold tight in their shape. “Sure, but I maybe only yelled twice in our relationship.I like to talk things over—what is this about, Noelle?”
“I just need to know, okay?”I demand, impetuously.
He shuts up, biting at his bottom lip and chewing at the skin before tossing his arms around my waist and hugging
