Page 45 of Faking Forever 1
Had I been honest initially, I wouldn’t be standing in the middle of the boardwalk like an idiot. Mainly, I have no idea if I get a redemption arc in her life. But what hurts the most is that I think I’m falling in love with her. Or at least now I’m beginning to accept it.
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so yesterday
PAISLEY
My heart beats at a mile a minute as I keep walking until I find a building to hide behind. Storing myself where I feel secluded, I start to weep, hugging myself and covering my mouth as I lean back against a wall. How was lying to me easier than just telling me the truth? Am I that pitiful that he can’t even be honest with me anymore? Moreover, what I thought was real wasn’t, and now this changes the trajectory of everything.
I feel so strung along, thinking I would have a chance at having a little bit of home with me all the time. I wanted Josh and I to pursue our dreams together because it had been the plan since day one. Lately, I’m not in favor of how life shows me that things won’t always go as planned. Everything seems to be falling apart before my eyes. What’s worse is that he broke our pinky promise. It may be childish, but it meant something. He’s never broken any promise or let me down.
He’s also human, and I can’t hold something like this against 105
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him.
I can physically feel the pain when I think about it, like a thousand cuts straight to the soul. I’m not afraid to admit that Josh is my safe person. Iamso scared to admit that this fake dating thing wasn’t a good idea. Not because it’s hard or because I don’t like the idea. Not even because I don’t trust him. Alternatively, I can’t trust myself not to take it too seriously. I already am having a full-blown panic attack because we kissed one time, and now I’ve confused myself until an entirely different dimension. Dating him would only make him hate me.
It doesn’t matter how long ago it happened. I’ve sworn in my heart that I would never let myself look as stupid as I did when I was with Nick. I would only cause Joshua stress and turmoil with my ongoing concern about his whereabouts, or if he hasn’t grown bored of me. I was always a little doubtful of myself—the average amount for a teenager—but never as much as I am now. Constantly, I’m in a state of fight or flight, and most of my hope for romance has dissolved into little to none. I’m not sure if a potential failed relationship is worth the risk. Or the pain.
* * *
My most brutal quality is that I’m stubborn. It’s not the cute kind, though, you know? Where is the girl quirky and shy and declines little offers? I’m more of the type that makes you a complete, utter bitch because I have to be correct.
That argument never works with Josh. One, I can’t stay mad long enough, and two, he’s a forceful man. If he wants my attention, he never has a problem getting it. Josh will get his 106
SO YESTERDAY
way if he wants it that bad. Naturally, it makes me wait to see who will say something first and admit defeat. This time, neither of us was making the move. I needed to apologize for my sudden meltdown. I don’t think it’s too late, but the silence is making me wonder if I’m wrong this time.
It was a Friday morning, and that meant my dad was going out on his weekly fishing escapade with my brother, Rich, and Josh. I used to go every time that I could. I never missed a week. Even if it was only me and my dad, it made for a great excuse to spend time with him. He constantly jokes about how I should’ve been the son and Tate, the daughter. Tate hates it.
As much as I enjoy that same banter and bonding experience, I couldn’t stomach seeing Josh today. Though Iammiserable because of it, I don’t have the confidence to show my face.
I loved mornings like this because I was beginning to value the silence that comes with the morning time. The birds singing and the cool air that’s just the perfect amount of foggy gives me a sense of nostalgia. When summer is over and it’s time for me to go, I know that’ll be one of the things I miss the most. Moments where I can lay in bed and pretend the world is frozen for a little while. So I was doing just that for the past hour, listening to the Jersey Shore cast cause a commotion on my TV.
A vibrating sensation hits my pillow, and my phone glows underneath, shooting my eyes open. I wanted it to be Josh, but it was unlikely. Lifting my pillow, I slip my fingers around my cellphone and bring it to my eyesight. It vibrates again—an email from my university. Sitting up, I quickly prepare myself.
It wasthatletter. The London one. Opening this could make or break everything. The fact that they were even contacting me during summer break meant that I was possibly considered.
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It had taken a second, but soon, with a few taps, I had the email open, ready for reading. I squeeze my eyes shut, praying up a quick, hopeful sermon before opening them again to read.
“Dear Paisley Monroe,
On behalf of the entire University of Escoffier, we are excited tooffer you admission to our London campus to complete yourdegree. We believe that our London campus will be better suitedfor you, as your skills exceed the Denver campus requirements.
By accepting this offer, you will be joining an array of studentson a journey led by a special teacher in Manchester. During thistime you will work closely with chefs and cooks who will prepareyou to be able to excel beyond the food business in America.
This includes world-class education, as well as life-changingopportunities that will prepare you for life after you graduate.
Please follow the online instructions in the packet below tocomplete the proper paperwork for a smooth transfer, due July 1st,2022. The tentative start date for classes is August 18th. You willhave that time to get moved in to your new dorm, and properlyprepared. We expect you to maintain the same standards, ifnot higher while staying in London. It is yourresponsibility tomaintain your academic, and personal life, with our additionalhelp as you embark on this journey.
