Page 126 of The Breaking Pointe
He scoots closer to me, placing his hands on my thighs. “Are you scared to tell me, or something?”He chuckles, getting closer to my face.
Yes.I am.Ridiculously scared.
“I’m grateful for you. And you look cute in that bandana.” I smile, kissing his forehead.
His perky smile fizzles out, as if he expected something more special or out of the ordinary to come out of my mouth. “Thanks…” he settles. “Uh…how’s the rehearsals coming along?”He swiftly changes the subject, taking his eyes off
of me.
I half frown, watching him.“The girls are doing great. They got it down.I’m really excited,” I begin.“But I sent the letters out today. I can’t stop wondering what’s going to happen to them,” I explain, feeling sorrowful as I do.
“Noelle, about that—” He taps his thumb along my hand. “Things are gonna work out. With the studio, I mean—it’s gonna be fine,” he says.
He’ssosweet,buthecan’tmakemiracleshappen.
“How do you know that?It’s too late for another chance, Cole. I’m fucked beyond measure,” I tell him.
“Can you trust me on this one? I’m more than sure,” he says confidently. I look at our hands, then him, bobbing my head slowly.
“Alright then. I have a plan. I need you to be patient.” He holds my hand with both of his now.
I inhale. “You can’t make them change their minds.” “No, but you’ll be happier.Believe me, my plan is better,”
he assuresme, smirking.
I perk at his hidden amusement, and break a smile. “Tell me.”
“I can’t do that, so sorry.” He chuckles. “But you’ll see. Soon. And it’ll explain everything about why I’ve not been keeping in touch so much.” He squeezes my hands.
I’mrelyingonhim.Ihopeheknows.
31
cannonball
COLTON
Now that Steven is off to start his new life, snow has covered all parts of the ground, and days are becoming unbearably drawn out, my thoughts feel even more stifled than before. Before Thanksgiving, I hadn’t considered how my first holiday would feel—without her. It’s lonely, even though many people were present, and felt quiet, even though every room I went into was loud.As Christmas creeps closer, so does the feeling of impending doom.The holiday lights haven’t shone as bright for me as they have for other years. So each day I’ve spent working on the new building for Noelle.
I can’t build much, but I can architecturally do my part, and make sure it comes out perfect. It’s all very tedious and all-consuming. Meaning Noelle has gotten less of me. I can tell that it’s piercing at her, and she’s probably thinking of questioning my whereabouts any time now.
She’s being nice and sparing me, but if I tell her what I’m up to, she’ll try and stop the entire thing. I won’t even give her that opportunity. She needs this—and I need to distract myself.
After a nine day binge of going to the construction site, today I’m switching it up.Therapy.Except today feels exceptionally different, and waking up has just about been the hardest part of the day, thus far.My body feels heavy, and so do my eyelids.My heart is on edge, more than it usually is, and I feel like the smallest man who ever lived. It seems that the motherless child syndrome is kicking into high gear now.I can’t continue to pretend that things aren’t where they are.It’s all gonna blow up, any day now for me. I can feel it.
I would like to not feel anything anymore.
“You’re quiet again. This time it doesn’t seem as positive. Maybe I’m looking too deeply into your mannerisms,” Dr. Lydia says, watching me.
I shrug, sniffing a bit of air into my lungs.
“Do you want to express why?Or how you’ve been feeling?” she asks, hopefully nodding.
I shake my head.“No.I’m not…finding solidarity in anything. I think it’s pointless.”
She waits a second before asking another question. “Do you feel safe to talk with anyone else? It doesn’t have to be me, Colton. I’m getting a sense that you’re more sporadic today than usual.”
I exhale through my nose, feeling like a child in the principal’s office.
