Page 28 of Somewhere Only We Know
“Well what happened between then and now?” Emily asks.
“Yeah. You were so…” Sophie starts but stops to rethink her words because our friendship is still new.
“Cold?” I finish the sentence for her.
She cringes and then nods. “Yeah.”
“Imagine you’re twenty-one and planning to spend the rest of your life with someone, graduate college together, and go anywhere with them. But then they send you a seven-worded text just to drop off the face of the earth.”
When I think back to that time, with how young I was and what we planned, I can see how foolish I was. How foolish we were. But when you’re young you can’t possibly think of anything derailing your plans. And when your plans don’t flourish the way you hoped, you think it’s the end of the world. You throw a fit until you finally get your way. But Nate, not coming back, made me feel abandoned in a way I had never felt before. I couldn’t throw a fit and just get him back because I had no idea where he was.
“J, you know why though,” Kamryn says softly.
“Yeah, I do. And if he explained that in his text, then I would have…we could have made it work,” my voice cracks on those last handful of words.
I think that’s why I’m more mad at Nate than anything. He never gave us the option to try. He never gave a reason for ending us.
“Men,” Kamryn states and they all agree.
“Men that you all have wrapped around your perfectly manicured fingers,” I point out the obvious but not in a jealous way. I’m happy for my friends and sister. Okay, maybe I’m also a little jealous.
“You could have one wrapped around your finger,” Kam notes and plays with the tab of her can.
I glare at my sister for even suggesting that. In those years after Nate evaporated from my life, there was a small part of me that foolishly hoped he would reach out. And everyday he didn’t that hope dwindled.
“So what are you going to do?” The question comes from Emily who’s been naturally quiet.
“I don’t know. Nothing?” My voice raises on the last word. Because I really don’t know what I’m going to do where it comes to Nate. “I think he texted me the other day, but I’ve been too scared to look at my phone.”
“Jaclyn!”
“What?”
“You haven’t responded?!”
“Unbelievable!”
Comes from the four of them and I shrink in on myself.
“Where’s your phone?” Sarah demands and pushes back from the kitchen island.
I point upstairs. “In my office.”
“Hold on, how do you not know it’s him?” Emily asks as Sarah huffs before charging up the stairs and I motion for us to head to the living room. The red heads stomping upstairs almost makes me laugh. I take a seat on the oversized chaise lounge and Sully joins before I’m even settled.
“Wait! Before we get into your dilemma, you know that Chance and I are having a joint bachelor and bachelorette party in Vegas and we decided that you all are invited.” Sophie beams and dances in her seat.
“I’m not in a dilemma,” I cry out.
Sarah feet bound back down the stairs and gets closer when I hear her huff. “Honey, you are so in a dilemma.”
I look up to see her tapping on my phone and am close to scolding her when she turns her fiery gaze on me.
“Jax, he texted you last week. And I do know that this is his number because I have it memorized,” Sarah says, upset for me that I left that detail out.
Would she throttle me if she knew I also have his number memorized? It’s like ingrained in me and yes, I’m aware of how long it’s been since he texted me. It was perfectly timed after the park. Texting Nate casually is one thing. But texting Nate after he obliterated my heart when I was twenty-two, well that’s another thing. In my mind, I know the differences are glaring, but my heart refuses to let go of that pain.
“I deleted his number because it was too tempting for me to text someone who cut me out.” I answer Emily.
