Page 76 of Faking Forever 1
They’re cute. They also make you look ten times smaller.”
“I’m tall—and mighty! How dare you!” I squeal, punching his chest.
“Okay,” he dulls his laughter, “How long do you think she’ll last before she realizes she can only use the toilet tent or a hole as a bathroom?”
“Thirty minutes or less?” I raise an eyebrow.
Probably sooner. She was chugging her fourth Red Bull as we spoke.
* * *
His enormous hand tugs on mine, guiding me throughout the trails, double taking every few minutes to see if I’m still beside him. I’d earned my right to be monitored because I was taking 176
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too long snooping for rocks. For the life of me, nobody can understand the importance of taking your time. It might get me left behind, but who could pass up hidden crystals? I only have so many because Iactuallylook.
“Josh, wait. I want to look here.” My eyes narrowed at a specific spot that looked like I could hit the jackpot.
“Fine, but we’re so behind, and it’s gonna get dark soon. Be fast.” he frees my hand, letting me run to a pile of rocks like a playground.
“I’ll be so speedy. Watch me!” I say maniacally, sticking my boots in different crevices of the rocks to get over them, going deeper into the woods.
“Hey Paisley, don’t go too far, though!” he yells after me.
It’s not my first time at this campsite. I knew what to look for, and his worries were too much at times. Holding the straps of my backpack, I look behind me, watching him scroll on his phone, then face forward again, looking at the ground.
Though I love hiking, I hate one part in particular—and that’s peeing. It happens at the wrong time, pretty much every single time I go hiking, popping up like a bad mosquito bite. I’d only been on my second finding before my bladder started screaming at the top of its lungs. As bad as I had to go, I knew I’d be expeditious about finding a spot. Not like I cared for Josh to see, but I had to have the right tree to lean against, and all of these were more like branches. None of which I could lean against.
I look behind me again to see Josh sitting on a boulder, occupied for the time being. Confirmation received, I pick up a nearby stick and draw a giant circle with an ‘x’ in the middle, engraving the lines as deep as I can.
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“Josh! I’m going to the bathroom!” I cup my hands around my mouth to make sure he hears me.
His attention peels from his phone screen, sticking to me.
He nods, “Not far, though! Sunset is starting!” he calls out, standing up.
Darcy and Nick approach him right after, so I take my cue, moving to my next destination. I could see the perfect tree not far out, and with that, I headed directly toward it, listening to all three of their voices fade out. The closer I got, the more muddy it got, making it harder to lift my hiking boots through the dirt and mushiness. I forgot how swampy this site is, and this is not howI want to be reminded. Times like these always make me wish I were a man. It’s the only lucky trait they have.
Josh wasn’t kidding about the sunset. He was being gracious by saying it was only just starting when, in reality, it was already much darker than it was a few seconds ago. Taking my backpack off, I toss it on a nearby rock, fumbling my hands to find the waistband of my leggings. I form a squat, pulling the fabric down to my thighs, then press my back against the tree.
Now, to top my record of how fast I can pee.
Making sure to wrap it up quickly—after finding my trusty roll of toilet paper in my bag, I pull my leggings up and yank my sweatshirt down. Crickets were starting to come alive, and that meant business. I was developing a tickle in my stomach, trying to beat the night, absolutely induced by fear. I dislike a lot of things, and very many things cease to scare me, but the dark? Not my forte, never will be!
I snatch my bag by the handle, unzipping it to search for my flashlight, realizing it was the one thing I’d failed to pack it—theonething everyone kept reminding me to bring.
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“Fuck, fuck fuck…”
I lift my head from the depths of my bag, whipping it around to try and pinpoint which direction I came from. This is why I ate, having to pee. I should’ve asked him to follow me, but of course, I didn’t think about that. My only thought was to avoid pissing myself in the middle of the woods. To boot, I can only imagine what oversized animals are probably watching me, and that’s a secondary thought that I’m not too pleased about.
