Page 92 of Faking Forever 1
“Youhave the issues. You don’t see his potential, butIdo.”
I chastise him.
“I’m treating him like every other brainless chum who wants to be with you, Paisley! I’m looking out for you!” he fumes at me, sending my confidence on the high road.
“Well, stop!” I scream, “Stop telling me how to live!” my voice cracks as I feel a steady stream of warm tears fall down my cheeks.
“Paisley…” Tate says, reaching out a hand for me, but I take off right back out the front door, pushing, skipping all the stairs on the porch, and making the sidewalk my guide to get away.
In London, there’s nobody to tell me what decisions are best for me or play matchmaker with my love life. I can be free to do it on my own. As of right now, I never wanted to be there more.
Far, far away from Joeseph. I wonder what London will be like in a general sense and what the people will think of me. It’s exciting yet equally nerve-racking. If someone doesn’t think highly of me, I can’t complain to my dad about how ridiculous it is or whisper comments to my mom about the hairstyles of people we dislike. I also can’t cry every time someone thinks less of my cooking, even though that’s the entire reason I’ll be there. It’s a crucial part of my character development and a cutthroat industry. If Anthony Bourdain had beef with every single critique, he wouldn’t have been able to travel to more places. He would have limited himself if he did that.
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I can’t keep limiting myself because I have fears.
This is why I’ve planned to set goals for myself until summer ends. Iwillkeep my word for everything I say and hold myself accountable every chance. I want to take myself seriously. I may not be able to make my Dad take me seriously, but I want Josh to take me seriously, at the least. He’s a lot more into this political thing than I thought. He talks about it so much when we’re alone that I’m starting to lose brain cells. It’s not his fault I’m not educated on such topics, but the least I could do is fix it. Either that or let some office siren take my place.
I’m beginning to think that Josh is way ahead of me than I thought. And in that case, not only is he proving my dad wrong, but he’ll also leave me in the dust. Whatever that weird camp injected into him needs to be put on every shelf in every pharmacy in town. The clarity it’s instilled within him is miraculous. Unfortunately, I still have issues trusting the male species, and I hope I’m not praising him for no reason.
Sure, his dick is huge, but he’s still just a man. And sometimes, men are dumber than any other living and breathing species.
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JOSHUA
It took my dad and I a few hours to unpack from the trip. A well-needed shower was taken as soon as he let me go of my moving duties. Ever since we got home, I’ve been running over every detail I could remember from being at the waterfall in my head while watching the water running. The plan wasn’t to go as far as we did, but she didn’t mind it like I thought she would. There was somewhere between the kissing and moaning that I thought she would come to her senses and tell me to get the hell off her.
When she never did, that’s when it began feeling like a hallucination. Kissing her was already like a weird fever dream that seemed too good to be true. I always thought about tasting her lips when I would watch her put lip gloss on them or get a little too close to my face. There were times when I couldn’t rip my eyes away from her naturally growing body the older we got. That’s when I knew my mind was done thinking about 221
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her as a friend. Surfing with her ultimately became a challenge of whether or not I was going to have to hide my lower half behind my board and beg for her not to ask any questions about it. I started to view her as the most precious being, no matter what she was doing. The old me wouldn’t believe the present or the idea that we werethisclose to dating. Without a doubt, my heart is on my sleeve. It’s not a manifestation anymore for me.
She derives a feeling from deep within me that’s scary and consuming.
I take a sip of my lemon water, filling the silence between Beau and me as we sit across from each other at one of the tables in Sierra’s cousin’s diner, catching up on my time away.
He taps his finger against the table, staring at me as he makes different animated expressions, reading my body language.
“Can you stop looking at me like I might be expired food?”
a subtle laugh escapes my mouth.
“Maybe if you would say something, then we could get somewhere. Stop taking baby sips of water and tell me what you’re hiding.” he eyeballs me harder.
“Relax. I’m nothidinganything. I’m just happy, dude.” I lean my arms on the table.
“About?” he raises a brow.
“Um, I dunno, life?” I laugh.
