Page 33 of Faking Forever 1
“I don’t.” I say, bringing my face up from my hands, “But it’s gonna be awkward now. What if he thinks I’m gross? It must’ve been so embarrassing for him.”
“Just tell me one thing. Was it good?” she raises her brows.
“Sierra!” I squeal.
“C’mon, you told me this much, just gimme a little more?”
she begs.
If youmustknow, fine. She’s such an instigator in my relationships. There’s no way she won’t meddle in this one—
another attempt at her playing cupid.
“It was… different,” I fix my hair, adding more flour to it in the process, “Different good. He smelled amazing, and his lips were super soft.”
Staring at the counter, I smile.
“It happened fast, and I was tipsy, okay? I’m probably not even remembering correctly.” I shake my head, “I just want Nick to be jealous. I swear.”
“Okay, Evel Knievel. Would you please not start something that you can’t finish? For your own sake?” she half smiles.
I nod in return.
The truth was that I wasn’t tipsy at all. I remember every detail. I can still feel stubble rubbing against my face. The way the entire world paused. The way he looked at me after it was over. He stood there, confused as all hell but accepting every part of it. It felt natural, and that’s what scares me. Why did it happen so easily?
To be clear, we’ve never been the touchy-feel type with each other. Hugging and horsing around is all it’s ever been for us. Cuddling at the most—which ended when I started dating Nick. We normally shared a mindless “I love you”here and 77
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there, but it’s possible now that it could become more than platonic. It never crossed my mind, especially after we both tooka liking to other people. He’s not shy about me, but he always said there’s a boundary we can’t cross, and I think we did now.
Josh has always had girls around. Pretty ones, too. It isn’t difficult for him to get some play at all. Except they never stick around. I used to wonder why, but I stopped after seeing him reject seven girls during our senior year. Even the undeniably amazing ones. He kept saying he had an eye on someone else or wasn’t boyfriend material. I still haven’t met her. I’ll never meet her now, but whoever she was will always strike me as the one who got away. Whoever she was is the reason his heart was closed off now.
I chose to hang out with Nick more during my senior year than I wanted to admit. Josh started working more, so I guess that’s where the distance started. We weren’t a duo anymore but just casual friends. Because of Nick, we couldn’t bond. Loving him meant forgetting about everything I knew of because of Josh. Nick hated it all. Surfing, fishing, cooking, you name it. I turned into somebody else quicker than I had even realized.
He could’ve dropped me easily, but he didn’t. In his eyes, I could do nothing terrible enough to make him turn away. He doesn’t let me forget. How I could do that to him hurts to own up to. Instead, he begged me to make time and waited for me to be available. He would talk about how much he hated my relationship, then quickly apologize and say it wasnotabout me but about Nick. I never listened to him when he already knew he wasn’t good for me.
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BAD IDEA
Even if the bad hasn’t happened, it doesn’t mean it can’t.
It feels as though we’ve just gotten to mend things. Another notch on the belt of mistakes I’ve made is all it would take for him not to want anything to do with me. Sure, Nick crushed me, but losing Joshua would end me.
If I have to pretend I didn’t like kissing him, then I will.
Not because it wasn’t good or that I was not too fond of it, but because of the complete opposite. I’ve been in many complicated situations before, but this takes the cake. It’ll only get more complicated if I keep thinking about it this hard. Once again, I have to face the consequences of my own brainless actions. What a bad idea.
* * *
After sitting in the house for long enough, I’d decided to show my face and not be such a pussy. I wanted to surf a little, but I was also missing Josh, and I knew I could use the scones as a viable excuse for showing up at Stillman’s. I love his company so badly, and I didn’t come back to Seaside to suffer in sadness. I grabbed my keys to the bright red truck I was gifted and headed out on a drive.
I ended up making the scone into an elaborate lunch, knowing how Josh doesn’t get to leave the store often. Before getting to him, I had to make a few stops. The first stop was at my dad’s job to bring him lunch that my mom had packed for him. The second stop was to drop Tate off at a friend’s house.
Once I finished each task, I cruised the highway, letting Tame Impala guide me.
The sun was exceptionally bright, but it was becoming cloudy as well. I’d been driving for about thirty minutes at 79
