Page 18 of Somewhere Only We Know
“I didn’t want that for her,” I say and I realize my voice has come out tight.
“I can see that,” she says and looks at me before looking out the front windshield. “In a perfect world–one where you and Jax can live in peace, would you be with her?”
I nod my head.
“Then fight for her. My sister is so used to being the one to fight for everybody else and for what she wants that now it’s time for the roles to reverse. She needs someone to fight for her. And I think, just from being around you, that you’re the person who’s going to fight for her.”
“How do I do that? She wouldn’t even look at me,” I speak and don’t know if I accurately masked the hurt. While I know I hurt Jax. Her looking through me hurt even worse.
Kamryn unbuckles her seatbelt, lost in thought. “I was the same way when I got back together with my husband. Must be a familial trait because we wear our hurt like they’re masks. Okay, she’s going to hate me for telling you this, but she has a podcast,Life Not Simplified. You should give it a listen and see if you can reach her that way.”
“Okay. Thank you,” I tell her as she opens the door. Movement from behind the curtain in the front room shocks me.
“No. Thank you. Now I finally know a little more aboutmy sister.” Kamryn hops down from the truck. “Hopefully, I’ll see you around.”
I lift my hand in goodbye and wait for her to walk inside. Before I pull off, I pull up the podcast app and type in Jax’s channel. With over fifty episodes to choose from, I scroll to the bottom and press play. With one last glance at Jax’s house, burning it into my memory where she lives, I look behind me and pull off to head home.
10
JAX
COLLEGE, SPRING SEMESTER-MAY, JUNIOR YEAR
Ihit the beat to the Phil Collins song with air drums as Nate lip syncs next to me in the driver’s seat while we’re at a stoplight. After I mauled him at the house, he dragged me away from the confines of the four walls I’d rather keep us in. Anywhere with him is a place I wanna be. Although, the place I would rather be is rolling around on my bed; I still don’t understand his need for us to get out of the house.
When the song ends and the light turns green, Nate places a possessive hand on my exposed thigh. I curl my hand around his bicep and look at him unabashedly. He really is handsome so it’s plagued me why he would want me. His rich brown skin is warmer from playing baseball and if I lift up his shirtsleeve I’ll see a very defined tan line. Nate’s jawline is peppered with the beginnings of a beard that he shaves off whenever possible and his nose has a little bit of a curve from a baseball that hit him when he was younger. But his eyes, which are framed with envious curled lashes, are my favorite part of him. They’re a mix of my favorite shades of brown, but when he’s in the outfield the grass pulls out the green that likes to stay hidden.
For so long I would only be able to get glimpses of him without making it obvious that I just wanted to stare at him. I’d get a flashes of his perfectly straight teeth that would show when his mouth would pull into a teasing grin on the off-chance that I wasn’t quick enough to look away. But now I get the opportunity to look at him and not have to look away.
He was my Nate before. But now he’s my Nate in every way that counts.
“What’s got you smiling, Bee?” he asks, interrupting my thoughts about him.
“You.”
When Nate first called me Bee, I was stumped. First of all, bees terrify me so I give them a wide berth when I’m outside. Secondly, nowhere in my name is there a ‘B’. He told me that bees are all about the sweetness of the world and that as cheesy as it is, I bring that into his life.
“Prepare to have your cheeks hurtin’, baby,” Nate exclaims with glee and then swears under his breath. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
I can’t stop the laugh from spilling out. The giggles overtake me until I’m huddled over trying to catch my breath. I feel the car sway as we turn and I will myself to sit back up and my laughter dies off when I see where we’re at.
“How did you–”
“Your parents let me know how much you love it here and I thought we could spend the day and get lost,” Nate says and pulls into a parking spot.
I undo my seatbelt and lean over the console once the car is in park. Nate stays perfectly still and I place my fingers under his chin, gently pulling him forward and flipping his hat off until we’re a breath apart.
“This may be the sexiest thing you’ve ever done.” My lipsbrush against his as I speak and I don’t miss the way his eyes heat or his breathing has changed. All traces of earlier humor have completely evaporated.
Nate licks his lips and I swallow roughly at the brief contact. “You’ve been keeping track?”
“Yes,” I breathe.
“What else has caught your eyes?”
At this point I’m so close to him, only our noses are touching. But I inhale every breath he exhales and vice versa. No part of me wants out of this moment.
“Well for one, when you’re studying,” I begin and his eyes bore into mine, “you get this furrow in your brow and I just want to smooth it out.”
