Page 45 of Somewhere Only We Know
Sometimes it’s laughable to see us standing next to each other. Nate’s 6’2 towers over my 5’2, but the love we have for each other surpasses both of our heights.
Nate snorts. “Is that the only reason?”
“No. I also picked you because you’re younger than me and will stay limber longer.”
Nate laughs and drops me on my bed. “By two months ya goof. Doesn’t quite make you a cougar.”
I slide off the bed and trail after him with a laugh to the bathroom and we go through a nightly routine to get ready for bed. Nate joins me moments later and we lay facing each other. My room is swathed in darkness, save for the moon that shines through a sliver in the blackout curtains. But my eyes adjust and I’m able to make out Nate looking at me with a soft smile on his face. Tonight I told him I love him and my heart hasn’t stopped racing. Those three words are terrifying to tell someone, but knowing he feels the same way eases the nervous feeling.
“For better or worse, it’s you and me Jax,” Nate declares after moments of silence and us looking at each other.
My heart leaps at him saying those words and I reach out to trace his lips. “Those are–”
“Words you say in wedding vows? I know. It helps that I know there is no one else for me but you. So I say those four words and I’ll always mean them.”
Yep. I totally love him.
“For better or worse, it’s you and me, Jax,” Nate says.
“For better or worse.” I tell him and close the few inches of space and press my lips to his. I don’t take it further than this and he doesn’t press. When I pull back, I curl into him and let his heartbeat lull me to sleep.
PODCAST
“Hi, everyone, it’s Jax and I’m your host ofLife Not Simplified. It’s been a few months since I announced I was introducing new patterns into my life. If this is your first episode of mine, I don’t mean bringing patterns into my wardrobe.
“I got into a rut. A huge rut caused bumps in my personal life. No matter what I would do I would find myself doing the same thing over and over. And I was just unfulfilled.
“So I challenged myself over the summer to do one thing a month, which turned into one new thing a week. I met a new friend at the dog park and I went to a baseball game. This is where I reverted back to my old ways. I saw someone from my past. Someone who took up a huge chunk of my heart when I was younger. You all may be thinking “I know where this is going” and I would tell you that you’re way off base. It’s hard for me to let people in. As open as I am to those in my life, I’m not as open to those who make a reappearance. And this person is on the receiving end of my frosty exterior.
“I don’t know how the rest of this challenge will play out.As soon as I uttered the words that I was doing this, I wanted to take them back. Istillwant to take them back. Because doing new things scares the shit out of me. But I see the messages and comments from you all that you’ve also challenged yourself to introduce new patterns to your routine. And I’ve never looked at myself as an influencer, but seeing that so many of you needed that push, is the reason why I can’t and won’t give up on this. No matter how hard I want to.
“This is unfortunately a short check-in episode and I hope you all enjoyed it. Four months of this new patterns challenge is done. I hope those of you who are participating, are finding new things that stick. And if you’re terrified of starting right now, remember that there is no set date. I hope to catch up all on the next episode ofLife Not Simplified. Bye, guys.”
23
JAX
PRESENT DAY
My alarm goes off too early and I smack my hand over my phone with a groan. When I peel my eyes open, I see it’s still dark out as evidenced by the sun not peaking through the edges of my blackout curtains. I stretch my cramped body and run into a solid lump at the foot of my bed. Sully yawning is how I’ve felt for the last few weeks.
Things were going well with Nate. I was slowly letting him back in and trying to move past the past. Until he wanted to dive into why he gave up on us and things were no longer going well. I get angry all over again as I remember him making the decision for me. For us. How dare he? I knew we would have to get ugly before we came out united and shiny. I knew that we would have to talk about the way he ended us. But I was so unprepared for the reaction he would bring out of me that I’ve been working non-stop for the last few weeks just to avoid thinking about him.
I punch my mattress as my alarm goes off for the second time. Turning it off, I fling the covers off me and head to the bathroom to get ready for my flight.
Am I dreading a long weekend in Vegas? No.
Am I dreading a long weekend in Vegas with my ex? Yes.
But this weekend is for Sophie and Chance. That’s what I repeat to myself after I finish packing the last of my clothes and toiletries and I roll my suitcase down the stairs as I wait for Kamryn to pick me up.
Kammy: Here.
Me: Coming.
I hook Sully onto her leash and grab her food bag with a few toys before heading out to the car. The street is quiet, save for the car idling on the street. Mason gets out and grabs my suitcase while I let Sully into the backseat and slide in after her.
“Couldn’t drive on your own, could you?” I joke with a yawn.
