Page 69 of Somewhere Only We Know
I know he wants to say something, but remembering what Mallory said in Sarah’s office, has me perking up. What did Mallory mean by,You’re Jax?”
“About a year into working with her, she tried to set me up with one of her closest friends,” he admits and I rear back with wide eyes. “Easy, tiger. We eventually had a long sit-down where I admitted that, in this lifetime, moving on from you wasn’t a possibility. I told her your name and that if I ever got you back, it would all make sense.”
My eyes water and I lean forward to give him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Do you like this ring? I mean, really like it?” He asks when I sit back in my chair.
“Yes. I was actually thinking about how you knew exactly what I wanted when I only mentioned it that one time.”
His eyes are still on my ring but I see the small smile. “I remember everything you told me Jax. Do you remember my senior project?” I nod, because of course I remember that day, and he smiles yet again. “I eventually had them drafted up.”
I swallow roughly because I was just telling him things at the time that probably didn’t make sense for a house. But, apparently, Nate took note of it anyway. “You did?”
“Yeah, Bee. I was secure in the knowledge that one day you and I would find our way back to each other. And when that happened, I wanted to have our house plans drafted and ready to go.”
“What?” How does this man continue to shock me?
Nate looks up and pushes a curl off my face. “Don’t you get it, Bee? It’s always been you for me. Since I was eighteen years old, it’s always been you.”
31
JAX
COLLEGE, DECEMBER, SENIOR YEAR
“Iknew you were coming back.”
Six words. I remember saying those six words to him and the smile he gave me. Was it all a lie? Because I can’t imagine a world where we made promises for our future just for him to text me those eight words and nothing more.
I think back to the day I told him we could be nothing more than friends. I was afraid of losing him more than anything. How he was adamant that us falling apart was all in my head. That it would never happen.
Look where I’m at now.
I sit on my covered balcony as the snow falls a few days before Christmas. Heartbroken and alone. Christmas is my second favorite holiday, but I’ve yet to find an ounce of joy to get me through the season.
I feel like I’m walking on a glass floor in the pointiest high heels and trying not to crash through with every step. My parents have been walking on eggshells around me too. Because after a week of texting Nate with no response until that one fated message, they found me sobbing in my room.And through those tears I managed to tell them that he wasn’t coming back. That fear I had over losing him came true.
For months he and I would spout hypotheticals about when he was on the road for games, how I would react. I always told him I wouldn’t react a certain way because I knew he was coming back.
My lips tremble with the realization that he’s not coming back this time. And I have to find a way to make it without him sooner than I planned to.
How did my sister do this? I thought she was overreacting when Mason left, but is this how she felt? Like she all of a sudden was missing an extension of herself?
The tears win the battle and fall in rivulets down my face. Washing away every plan we made, tear by tear.
Goodbye, Nathan Holloway.
32
NATE
I’m in my home gym when I hear the muffled thump of the front door closing and locking. A warm and calm sensation slides over me that I know it’s Jax. Our plan is to visit our families before I head off to spring training. It’ll also be the first time Jax meets my mom and Kayla. If it’s one thing I kick myself in the ass for, it’s not bringing her home at any point when we were in college. But thinking about it back then, that seemed the type of thing reserved for significant others. And we weren’t together for very long until I left. But I did have one opportunity over the summer to take her home. Yet, I was a typical boy and honestly I was terrified to introduce Jax to my family. I won’t deny that.
Shaking my head, I let the music that’s pumping through the speakers energize me for this last circuit. Sweat pours down my face and body as I pump my arms and legs on the treadmill. When the timer beeps that my one minute is up, I hit the down arrow to slow down to a walk. Movement in the mirror breaks me out of the workout haze and I see Jax leaning against the door with a look that can only be described as lust painting her face. And even though I’mtechnically done, I can’t help but tease her further and showing off by heading to the pull-up station and getting a few reps in. When I drop down, I head to the speaker and turn the music down from an ear-splitting level.
“Hi,” Jax says a little breathlessly.
“Hi, Bee.” I greet her and drop onto the mat to finish with some core work. One thing I’ve noticed about Jax, is that while it may not look like she puts a lot of care into what she wears, she still looks effortlessly put together even in a hoodie and leggings. Her curly hair I love so much, falls in spiral waterfalls along her back and over her shoulders. I used to fantasize about twirling the strands around my fingers. I still do. But now I fantasize about fisting them as I rut into her.
