Page 5 of Somewhere Only We Know
Yeah. I do know what she means. While Kamryn and I were never best friends, not only because of the two year gap between us and her going states away for school, we always had each other to count on. But because my sister didn’t know what she wanted to do until later on in college, while Ialwaysknew what I wanted to do. Then the divide between us grew with her losing Liam and my tumultuous relationship with Trent—Kamryn and I were so disconnected from each other. We tolerated each other as siblings and eventually with me working with her. But in the last year, we’ve built up a true sister-bond.
“Well, now we have the chance to get back what we had. But, way better.”
“You bet your ass we do.” Kamryn says and wraps her arms around me.
We chat and laugh the rest of the way to the stadium. She bounces off ideas for game attire for women since most of it is catered to men. If it’s one thing, my sister is always going to find a way to work even when she shouldn’t. Fans flood the entrance and our pace slows as we join the lines.
Kamryn grabs my hand and takes me off to the booths. “So I know we’re early, but we also have field passes.”
“Have I ever said you’re the best sister ever?” I ask her rhetorically when we’re at Will Call.
“You know I haven’t heard that in a very long time,” she teases.
“Well I’m only telling you once.”
She rolls her eyes and I take a moment to take in the joy on this sunny and cloudless day. I hear the distant sound of the crack of a wooden bat hitting baseballs, the music from the stadium as a warmup song pumps up those of us waiting to get inside, and the beeping sound of tickets being scanned. This is what I’ve missed. This is what I didn’t realize I missed.
My ex really wasn’t big on sports which was crushing to me because growing up in Philadelphia I was surrounded by sports. I can’t remember a time in my childhood where we weren’t at a football, baseball, basketball, hockey, or soccer game. We breathed sports in Philly. But I pushed my obsession for the game as a fan to the side to appease him.
When I came to the first home opener, I felt like I had a sign on my head that read “newbie to the game” and everyone was watching me. That clearly was all in my head though. Now I’m able to enjoy the game like every other seasoned fan.
My excitement reaches new levels when we get our passes from Will Call and my steps are light in a way that almost has me bouncing.
“Are you excited for the game or something?”
“Don’t ask dumb questions,” I tell her. “I am more excited to see them warmup.”
“That was always your favorite part.” Kamryn holds her hands out like she’s squeezing their butts.
“And you’re the older one,” I sarcastically say.
Her laughter echoes off the tunnel's walls as a securityguard leads us through the dugout and to the field. Now that we’re closer to the field, I can feel the vibrations of the ball being hit off the bat reverberating through my chest. The smack of the pitcher's ball hitting the catcher's glove with a solid thwack. It’s a feeling and sound I’ve loved since I was a kid. The sun beats down on us again when we step out of the tunnel from the dugout and onto the field.
“This look on you is incredible,” Kamryn boasts as she takes a picture of me.
“You’re one to talk. You haven’t stopped smiling in the year since your wedding. It’s weird.”
“It is a weird feeling for me, I won’t lie. I didn’t know if I’d have that.”
“I always knew you would. Despite my original reservation.” I tell her with a hip check and look back out over the field to pay attention so we don’t accidentally get smacked by a wayward ball. When Mason reappeared, I was skeptical to say the least. My sister was coming off a successful Fashion Week run and I was worried how his reappearance would affect her. But it turns out my worries were for nothing and Mason turned out to be her number on champion. “So do you know anyone who’s playing?”
“Actually, I do. I found out that Chance got traded here a few weeks ago, so it’ll be good to see him today.”
I turn and look at Kamryn. “Weird. The girl I met at the park is engaged to someone who got traded here a few weeks ago..”
“Really?” My sister asks and turns to meet my gaze.
“Yeah. Small world if it’s actually him. But you must be excited to see him, right?”
Before Mason–and after, there was Liam and his college team. While I now know Liam was broken, it wasn’t until after he passed that Kamryn realized he hid the darkestparts of himself from her. My sister lost her ex-boyfriend almost six years ago in a car accident. His former teammates came to the funeral and lashed out at her claiming she should’ve been the one to fix him. They blamed her for something beyond her control. Chance was among those who blamed her. And that was when I truly lost my sister. She shut down and shut me out and on one of the few days after the funeral, his parents stopped by her place to drop some things off for her. Apart from the ring she wore, she never spoke of what else was in the box. But whatever it was caused her to retreat further into herself.
Has she forgiven them? Has she even talked to any of them?
“Wait, have you talked to him since, you know…the funeral?” I don’t know why I whisper that last part. But it almost feels like talking about that time is a guaranteed mood-killer.
“Chance reached out a couple of years ago. Even though I put that day behind me I think he had been hanging onto that guilt for the way he treated me.”
“Guilt and grief make people react differently,” I say from personal experience and look around the field.
