Page 80 of The Breaking Pointe
“And so am I, Cole,” he says, pausing as he thinks of his words.
“What…” I ask, seeing him ponder a thought in real time. “Listen,Idon’twanttogototheseextremesasquickly, but if your mom does…you know—then Steven will only have you as his guardian, and basically his father figure. Which he may already view you as, so yeah—a bit of gentle parenting mightnothurt.Yougottarememberthathe’sakid,Cole,”
he says, smoothing his words over as sincerely as he can.
His points are valid, his tone is berating, yet he deliversitwithnothingbutlove,whichI’mthoroughlyawareof. It just doesn’t erase the hatred I have for having deep conversations about my problems.Though I need fixing like a shattered, porcelain doll.
“The issue is that I don’t know how to do that.He doesn’t respond positively to anything, Trey. I like things straightforward, and not convoluted,” I say, pulling my gloves out of my bag.
“Takemyadviceandaskyourgirl.Sheworkswithkids,
doesn’tshe?”heremindsmewithhisquestion.
“Yeah, nearly babies, Trey. Little girls.” I chuckle. “Which Steven is the complete opposite of.”
“Whatever—they’re still kids, and she’s a woman. There’s gotta be some sort of help there, and if I were you, I’d be asking for it.” He shakes his head with mild laughter as he enters his office, leaving me at the punching bag.
I sit down on the bench and reach for the papers that Trey gave me a bit ago. Looking closer at the fine print and fancy font, my delusions that Trey was just fucking with me about putting me on a serious contract are no longer filling my brain. The print is unequivocal and deliberate, stating that I can have an entire pro season with my name on it.
An entire pro season.
What I’m doing now is only different because I’m picking up random fights for a large amount of money, and some- times they get broadcasted on TV, but I make no big deal of it. It stopped being entertaining when I realized how much people use me as a gambling device and have no real interest inmyskills.Thepeoplewhocomeinpersonaren’tany better,butitdoesn’tovershadowthefacesofrealfans.If I signed this contract, I’d be signing over my time to a lot more fame, and a lot more fortune than I think I could handle, possibly.
If I widen my perspective, I don’t mind the thought of having people know who I am for a fathomable, good reason. What I do mind is people getting in my face with cameras, stalkers, and crazed fans with parasocial relationships. I just want to box, and when people talk about me, I want them to say I’m decent. Nothing can be grander than appreciation.
I don’t want to think about it,but if I procrastinate any
longer, I could jeopardize the entire opportunity.
The jingling of Trey’s keys echo through the room as he comes back out of his office.
“Keys are on the table here.I gotta bounce, but lock up when you’re done,” he says, loud enough for his voice to reach my ears.
“Wait, before you go,” I say, standing up and jogging over to him, taking the pen from his hand. “Here,” I say, placing the papers on the table, signing all the pieces I could find with the dotted line for my name.
“Take this with you,” I add, holding them up.
He carefully takes them away with a smile, smacking my shoulder firmly.
“Right on, Cole. My man.” He nods before continuing his exit.
20
feeling green
NOELLE
I lovedaydreaming, butIthink Imetmy match.Colton.
What I’ve gathered and observed with him is that he loves to completely withdraw from reality and space out when something is wrong. For example, the other day, after his episode.
He insists it was a ‘minuscule hiccup’, but from my point of view, it was anything but that.It’s painful, and every minute feels like I’m being forced to watch live torture.Watchingit be experienced by him makes it all the more unsettling. He fooled me into believing he’s capable of handling pretty much anything without breaking character, but it took him exactly one day to convince me that he needs someone right now, more than ever.
Some time ago, I would have been discontented by my desire to take initiative and be the person that a specific man needs, but at this moment in time, I don’t have a care.I feel
compelled to bandage all of his scars, and not just literally.I think I have to agree with him about the entire denying myself pleasures thing.I digested it as a little bit trivial when he first told me, but maybe it’s valid when you feel wanted by someone. When it doesn’t feel one-sided or as if you’re wasting your time.
Grabbing my purse from the three-pronged coat holder, I walk through the house to get to the front door, whooshing past Lauren.
