Page 44 of Faking Forever 1
I half smile to reassure her, trailing a finger along a strand of her hair and then tucking it behind her ear. I study her features. Her cheeks spring into a rosy red color. Her head falls, hiding from me.
“I can’t believe there was a time when I thought I would never get you back. I thought that maybe life got a littletoogood in Colorado.” I mention, thinking out loud.
“So why didn’t you just come to Denver? Ididwait for you.”
she lifts her head again.
I have to tell her the truth, whether I want to or not. I can’t lie to her face. It’s only hurting our actual relationship. If I make it worse by lying anymore, I won’t be able to fix the potential damage. I don’t want to be another Nick.
“Paisley… I didn’t get into Escoffier, okay? I never got accepted. That’s the real reason why I didn’t come.” I exhale.
I don’t feel relieved. I feel more anxious now.
“What…” she stutters.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I didn’t know how. You 102
RUSHING BACK
were so excited. I couldn’t bear to give you more bad news.” I say, facing her and taking one of her hands into mine.
She rips it away, looking me dead in my soul.
“So you lied instead? I’m not a child, Joshua. I can handle a little bad news.” her voice shakes.
“Paisley…”
There was nothing I could say. I had already added more fuel to the flame, and I was now deeply regretting opening my mouth. But it needed to be done. I have to accept that I made myself rage bate for her.
“We were supposed to go together. I formed my plans around you—I made space in my heart for you. A little heads up would have been nice.” her tone exchanges for a more angry one.
Now, I could see the actual tears forming in her eyes.
“Please don’t cry. It’s not my fault I didn’t get in, okay?” I say.
She shoves the cotton candy into my chest, standing up.
Naturally, I follow her moves, grabbing her arm.
“I would’ve understood, Josh. I would’ve made it work. Ididmake it work. And you got my hopes up.” she shakes her head slowly, letting the tears fall.
“Yeah, but look at you. You’re doing so great without me…”
I rasp.
I realize that I was loud and wrong about that.
“You know what I think? Coming back to Jersey was a big mistake. I should’ve just stayed in Denver.” She pushes my hand away. “Just leave me alone, okay?”
Turning in the other direction, she stormed off, her blonde curls bouncing behind her.
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FAKING FOREVER
Groaning, I toss the cotton candy on the ground, then rest my hands on my head, closing my eyes. I had fucked up a lot of things in my life and even made some pretty incredibly rash decisions that I regretted deeply. Nothing and no one can make me feel the way this girl makes me feel. Yet, I keep butchering it.
When I thought that I was going to be a father, I was scared shit-less that I would lose everything. Losing Paisley would feelsimilar, I think. I feel lost when she isn’t close by. Just knowing that she’s not far is enough for me. I got angry when she left. I wondered why I wasn’t good enough to be accepted by the school of my dreams. I felt resentment for those who had been accepted. So I sulked in my head for a long time. I’m to blame for the distance I’ve created between her and me.
