Page 73 of Faking Forever 1
Good. A distraction. And a chance to bring up London.
“Do you mind if I go first?” I adjust myself to face her.
“Shoot.” she replicates my movements.
“I uh… I know about London. I’m proud of you.”
It hurt more to say it out loud myself.
“Josh… how do you know about that?”
“People talk. It’s a big deal, Paisley. I mean, it’s London, and,” I exhale, “my point is, I’m the last to find out. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I’m not too fond of it when the silence is loud. Her silence is as loud as bombs sometimes.
“I knew the reaction you would give me, that’s why. I didn’t even know how to form words to tell you.”
“So then you would know that I would tell you to go, right?
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Don’t look back, and all that good jazz?”
I add a lazy half-smile.
“I was hoping you would give me a reason to back out.”
“Huh—back out? No, youhaveto go. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I won’t let you miss out on that, no way.
And what happened to this being your dream?”
She shakes her head, closing her eyes at my choice of words.
“What if I haveotherdreams? It’s so far away, and I can’t fathom going so far for so long. Everything has been strategically planned, and I’m tired of planning. It’s all happening faster than I can process.”
My no-good side wants to tell her that she should stay here and not even return to Denver if she doesn’t want to. She could stay here, we could get married and have four of the cutest kids anyone’s ever seen, but it’s not realistic, and I’m not a selfish scrub.
“Paisley, listen to me,” I say, clasping my hands together for dramatic effect, “Life doesn’t stop moving. It only goes faster and faster. There’s nothing we can do about that. You have to just…rely on your heart and mind to guide you.”
Those words were shocking, especially coming from me. I wouldn’t know the first thing about taking my own advice.
“What if I said that my mind and heart have no idea what they want right now?” she asserts, cowering right after.
This is going way more left than I was expecting. I thought she would be happy about this—happy about London. Talk about a plot twist. Her tone is riddled with pain, almost like it hurts to even talk to me.
“Paisley…” I shudder.
“I can’t say goodbye to you again, Josh, not again. It feels so permanent.” she shakes her head vigorously, placing a hand 170
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on my leg.
“Goodbye? Who’s saying we won’t see each other again?
Or that I wouldn’t come visit you?” I crinkle my brows in disagreement with that narrative, “Paisley, I lo—”
