Page 145 of Faking Forever 1
Now that I’m walking past everyone and their families, saying goodbye in various ways. My heart was begging me to turn around and change my mind. I didn’t want to tell him I was getting last-minute jitters about my decision. Before I could genuinely weigh on the idea, he was already kissing my head and sending me on my way.
And just like that, I was alone.
* * *
Every day that he spends surfing, I hope he thinks of me.
Whenever he thinks he’s not doing his best, I hope he knows that I think he is. On the days that he feels like he’s too far from home, I hope he thinks about me—better yet, us. If it’s the same for me, I’ll say his name aloud until all the problems dissipate. His touch is warm enough that I can still feel it as I sit at my gate, waiting for my flight. I’ll bet it remains until it can’t hold on any longer. I hope it isn’t until my time in London is over, and until then, I pray it cares for me since I don’t have the real thing.
I’ll find it in my heart to tell everyone I’m fine, but I plan to be all over the place for a long time until I get used to things. While waiting for my group to be called to board, I was already reading up on ways to make long-distance relationships healthy. Some websites mentioned that talking at least once a day orsending cute pictures is essential. Others spoke about planning video chat dates or meetings in between where we were staying. I probably wouldn’t be searching any 352
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of that up if we could meet. According to the program rules, I won’t be able to leave campus because of the strict regulations.
That solidification in itself.
Everyone you care about is some particle of you and I believe that’s why you miss people. You’re the company that you keep and that’s why a person can feel like home. Someone can feel so familiar and comforting that it seems unreal. Maybe that’s why Josh kept Beau around for so long or why my mom loves my dad so much. They’re familiar and even when they hurt you—even if it gets hard, it’s easier to keep someone around.
That is until it gets too hard. Then you have to wonder if it’s as easy as it seems. That’s why it matters that I put my best effort forward. I can’t have this perfect thing flop.
I brought my book bag as a carry-on with all sorts of things I might need for an almost eight-hour flight. My dad was right about the food, and as I presumed, his generous wad of cash wasn’t such an exaggeration. Since I was so nervous, I couldn’t even begin to think about a meal—but I could never pass up an iced coffee. Looking around the area I was sitting in, I saw different people getting ready to stand up or already standing, impatiently staring at the attendants. Others were taking their grand ole time, boarding one by one.
Fiddling a finger in the side pocket of my bag, I find the velvet box that held my ring. Prying it out, I carefully open it and slip the ring on my finger, returning the box to its place.
Since I didn’t have to explain myself to my family now, there wasn’t a reason for not wearing it. I want to feel close to Josh.
He was right for getting it, and I stand corrected. It’s like my one connection to him and home.
My headphones blocked out whatever announcement they had given. I would be the last to board either way and if I 353
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can be frank, I wanted to take as much time as possible to look at my city’s view from the windows for the last time.
Taking my headphones out, light guitar riffs leave my brain and are replaced by loud chatting and announcements from loudspeakers within the airport. Complete disruption and commotion. Someone was even yelling so loud from the gates away that we could hear it from where we all sat. Some folks were making faces, while others blatantly ignored it—but for me, something about it seemed to draw me in.
In seconds, the voice became louder and thicker, blustering down the hall. It was faint, but it was enough that I could make it out—so could a bunch of other people who sat in the chairs around me. I could see heads turning about further down the hall, but as I tried to get a view, the attendant began to speak, taking my attention away from the bellowing man.
“We are now inviting those who are regular passengers to beginboarding at this time. Please have your passport, boarding pass,and identification ready. Thank you.”
Standing up, I tuck some hair behind my ears and look down at the seat I was just in, checking for loose items.
“Paisley!” The voice appeared again, but this time right behind me, and it wasn’t a random man anymore.
I almost didn’t want to turn around for the possibility that it wasn’t who I thought. It may be all in my mind, and I’m becoming delusional from being so upset about leaving. Thathasto be it.
“Paisley! Wait! Don’t leave yet!”
The voice wails again and this time, I had no choice. I wasn’t hallucinating a damn thing. I wasn’t going crazy or even becoming deluded. I know that voice like the back of my hand. I whip my head around, my body following suit.
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Before I can get any words out, my brain can only process seconds of Josh’s face. At full pelt, his body aimed for mine, rushing through people in waves of groups while gripping his Stillman’s sweatshirt. Frantic, he makes it to me, and he drives his body into mine, taking hold of me and retrieving my feet from the floor, kissing my lips over and over again.
“I just needed to hold you one more time…” he maunders between our lips, breathing heavily from his mouth each time he has a chance.
